


Caged Nightingale

by eri_quin



Category: Hunger Games Series - All Media Types, Hunger Games Trilogy - Suzanne Collins, The Hunger Games (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, What if Peeta had died?, What-If
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-09
Updated: 2017-01-09
Packaged: 2018-09-15 22:33:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 21
Words: 75,678
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9260984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eri_quin/pseuds/eri_quin
Summary: At the end of the games, instead of of securing a win with him, Peeta dies. President Snow concocts a miserable plan and Katniss isn't returned home and is forced to live in the Capitol.Stuck in a foreign world and almost on her own, Katniss tries to adapt and keep her fire burning. Surprisingly, one man does his best to help her and it's someone she had never thought would be there to pick up the pieces.Seneca Crane tries to be her salvation, and ends up embroiled -willingly -into her new mess of a life, but together they secure allies and enamor a coquettish and fickle society that bends and molds to change anew for them.AU drabble-ish series with exploring life in the Capitol for Katniss and the stirrings of rebellion still moving despite it all. Seneca/Katniss build up, victors friendship, monarchy conversion, and PTSD all around.





	1. The Seven Stages of Grief

__

 

_**The Death:** _

He watched her as indecision warred visibly on her face. Cato of District 2 was ranting while holding onto charming and loveable Peeta, whom the public had come to adore along with _her_. The poor boy looked absolutely terrified, but it is her that he watches.

The Girl on Fire.

She's trembling slightly, eyes darting between Pitiable Peeta and Callous Cato. He can see very clearly, and he knows that the public can see it just as clear as he does, that she doesn't know what to do and she hadn't made a decision yet on what path to take.

Shoot Cato and risk the two toppling over.

Lay down her bow and risk Cato's wrath.

But Peeta makes a red X on Cato's hand and she understands. So does Cato. And before she can let loose an arrow to strike true, Cato uses momentum and surprise to topple the two boys over the ledge and into the jaws of the waiting wolf mutts, who descend upon them eagerly. She cries out and rushes to the edge and sees them, swallows heavily, and restrings her arrow.

She aims.

Her aim is true.

Her arrow takes out both boys and puts them out of their misery. Katniss Everdeen is this year's winner of the 74th Hunger Games. Her heart breaks. So does his. For her, it's for a boy who loved her and she couldn't save. For him, it's for the girl who lost even though she won –his heart clenches at the heartbroken look on her face.

She cries for the fallen boy and he wants to cry for her.

She's picked up, crowned, and he is approached by President Snow. The President looks at him with cold eyes, mouth set in a stern line, and it's obvious that he's unhappy, even though a single winner has been made like usual and the almost-double-win-never-happened.

"She's a danger," Snow says softly. "I want it taken cared of."

"What do you want me to do?"

"…I think it best she stays. Here. In the Capitol. No use for her to return to her home in District 12, I would think…Yes, I do believe that Katniss Everdeen can just as prosper here."

He understood. The Girl on Fire was to remain here, caged within these walls like a nightingale in a gilded cage, to be held hostage from her home. She was to be imprisoned in the Capitol, in a strange society she didn't belong in.

Seneca Cane hoped her fire didn't burn out.

_**Shock and Denial:** _

Her smiles are forced and laden with grief. The public is appropriately sympathetic and understanding, willing to be considerate while also eager to watch her emotions and just her, waiting for the next installment in the drama for their own entertainment.

They're bloodthirsty.

Whether it be actual blood or the emotional and soulful spillage, it was what they wanted to see. It was the Roman era all over again, and the Hunger Games were just revisiting the gladiatorial games of old. And Katniss was the latest victim.

Seneca didn't like the lost look on her face the days following the end of the Hunger Games and the male tribute Peeta.

The train goes on, they celebrate at each district, and every day that passes, the more clear it is that Katniss hadn't quite comprehended her companion's death and that she'd won.

She was quiet, remarkably intelligent, and unflinchingly straightforward at most times. She was uncomplicated, undemanding (it was amazing and strange to meet someone so inclined to be simple and preferred simplicity –nothing too extravagant and she would be easily pleased), and unproblematic about things. She didn't whine or complain or demand anything from anyone. She was as high-maintenance as a goldfish really.

Past victors, as he'd known, tended to be difficult, especially if they came from a higher district. They were taxing on many servants and the rest who had to deal with them. They like to make sure things were a certain way ( _their_ way), demand things of others, and make problems for everyone.

Katniss was relatively painless to deal with. Other than her grief and the obvious confusion about Peeta's death.

Still…it was effortless to like her and many around her easily did. She was comfortable to be around, despite her sometimes blunt manner, and there didn't seem to be any trouble becoming relaxed around her, especially as she was usually so calm (aside from her grieving).

All in all, he'd assumed that despite what grief she showed that Katniss was actually coping quite well. He hadn't realized that throughout the tour, she had merely been too shocked about Peeta's death that she'd simply been too numb for anything more than restrained grief (grief that spilled out stronger when she thought no one was looking, and sometimes Seneca, and sometimes even the public, were). Numb enough that she hadn't really and truly comprehended Peeta's death, so much so that she blocked it out and even denied it on some level.

When the shock wears off, he can tell because of the agonizing scream that comes from her closed room. Everyone gazes at her door with unreadable looks and he takes a step forward.

_**Pain and Guilt:** _

They hurry the Victory Tour to the end so that Katniss didn't have to deal with it anymore. Her pain is harder to hide, but she's always been a strong girl so she waits until she's behind closed doors (and even then she makes sure to be behind her own closed doors) to break down and cry. She doesn't like people seeing her vulnerable or letting anyone see her cry, and they respectively keep away when she does.

Seneca is always waiting outside her door.

She doesn't know why, nor does she care, so she doesn't question it or ask him why. She just steps out of her room and gives him a polite nod, before forcing herself to socialize a little bit with the others there, just so she could pretend things were normal and that she was fine.

But she can't help the voice in her head that says she's at fault.

She was too slow, she couldn't make up her mind, she let Peeta fall…

And he died not knowing she didn't love him.

That was probably what hurt the most about the whole thing. At the end, she finally realized that he was genuine and she never got to confess.

' _Is that true? Are you **sure**? You really **didn't** like him?'_

"Would you like a vanilla cupcake? I hear they're quite good," Seneca speaks up nonchalantly, and she looks up to see him standing in front of her, elegant fingers delicately holding up an ivory cupcake dashed with cream cheese.

He always was rather good at distracting her.

_**Anger and Bargaining:** _

She's angry. She's so angry he could almost picture flames around her already, even though she isn't really on fire. It's just as well that the Girl on Fire could be on fire, even when it's not literal.

On the return trip back to the Capitol, she's tensed and so very angry, but she restrains that anger and doesn't lash out. It's just as well that everyone keeps away, just as respectively for her anger as they did for her cries. She's still grieving and it's best that they don't interfere. Best for her and best for them.

But Seneca persistently and almost masochistically refuses to leave her side or leave her be, making the anger simmer until she just about blows up at him.

"What is your problem?" she bursts out angrily at him.

"I don't have a problem," he replies back quietly. "I just want to make sure you're okay and that you're not alone."

She doesn't understand why, but he doesn't elaborate. It would complicate things too much right now, if he did.

"I want you to stop," she demands something for once. "Just leave me alone! Peeta is dead and I'm tired of everything. I want to go home. I just want to go home…Oh God, home…Peeta's family…what are they thinking…how are they right now…Damn it, this is all your fault!" she growls with a teary glare.

He's at once startled and yet also strangely understanding of the upset accusation, and doesn't say anything against it or to refute it.

"Don't you get how sick these games are?" He's starting to get an idea of that now. "You and everyone else are just sick!"

He doesn't want her to think like that. He doesn't want her to think of that of _him_.

"What do you all want? What…what do you people want from me? Just tell me…tell me and give Peeta back," he can tell she's refraining from full-on crying now.

He doesn't like her like this. He'd rather her be angry than to look this helpless. And he knows she wouldn't like it either.

"You can't return home. To District 12. President Snow has generously offered you a nice home in the Capitol and has recommended you live in it from now on," he finally tells her, knowing now was the best time to do so, hoping to let her get all her anger out now.

But instead of drawing her ire (as he'd expected and hoped for), she just slumps over and stares at him in disbelief, her expression finally melting into resignation and bitterness as the lines of her body exudes depression. She looks away from him, loneliness starting to creep in, and her eyes deadened just a little more.

He feels horrible.

_**Depression, reflection, loneliness:** _

She was quiet after he told her her new living arrangements, and stayed that way until the tour was done and they were back. She's always been quiet, but this was a different quiet. Where before being quiet was just how she was, this type of quiet made her prefer to isolate herself. Before, she had been the quiet girl who didn't mind being around people, despite her trouble talking to others, but now it was the quiet of the empty place where she was supposed to be –the quiet of her slipping away from them not just physically but emotionally and mentally.

She was so set on her depression that she didn't even noticed it.

He could hear her silent sniffling at night when he passes by her door, worried and just a touch of longing. In the day, she reflects and remembers on Peeta, the Hunger Games, and of District 12 and her family. She looks so lonely by herself, her slight figure looking small alone and hunched over.

This was a normal stage for grieving and encouragement was not wanted or needed by others; it was not a good idea or helpful to talk her out of it. So he doesn't.

But that doesn't stop him from sitting next to her and offering silent comfort, slowly reaching over and grabbing her hand, squeezing it comfortingly. She stares at it for a second…before she squeezes back.

It gives him hope.

_**The Upward Turn:** _

They already have her new home set up by the time they go back to the Capitol. She was rushed away to it, to get "settled in", but he knows that Snow doesn't want her to be any freer than he allows.

It takes awhile, a month actually, before he gets the permission to see her freely. Her new home is beautiful, with lots of water. It's elegant and simple, gorgeous without being the usual outrageous fashion that the Capitol is known for.

He knows Snow makes it a mockery, a mirror of her while using water to laugh at the Girl on Fire, telling her he would douse her flames and keep her caged.

But she doesn't mention any of this when she welcomes him into her new home, surprised at his presence but looking somewhat happier than the last time he saw her.

"Mr. Crane, what a surprise. Is there a reason for your visit?" she quietly asks him, getting straight to the point.

"Just visiting."

Her eyes look at him in amazement before a pleased light enters them, and she leads him around her new home for a tour.

In return, he shows her how to make the lamb stew she so loves from the Capitol.

_**Reconstruction and Working Through:** _

She still gets chest pains when thinking about Peeta or sometimes of District 12, but the physical symptoms of her grief are lessening as time passes. The depression she's been stuck in are lifting a little and she's starting to smile, even if slightly, again now.

Everything has calmed a little; she's no longer running and fighting for her life and she's not in extreme pain at the thought of her home or of Peeta anymore. She's trying to organize herself into her new life a little. She does little things to get herself settled in and adjust to the new structure of her home; she gets things in order so that she has the least difficulty of fitting in with this society (though she knows she'll never completely fit in or feel comfortable).

Seneca Crane, a man she had never been close to prior to meeting him after winning or knew personally, was actually a big help.

He helps her sort out things in her new home and helps her decorate it more to her taste and so she could feel more homely in it. He's the one who arranges things for her, gets the contacts she needs, put things together she never thought she would need, and talk to people she didn't know but needed to or at least needed their help. He's kind and sometimes even sweet as he works on categorizing and prioritizing her needs and wants from the most important to the least. He manages to settle her down and keep her from completely breaking apart, knowing she would without him there.

In fact, it is his very presence that helps her the most.

_**Acceptance and Hope:** _

The first thing she does without his help, she actually finds a job on her own (though she doesn't need it with the money and spoils she gets from winning the games). Singing at a lounge room at night for four hours, while diners enjoyed their food and the music. He'll have to check it out one of these days and actually be able to hear her voice (he remembers her sweet, sweet lullaby to poor, little Rue, but her voice was so emotional and clogged with tears –even if it does still sounds so beautiful to his ears).

He comes by, bringing a jabberjay in a cage to give her as a pet, proud of her first step on her own in the Capitol and so that her home is a little bit less lonely and that she has a companion.

She stares at it before a bitter smile crosses her lips and he flinches back, not expecting and not wishing for that reaction.

"I know why I'm here, Mr. Crane. I know I'm not here to be happy and be rewarded for being the victor. This is my punishment for being…defiant, or so President Snow sees me as."

He couldn't refute that, though he hadn't expected her to understand already or speak about it so plainly and out in the open.

"He sees you as dangerous," he quietly adds.

She flinches this time.

"Peeta is dead," she says calmly, though an undercurrent of grief is still there. It's normal, he knows. And even years later, he knows the grief will be there –though hopefully extremely lightened by then. "I am stuck here and I probably won't ever be able to leave."

She understands now that Peeta is dead and not coming, and there isn't anything she can do about it. She knows her place in President Snow's mind, and knows exactly what her situation is. She accepts those to be truth and doesn't shy away from it.

"I have lived in the poorest part of the poorest district," she murmurs. "I have lived through your games and have had yet another loved one taken from me, while I will be kept away from the others and my home. But I won't let this place win; I will force myself to move on. I refuse to let myself rot away here."

He knows that accepting her new lot in life and these new truths are hard for her, and that she won't be instantly happy. But accepting them really will help her move on, this he knows for certain. To deny would prolong the pain and force her to be stagnant. But now she has a chance…now she can try to at least move forward or try to find a way to.

He glimpses the mockingjay pin pinned firmly on her collar and smiles to himself. The symbol of rebellion is front and center at her throat, and signals that she's not ready to lie down and be quiet just yet.

The Girl on Fire is still burning.

Started 3/23/12 –Completed 3/24/12


	2. Methods of Communication/Phobias I

_**Talking:** _

Talking is easier for the two of them after. She's less filtered, even more so than before with her blunt nature, but she's also more open and honest in a way he hadn't thought she could be with him. It was something he appreciated and loved.

The jabberjay sits quietly next to them, jumping around on the couch every once and awhile, with its gold cage on the table next to them. The cage's door is always left open, on Katniss' preference, allowing the jabberjay free reign to come and go as it pleases. It's free from its cage, even when Katniss can't be from hers.

"Why a jabberjay?" she asks him one day, beginning one of their talks.

"They talk," _'sort of'_ he adds in his mind. "I thought you might like something you can talk to."

She shrugs, absentmindedly petting the jabberjay's head gently with a single finger.

"You're here, aren't you?"

And that pleases him immensely.

_**Letters:** _

He manages to get permission for her to be able to receive and send mail back home. The only stipulations she needs to follow is that her mail, incoming and outgoing, must all be read and approved by a Capitol official, and that she can only write to one person. She dislikes it, he can tell by the way her face scrunches adorably, but she says nothing and he leaves her paper and pen to write.

He's not the Capitol official assigned to her letters, though he wished he could be for her sake, because of the fact his actions on her behalf are already suspicious enough as it is and that he is actually sort of obvious about his bias.

But she lets him read her letters anyway.

He's surprised to feel a jolt of jealousy when he realizes the person she's writing is _male_ and not her precious sister –it's a Gale Hawthorne who she writes to fondly and who writes back eagerly.

"Gale's my best friend," she tells him. "And he's much more reliable and organized in writing. He can make sure to get news and words from Prim and Mother and of the rest of the District."

Her voice is too _fond_ when speaking about this boy. Her announcement of Gale being her best friend does nothing to soothe him, though outwardly he is cool and collected.

He doesn't like this Gale.

Prim writes and scribbles onto the letters anyway, and Seneca thinks that the Capitol official is thankfully looking the other way and turning a blind eye to it, kindly allowing such sweet and loving words from the younger sister to her older sister. Still, Gale is prominent in them and Katniss eagerly receives the letters and always quickly writes back.

He's utterly jealous and can't stop himself from feeling it.

_**Phone:** _

"You didn't tell me you turned 17 during the Victory Tour," Seneca tells her reprovingly.

She shrugs. "I didn't think it mattered. No one here would care anyways."

" _I_ care," he says quietly and she grows silent. He clears his throat to try to clear the air after that statement. "And so does Haymitch, Cinna, and Effie. Haymitch sends his love, albeit drunkenly, and he also sends it in the form of a boxed gift. Cinna and Effie will be around later to take you to be pampered for the day, Capitol style. You have permission."

She doesn't know what to say to that, so she stays quiet. Instead, she asks something else.

"What about you?"

"Me?" he blinks. He is hesitant before taking out a small little box that she tentatively takes from him, having only been joking, and opens it to receive an old-fashioned cell phone in her hands.

"You're not quite allowed the fancier and newer communications devices the Capitol has to offer, but I thought you might like to have this if you wanted to reach me. Or any of the others," he tacks on. "You can reach me this way," he reiterates.

She stares at it before she turns and leaves the room, leaving him in confusion and slight dismay, wondering if he'd upset her. But then his own holophone buzzes and he takes it out. No holovid pops up, but Katniss' voice echoes out clearly.

"Thank you."

He smiles satisfactorily.

_**Body Language:** _

Sometimes Katniss' words are at odds with her expressions…and the way her body tenses or fidgets or slumps over –and it just generally frustrates him that she doesn't seem as honest and blunt when it comes to herself.

" _Are you okay?"_

" _I'm fine."_

" _You look tired…"_

" _Do I? I've been working hard around the house though."_

But she has circles under her eyes and she's hunching over more and more each day.

" _You seem kind of anxious?"_

" _Huh, really? I suppose. I'm not used to the Capitol and it still feels odd living here and in this house."_

But her fidgeting is horribly becoming jittery hands and trembling lips, and he feels dread deep in him because this was the same sort of jitteriness he sees of her like when she was back in the Hunger Games. He learns, later from Plutarch Heavensbee, that Snow had made a visit that morning, right before he'd come over.

"You don't answer me with the truth sometimes," he tells her, keeping his voice level and hiding his distress.

"What do you mean?" she asks in confusion, genuinely confused.

He gives her a pointed look that she ignores stubbornly, stirring the pot of what was to be her dinner.

"I mean, sometimes you tell me something, but when I read your body, you're saying something completely different. That is what I am inferring," he spells out softly, cool blue eyes moving to look down at his clasped hands.

She's silent and he inwardly frowns to himself, resigned to not getting an answer. But then she surprises him with her next words.

"How do you know that?" she's not refuting, so he's cautiously hopeful of what that might mean.

"I've always been able to read you," he admits steadily. "I've never had any trouble understanding you, even when you don't speak. That's why, even when you say something, if your body is saying differently, I know you're lying or at least keeping something out."

He misses the odd look she sends him because he focuses on straightening his vest, trying not to start fidgeting in the face of such a strange confession.

"I don't like admitting to any kind of weakness or telling anyone about my problems," she admits in return. "I dislike giving anyone that kind of hold over me. I prefer to keep it to myself or deal with it on my own…and sometimes, I just don't know how to talk to someone. Or I have trouble expressing myself, especially when it comes to how I feel. I've always been like that."

He nods because he knows that goes without saying.

"You don't have to take it all on, on your own," he murmurs and she freezes like a scared rabbit.

There is a moment where they lock eyes and they don't look away, and things are said that are understood…and yet neither know what those things were. Maybe they weren't ready to. Or more that she wasn't ready…and he would stay quiet until she was. Either way, once they looked away from each other, they both knew that something would change between them.

"No one's been able to read me so well like that," she mutters in an unreadable tone. _'Or has come close enough to me to be able to do so,'_ goes unsaid.

"I guess I'm just that close," he tries to joke, but it comes out more like a statement.

And yet, she knows it's more than that too. Even before she –and she acknowledges quietly in her mind –let him get close, he'd been able to get into her head effortlessly, almost instinctually from the moment they'd met officially after the Hunger Games, as if he'd learned her _during_ the games.

"Are you really?" she doesn't joke, but is completely serious.

The 'yes' gets stuck in his throat. They become surrounded with awkward silence.

She stirs her pot.

He straightens his vest, even though it's already straightened.

_**Code:** _

They don't notice it until now, but they have made all sorts of codes for each other.

He hadn't realized it, but when he comes near dinnertime, there's a second placemat already at the table, which says _'you're welcome for dinner.'_ He doesn't even realize when he's staring out the window after a long day of work ( _damn_ the other Gamemakers and _especially damn_ President Snow), that she knows and she sends over Hermes the Jabberjay over to him and nuzzles his jaw and lightly nips affectionately at his ear, catching his attention and giving him the affection that Katniss is too cautious to even attempt.

When she's excessively stressed, she sort of hunches over in a ball on a chair and buries her head into her knees, trying to block everything out. She's never been successful at that, he knows, so whenever he's there and catches her doing so, he comes over and stands behind her, quietly putting his hands on her shoulders and starts skillfully kneading tense muscles as he moves to her neck and back. He ignores her moans and what they do to him.

She hands him a glass of wine, even though she doesn't drink, and he's allowed to stay the night.

He hands her a box of some of the most expensive chocolates in the Capitol, silently saying _'I love you'_ (he admits this mentally only), though she doesn't understand.

He's kind of glad that code is lost in translation.

_**Achluphobia (fear of darkness):** _

He enters her home, freezing at the sight of darkness. It's silent, too silent, and he can't see anything _but darkness_. He's extremely alarmed now, and he flips on the lights in the entrance and tears through her home, putting on all the lights. It doesn't help.

Katniss isn't there.

He's absolutely terrified now, and imagines the worse. It would be no trouble to Snow to arrange an "accident" or even to have her killed without explanation, as long as it's quietly and out of public eye so he can make it out as if she's missing.

Seneca can't imagine either scenario without feeling like he might see red instead of black, and stupidly come after Snow with the intent to kill. He knows that wouldn't end well, so he tries to calm down and figure out where Katniss could be, but it's hard when he ends up having to focus on not hyperventilating.

He trudges into Katniss' room, so clean and untouched…and so very unlike her. It is the one place Snow refuses to allow her to alter, and it's disgustingly completely Snow in design, as if to remind Katniss she can't ever leave his influence or run from her cage. It's feels and looks lifeless in here.

Without further ado, he collapses onto her bed and unhappily realizes he can't even smell her scent. It's smells of the altered roses of the Capitol, and he feels like hurling.

Hermes flies into the room and lands near his head. He barely looks up at it, but the jabberjay has other plans, jumping neatly down to land in front of his face. It's when he hears _her_ voice that he sits up in shock and stares at the bird.

"I'm with President Snow. He wanted to meet with me about something. I'll…be home, Seneca."

And hearing her call him by his first name is enough to calm his racing heart and put him at tentative ease.

_**Agraphobia (fear of sexual abuse):** _

He kept the lights on all night. He fell asleep on her bed, clutching onto a pillow and after using a finger to gently pet Hermes' head until the time his eyes drifted close. When he awakes, he could feel slender fingers gently threading through his hair in a rhythmic motion, soft and pretty humming over his head. He didn't really want to wake up and ruin this.

"Awake then, are you," she states, never missing a thing, that girl.

"Sort of," he murmurs, reluctant to raise his head and stop her hand. He does the next best thing and moves slightly, tilting his head to the side so he can watch her by looking up at her, without lifting his head.

"What are you doing here, Mr. Crane?" she raises an eyebrow in amusement, but he frowns.

"Why don't you call me Seneca? Like last night. Well…Hermes did, but it was your message and your voice…We're close, aren't we? I should think that there shouldn't be any problem with it. Right…Katniss?" Suddenly, he's not sure because maybe she _isn't_ okay with it and not comfortable using his first name, and he had made a huge assumption that he shouldn't have made.

"Okay," he hears instead and he's inwardly relieved.

"I've never seen your hair mussed up like this before," she observes, still moving her hand through his hair. "Usually, it's perfectly parted and combed neatly…but this isn't a bad look on you."

He makes a mental note to try different hairstyles every once in awhile.

"What happened last night?" he asks instead, wanting to know.

But her lips pressed together firmly and her gray eyes cloud indecipherably to him, with her hand stilling on his head. He thinks that it would've been better if he had kept quiet.

"Seneca," and the sound of his name coming out of her lips is enough for him to back down and be satisfied.

"What are you doing here?" she asks again. "And why are all the lights on?"

"I visited last night, the house was dark, and you were nowhere to be seen. I panicked and searched around, until Hermes found me and gave me your message. I decided to stick around and wait for you. I just ended up falling asleep," he says matter of fact, starting to wake up a bit more.

Then he remembers his anxiety and panic last night; waking up is no problem as he shoots up and grasps onto Katniss, holding onto her tightly. But she stiffens up and automatically shoves him away, looking at him in surprise at her actions and fading fear, eyes gaining recognition of him. Instead, she purses her lips and averts her eyes, staring at the floor and determinedly away from him.

And he pales, after his own initial confusion, and realizes he recognizes that shying away like the first time a certain District 4 victor does so from his mentor after the first time he's prostituted.

The urge to hurl comes back again.

_**Agyrophobia (fear of crossing the road):** _

He's not naïve. He's not oblivious. He's knows about the going-ons of certain victors in the Capitol, as arranged by the President. Snow makes it an occasional tradition to recruit the more…desirable victors into prostitution for the more extremely wealthy and influential. Not just anyone could buy time with the victors…no, it was kind of like a secret club. Only certain few, the ones honored for such a privilege, were rewarded the luxury.

Some of his fellow Gamemakers, past and present, had made use of the system, and he admits that he had done so twice as well. The first time as an initiation in his first year as Head Gamemaker, a gift from Snow and one he accepted as to not offend the man. The second time had been of his own volition, right when he realized the Girl on Fire was burning him up in ways he shouldn't contemplate; especially when she was to enter what could have been her death in the Hunger Games.

It was a pastime he didn't particularly like and was uncomfortable with its existence, and he had never engaged in it aside from those two times.

He isn't naïve or oblivious…but the thought of Katniss being put into that situation had never crossed his mind.

Seneca had never thought she would be forced into this system that he had tried hard over the years to turn a blind eye to, knowing no one opposed Snow and no one disagreed with him unless they wanted death, either for themselves or for their loved ones.

But could he really do that now, when this time it was Katniss being put in the crossfire?

 _No_.

He finally had something… _someone_ he had precious to him, and he wouldn't let her suffer in this. All these years, unwilling (and admittedly even slightly afraid of the consequences) of defying any word or action of Snow's, he had known that he'd been on opposite ends with the President for the longest time now…but he had never had reason to go up against the man until then. These years, he'd been stuck at a crossroads, his quiet disagreements at odds with his passive obedience and conformity.

His deference was out of duty. His compliance was because it was expected ( _or else_ ). His respect was for the position. His agreements were reluctant. He submitted because before Katniss, he looked out and had only himself, and therefore he lived only for himself.

He quietly disagreed even when he submissively went along with things, because he had never had reason not to.

This time he had to make a choice and choose a path.

He wants to save her, and he's determined to…but he also knows that he probably can't right away. So for now, he'll just help her cope until a time he can do something permanently.

Started 3/27/12 –Completed 3/29/12


	3. Phobias II

_**Androphobia (fear of men):** _

He knows she's not afraid of him. It's not Seneca. It's…everyone else, though she's never obvious. He just knows from the moment she flinched away from him and was surprised that she had done so, that it wasn't him and it was men in general.

The late night rendezvous President Snow has her going to all the time –and that he can't believe he had been unaware of and had been so blind to ( _he still has trouble seeing her in this position because it's_ _ **Katniss**_ _, and more than that he just can't)_ –takes place mostly after her four hour job. In fact, her job, which she had been quietly very proud of, had become something of a place to contract her.

It was Snow twisting yet another thing for Katniss; this time, something she had finally come to love about the Capitol.

He is proud that she doesn't truly fear _him_ and that when she recognizes him immediately she doesn't flinch or tense up. In fact, once she works on it and starts to memorize his presence again so that she instinctually starts to know when it's him, she stops doing that at all when it comes to him (he ignores the fact that when she's really out of it and he kind of surprises her without warning, that she still does this). That he is just that important and that close to her makes his breath catch.

The peacekeepers outside are a different matter. She starts to stare intensely out the windows at them when she gets too antsy, and if she's too anxious, she starts to grip whatever she's holding at the time very tightly. Enough that she draws blood sometimes.

They've come to like her since being assigned as her guards. They let her get away with coming outside when technically she's supposed to stay strictly inside the house, with her front yard and backyard off limits as well (that's been relaxed since the beginning, as she's settled in and Snow starts adjusting rules).

She can't leave this area, and the Capitol was off limits (but they say nothing when Seneca sometimes brings her out, even when he doesn't have permission). When she is allowed to go to the Capitol, she had to have an escort come with her (they play dumb when she gets restless and sneaks out sometimes to anywhere, just to get rid of the monotony). When on one of those trips she gets a job, now she has to have one of the peacekeepers bring her there (this they adhere to, but it's mostly about her safety).

The peacekeepers keep quiet about most information that they can spare about what goes on in the house and of his frequent, late and early, visits. Seneca knows he visits her way too often, at all the available hours he can, and that that is very suspicious and a little obsessive. But he can't help it.

He still doesn't know why Snow doesn't just bug the place.

The information about her liaisons, he finds out mostly from Plutarch and some of his contacts. Anything else is gleaned from her peacekeepers. It bothers him that she won't confide in him in this, but he knew from the time she said his name just to push him away and the moment she pretended nothing was wrong that morning that the two of them would not be confronting each other about it any time soon. So he does what he can in the meantime.

Of this, at least, he wants to try to help her from.

It doesn't help that her peacekeepers are looking and feeling pretty pathetic and miserable that their caged princess doesn't like them anymore.

He calls up Finnick Odair.

_**Anthropophobia (fear of people or the company of people):** _

The handsome man is all tan skin and sea-green eyes, eyes he knows help lure in people like sirens. Seneca himself agrees to their beauty, but unfortunately for Finnick, he's never been weakened or infatuated by them –romantically or in simple admiration.

Therefore, Finnick has a hard time tripping him up or making him flustered by the younger man's usual flirting.

Finnick shrugs, sea-green eyes rolling playfully. "You never succumb to my whims, dearest Seneca. Where's the girl then?"

"She's in the back," he murmurs, looking down briefly at the thought of her.

"Be right back then," he winks at the Head Gamemaker, before the victor trots past him and to the backyard.

Seneca glances back out the front door, seeing the peacekeepers playing deaf and dumb as usual. He closes the door with a quiet click before turning on his heel to meet with the two outside. When he sees them, he can see Finnick already flirting up a storm with Katniss. He tenses and his fingers twitch as he frowns heavily, but he forces himself to relax and put on a neutral face. Jealousy would do no one good here.

He can see that Finnick is getting the desired fluster from Katniss that he couldn't get from Seneca, but he can also see from the young man's face that he's slightly disappointed that while flustered and flattered, she's still as cautious as her usual nature. He turns from them and busies himself with lunch, making lamb stew as a treat to Katniss for enduring company. He's only slightly surprised, but more satisfied, that the two's talk last all the way until lunch, where the two walk in laughing and still talking.

He observes her posture, noticing it's looser and the corners of her smile are twitching upwards in quiet amusement. She's relaxed and comfortable, not as tense as she usually is these days and had been earlier, waiting for Finnick to arrive.

They eat quickly and quietly, before Finnick pulls her into a game of charades. He's pulled into it too somehow, and then even some of the peacekeepers are invited into the game. Katniss only tenses briefly before she's relaxed and everything is fine. He takes it as a good sign.

Later, she leaves for her job and it's just him and Finnick in her home and the District 4 victor is quiet and smiling bitterly as he whirls wine in his glass in contemplation.

"She's a lovely sweetheart," Finnick mutters. "Reminds me a bit of my Annie…"

Seneca stays quiet, listening intently.

"I've heard of her, secrets about her –information about her leaking from some of my clients' lips. They all love her. Frank and honest, they say. It's a change, refreshing and a bit relieving to be with someone like that for once. It's one thing to enjoy being with someone and let them say lies into your ear…but Katniss is different. And they love that. They love being with someone who will be honest and sincere with them. They don't want to be with someone who would pretend in their arms, but a moment of truth in their moment of ecstasy. I admit I'm flirtatious and can entice and move any man or woman…exempting you…but I can't be honest in my affections for them, just as they delude themselves that it is –even when deep down they can feel it isn't. Katniss doesn't lie to them."

Seneca swallows heavily. This was the information he needed to hear, that he had wanted and tried so hard to uncover so he could know what he could do for Katniss. It's still hard to take in.

"You know the kicker?" Finnick's voice turns as bitter as his smile. "She makes them feel as if they're the only thing that matters, that she can only see them. When she's with them, she makes them feel special and like they're her entire world. It's no wonder she's getting to be so popular, and running me out of the top spot. I can't do that either; Annie and the others are always in the back of my mind. After all's said and done, the clients leave me afterwards and start to slowly realize the truth in comparison."

They both know that's not a good thing. It's mean _more_ and Katniss is still new to this and they know now that many people will want a piece of her. Seneca also knows that Finnick's bitterness is a sign that he knows this to be as much truth as the knowledge that it means while Finnick will finally get some relief and a little freedom, it also means that Katniss will be the one taking over and will be the one subjected to the life Finnick had known and hated.

"I'm sorry," and Finnick means it because he wants to save her when he couldn't be saved.

"I am too," and Seneca acknowledges his willing blindness aloud for once.

"She tells me she's become afraid of people," Finnick confesses, and Seneca is amazed that the two had gotten close enough for Katniss to admit to that. "She doesn't like to be around others anymore either."

Seneca knows. Before she'd be uncomfortable, especially since people here were so different than what she was used to. Now, though she hates admitting to it and tries not to show it, she's too wary and too tense around others when Seneca manages to get her to go out.

"But she's comfortable and feels safe with you," the younger man says suddenly and it startles him, enough for him to turn and look sharply at him. "You know, if you want her to try getting over all this, you might want to take her out more in public or something. Or maybe let some of the other victors come and hang out with her. Try Brutus."

"Brutus?" Seneca nearly reels back, but has enough self-control to only curl his lips slightly.

Finnick laughs. "Yeah, I know. But truth is…I think he's kind of lonely. Much as his district loves him and he's brought them pride and honor, he can't seem to fit back into society after the games. He's a bit broken. Then again, I think all victors kind of are."

Seneca flinches.

_**Apiphobia (fear of bees):** _

"Come on, city boy. You're trekking a little slow," he's glad to hear the teasing lilt to her voice, something that's been missing for awhile, but that still doesn't make him speed up.

He's traveling with her through one of the rare patches of forests surrounding the Capitol. It'll remind her of home, but hopefully it will be a good thing. She's told him before about her illegal hunting, how she used to sneak out into the forest surrounding her district and she would hunt game to sell. It's how she got so good at archery, with her father teaching her in those very woods.

He knows she feels at home in this forest, so he really hopes this will be a good thing.

"Hey, you know, we don't have to come here. We're not really wearing the correct clothes for it and I'm guessing you're not used to this kind of thing…" she trails off in question.

Seneca shakes his head, smiling in contained amusement. "No, I don't usually do these kinds of things, but I'm really not that helpless, Katniss. I can handle myself in the wilderness."

Still, he's wearing his usual suit and she's wearing a dark green sundress (an outfit from Cinna, knowing that at least he's allowed to clothe Katniss, even if he can't see her). The sundress is pretty and more to her simple style than the outrageous fashions of the Capitol, but it's still not fit for what he knows she has planned for the day.

Perhaps he should have just made this a picnic trip than allowed her free reign of the day.

Suddenly, he feels a soft hand grab onto his and then he sees that she's slowed down and is now walking side by side with him, and holding hands as they walked further into the forest. Her hand is soft, but he can feel the calluses on the tips of her fingers, showing her history of long-term practicing of archery and of the hard work endured in the poorest of districts. His hand, in comparison, is not soft but not callused. It's smooth and free of hard work and the knowledge of enduring pain to live life.

He knows this is because he's a Capitol citizen, and in the upper ridges of society at that.

"Here we are," she murmurs, instinctually knowing that this was where Seneca wanted her to stop at, looking in awe at the clearing. "How did you find this place?"

"I was looking around the forests because I know you like them, so I found this as something you can have as a reminder of home."

She blushes delicately and it's so rare of her that he treasures the sight.

They had finally stopped at a small clearing that would have been nothing, had it not been for the beautiful arrangement of a wide variety of flora and scattered ponds in the middle of them. She tugs at his hand and directs him to a tree, where he finally shows a little apprehension. Then he shrugs it off before she can see it, because it's not really a big deal. He's adventurous and he doesn't mind trying new things, and it wasn't like he was afraid or new to the outdoors like most Capitol citizens.

It's just rare for him to do so and he's not particularly the best at it (but he's not the worse). He's just…unpracticed and inexperienced, especially compared to her. He doesn't do this often, hence why (he does admit that, as Head Gamemaker for three years and Gamemaker for nine, he has a sort of pride and paranoia about his work in the games and admits to camping out a day and a night in the arena just for the sole purpose of making sure things go right, at least in the environment).

She climbs up easily, even in a dress and ballerina flats, and he hesitates at the bottom.

"What's the trouble, slowpoke?" she calls down from her high perch.

He rolls his eyes at her. "Not all of us are natural climbers, monkey girl. Hold your horses." And he slowly starts to make his way up, when a stray tiny branch catches onto his white pants and he unblinkingly continues, ignoring the rip it causes.

"You should make up monkey mutts next games," she remarks, slightly teasing and an undercurrent of bitterness he tries not to pay attention to.

"You know, I think I will," he returns, and he's glad to see her take the joke lightly and not become more bitter.

"Your pants ripped," her eyebrows furrow together, and she touches a finger to the tear gently. He can feel her fingertip against his exposed skin and he shivers unnoticeably.

"I'm fine," he smiles softly. "I'm not harmed and I have more of these pants at home."

They talk quietly for awhile, heads bent towards each other so they can speak only to each other, comfortable sitting on the branch and being face to face on it as they enjoyed the beautiful day and the lovely scenery around them.

"Seneca, why did you do all this?" she asks suddenly after they'd gone quiet for awhile.

He looks away. "I know how you miss District 12. You tell me about the forests there a lot, especially. I mean what I've been saying. I wanted to take you out to somewhere you can consider a piece of your home, even in a place that isn't."

She's quiet at that and he chances a look at her. She looks contemplative and he wonders why.

"Hey…even though my house is my cage…it becomes home when you're around," she admits and his heart skips a beat, especially when she smiles gratefully at him.

Then her smile freezes and she's looking over his shoulder. He looks back in confusion and sees a small yellow and black insect buzzing behind him before it flies off suddenly. When he looks back at Katniss, her eyes are dilated, she's shaking a little, and there's a slight sheen of sweat on her forehead as she starts breathing heavily.

"Katniss…Katniss…Katniss!"

He knows she's in shock and he knows that he can guess why. It wasn't a trackerjacker behind him, but it was a bee and it was close enough and now Katniss is having an episode. He swallows a bitter pill as he grasps her face in his hands and has her look directly at him, speaking her name softly. She lets out an unwilling sob and throws her arms around him and cries into his chest, where he can feel her tears seep through his shirt. He holds onto her just as tightly and murmurs whatever words he can to comfort her, rocking her back and forth precariously on the branch.

Started 3/30/12 –Completed 3/31/12


	4. Phobias III

_**Arachnophobia (fear of spiders):** _

There is a scream from inside the house and Seneca hurries up his trek to it, glancing back briefly to see the peacekeepers tensing up. He waves them off as he makes his way inside, not absolutely sure if it was wise to take this all on on his own.

He's not quite sure what to make of Katniss kneeling on her hands and knees on her dining table, staring in fear seemingly at nothing.

"Katniss?" he asks in confusion.

"Get it! _Get it_!" she screeches.

He stares at her and then looks over to where her hysterical gaze is looking at, heading over a moment later. He sees the long-legged spider before he's even within a foot of it. He can't help bursting out in laughter.

Katniss Everdeen, the Girl on Fire, and Victor of the 74th Hunger Games…afraid of spiders?

It was just too amusing for him to think about clearly. This girl had braved the forests of the arena and of her own home in District 12, faced worse things, and was brushing hostile arms in fake pleasantry with Snow…and yet she was terrified of spiders. It was bemusing to him when he knew she'd faced scarier things; that who knew Katniss' worse fear after everything, or at least the 'least' worse fear, would be the eight-legged creatures?

And weren't there plenty of spiders in the forests and District 12?

He quickly snatches the spider and carries it outside, dropping it to the ground. He nods to the peacekeepers.

"There's your culprit," he says blandly, before heading back inside. He knows they'll do their job seriously, amusingly enough, and laugh at the hilarity while stomping on the thing. And he knows they'll take the mickey out of Katniss about it too.

"Is it gone?" Katniss asks quietly, staring at him intensely from her place on her table. "Did you get it?"

He nods and she narrows her stormy gray eyes at him.

"Don't you dare say anything."

He doesn't and he won't, but he can't help the fond smile that makes its way onto his lips.

_**Astraphobia (fear of thunder and lightning):** _

She's lived in the Capitol awhile now. It's still a strange thought and it still feels strange, but Seneca has helped made the transition a lot smoother than she thought it would be.

He's been a lot of help actually.

He's with her now, sleeping over as he was apt to do whenever she lets him. She never says it outright, just hands over a glass of wine for him to enjoy and signal that it would be alright to do so. Tonight, especially, seems to be a perfect case what with the weather as it was outside. It was simple rain at first, but now it's getting to be a storm, with thunder starting in the distance and lightning following.

She glances outside, seeing the weather, and frowns at it. Then she notices the loyal and determined peacekeepers and shakes her head. She gestures for them to head into the permanent Guardhouse and they're reticent, but she finally manages to convince them, using a stern glare, to hurry in before the storm blows them over. As for herself, she grabs a spare blanket and refills Seneca's glass of wine, planning on cuddling with him in this weather while watching old movies.

She's surprised to see him stiff and eyes squeezed closed on the couch.

"Seneca?"

"Here, Katniss," he murmurs, not opening his eyes.

There was a loud crack of thunder overhead and he flinches, the only sign of his discomfort he willingly shows, aside from his clenched hands and closed eyes.

She puts aside his glass of wine on the side-table and flings the blanket over him, slipping underneath it and cuddling to his side after. She says nothing, but offers silent comfort, especially as she slowly reaches over to grab his hand and hold tight.

"My mother died when I was born," he starts quietly. "And my father was all I had. But he was a Gamemaker and very proud of it. He left me often, and when there were storms like this, I was alone to hear the loud cracks of thunder and see the bright flashes of light that would blind me when I ran away from it. Alone in my room, the storm would rage on and my father would still be gone, and I would be by myself to deal with it. I grew absolutely terrified of them. I can't believe I still have that silly little fear," he laughs deprecatingly, but she doesn't laugh.

He didn't really laugh at her fear and she won't laugh at his.

And she knows a little something about dead parents and neglectful ones.

_**Atychiphobia (fear of failure):** _

She's afraid of failing again. She doesn't want to fail Seneca, like she failed Peeta. She doesn't want him to get hurt and she definitely doesn't want him to die on her, like she'd fail to save Peeta and his death was all her fault.

That's why she reluctantly adheres to so many of Snow's demands.

The man is a sadist, she can swear. He knows every little tick and button to tweak and push to make her angry, lash out, and ready to kill him with her bare hands.

He also knows that Seneca Crane has become irrevocably and undeniably very close to her, and she returns the sentiments sincerely, even if it took some time for her to do so.

" _He's a smart man. Resourceful. I told him I liked him, and I still do. But I had warned him to tread carefully when it came to you and the recent Hunger Games. He's lucky that it ended as it did. He would have been a genius for his unforgettable ending of the games –two victors or no victors –either way, he would have been considered a genius, even if he wouldn't have been able to appreciate it. And even now, he's a genius with the way it's been capitalized on your pain. But had it gone between those two choices, it would have been guaranteed of his execution."_

_Her body runs cold. After getting so close to Seneca, it's hard to imagine her life without him and especially his death, or that she'd indirectly been the cause of it._

" _But you're a little more cautious than he is, aren't you? **You** know a little more about responsibility than he did, don't you? All these years of taking care of your sweet sister and your mother…and now, in a way, Mr. Crane. Miss Everdeen, I believe you would appreciate the meaning of 'tread carefully' much more."_

The threat against her mother and sister, and of those she loves back in District 12, makes her feel nauseous. But it is the immediate threat against Seneca –who's here, right now and within reach of her fingertips if she so dares, that has her wanting to hunch over in pain and has her heart beating and clenching like it wants to die. He's done so much for her and she's grown so incredibly close to him, and while Prim and Mother were home and in danger, Seneca is much closer and he's more liable to be in danger and killed in front of her if she ever dares to cross the line ( _and really, she has gotten_ _ **unbearably**_ _close to him in a way that it seems as if he transcends her family and District 12 at times, not that she can fully understand this_ ).

That her defiance could mean his death makes her force herself to quiet down and stomp down any light of rebellion that wants to escape and silently submit to Snow's machinations and demands without protest.

And that's why she quietly accepts Snow's sordid proposition with only a hard stare and closed hands that draw blood.

_**Autophobia (fear of being alone and isolated):** _

Being in the Capitol, she feels likes it's her against them. They're so vastly different from her and she can't find it in her to completely accept her permanent prison even more because of it. They all seem frivolous and ridiculous to her, and she thinks that they're all rather shallow. It makes her feel alone and separated even more than she physically is.

Seneca helps to push the loneliness away and make her feel like she's not alone and has someone on her side.

When she begins to feel like the entirety of the situation is starting to overwhelm her again, all she needs to do is look to the side and Seneca is there like always. She calms down almost immediately and silently gives thanks to his loyal presence, even when she questions it and wonders about why she feels the way she does about it.

There are times where she fears being alone simply when she remembers the Hunger Games, and all she can feel is the _thump thump_ of her heart and the silence around her, and she thinks she's back in the games and she's alone, frightened, and about to be killed any second –thinking she never left the games in the first place and everything has been a hallucination. Even just simply recalling the feeling of being alone and remembering it from the games is enough to make her tense.

Seneca simply reaches over without a word and silently holds her hand in comfort, bringing her back to reality.

It's him whom makes the difference in being alone in this situation and being in the situation with someone to hold her hand for once.

_**Aviophobia (fear of flying):** _

The idea of flying for him meant freedom. The vast, wide open skies…the wind blowing against him…He'd once wanted that kind of freedom, to fly away and just keep going.

The very idea of it terrifies him now.

If he flew…if he just started to flap his metaphorical wings…it would mean that he would be leaving Katniss behind. To fly away now would leave her alone here by herself, and he could never do that. Now that he had her, the very idea of flying was the farthest thing from his mind, even foreign now.

But now he's afraid his little bird will fly away herself, just to escape her cage.

It's a selfish thought, but he doesn't want her to fly away and leave him behind either.

It's a rare thought for him though, because he does honestly want her to be happy and free and out of her cage…but sometimes that thought crosses his mind, especially in his darker, lonelier hours. And just because it's rare…

…doesn't stop the fact that he's thought it at all.

_**Chaetophobia (fear of hair):** _

The two of them have grown to be very comfortable with each other, enough so to be able to joke and tease freely. Like now…

"I like your beard."

He raises an eyebrow at her and she just smiles innocently.

"It's wicked."

He laughs and shakes his head, but she surprises him when she touches her fingertips gently against his jaw, caressing his beard slightly in curiosity and enjoyment. But then her eyes darkens and makes him nervous.

"It kind of actually reminds me of some of the designs of some of the swords back in the games," and he can feel her fingers begin to tremble.

Not wanting the light mood to be ruined and for bad memories to interrupt, he turns his head and brushes his lips against her fingertips purposely, with it being his turn to surprise her as he looks straight into her eyes with an unreadable gaze.

Her eyes are wide and he can see her throat move to swallow nervously.

"You know…I think you're afraid of hair," she says weakly, ignoring what happened.

"Oh?"

"Your beard is so neatly and thinly trimmed. Your beard barely has the hair to show the design," she's back to being teasing and he's inwardly relieved.

"If you say so," he rolls his eyes.

He's embarrassed to say that she accidentally proves herself sort of right when they fall asleep for a nap and when he wakes up, he'd somehow gotten her hair tangled around his head and starts freaking out.

_**Chronophobia (fear of time and time moving forward):** _

Time has certainly passed by for her in her new home. Sometimes, it bothers her and she feels like she's standing still while everything around her is moving forward. She's afraid of how she hasn't noticed just exactly how much time has passed and that she has gotten so used to this place that things have become almost second nature.

It scares her the most when memories and thoughts of District 12 become faded.

A part of her doesn't like how much has changed and that she has accepted her new life and her home somewhat. That part of her _especially_ dislikes the acceptance.

And yet, even if she doesn't like it, it is the undeniable truth that the world has been moving forward without her willingly moving with it or noticing she has.

She's afraid and dislikes that idea because a part of her is taciturn and stubbornly clinging to memories of the past, of the days where she would just sneak out into the forests and hunt with Gale, remember a sweet boy with bread, bargain with flirtatious Darius and boisterous Cray, and take care of her precious sister and her frail mother…holding on to the hope that she could one day return to District 12.

The worse part of her moving forward without her permission is the fact that she's moving on from Peeta's memory.

She doesn't feel like she deserves to. She doesn't feel like it's right to. She feels guilty for it. But she can't help it.

Seneca just naturally makes her forget her woes and just enjoy herself and her life.

He makes her happy just by being there, makes her smile in their talks. Things that should remind her about the Hunger Games (or even when it's not reminders and she just can't help thinking about the games and talking about it) and make her bitter for a moment, he's able to joke about it or distract her from it so that she feels lighter and forget about the games a bit.

But when he's gone and she's all alone in her cage for a home, her thoughts darkens and remembers poor Peeta and she feels guilty for being happy when he's dead and it was her fault and she couldn't save him…

Wasn't that how it should be? What right did she have to move on when he's gone and she's still here, enjoying (even if caged) her life as much as she could?

He loved her. He loved her and she let him die. And he died with her callous lie and he died when she should've been faster and more decisive.

He died and she's sort of happy and he died and she's alive and he wanted her and she has Seneca –

Her torrent of thoughts are abruptly cut off because she can't stand them. Instead she grips the newest letter from Gale tightly, crumpling it.

"Is something the matter?" and there was Seneca's smooth, soft voice with his dependable presence close by as always.

"Prim's got a boyfriend," she mutters.

_Isn't she 12? She's too young for a boyfriend._

He gently tugs the letter away from her and reads it himself.

"'I should like to tell you that Prim and Rory are dating. Aren't the twerps adorable?'" Seneca reads that one line aloud.

Katniss frowns to herself. Has she really been away from home that long? She was pretty sure Prim wasn't at that age to even care about boys in that way, at least seriously…Has that much time passed? How had she not noticed?

"You know, if you read the scribbles here and here, it says –'Gale, you're a jerk brother!' and 'Stupid Gale! Don't tell my sister lies!'" Seneca reads again, somehow knowing she was in distress about the issue.

Part of the problem is settled, but she still has a problem with the passage of time.

And Prim would be turning 13 soon…the age where kids get a little curious and there were tentative dating going on. How fast time flies…And soon enough, those two kids really might start dating and it might be really serious and she wouldn't be there and be missing everything –

Strong, lean arms wrap around her and squeeze briefly, when he whispers into her ear.

"What are you thinking?"

She honestly can't tell him just where her mess of thoughts are heading.

But she turns in his arms and looks up, her breath catching and she stilling like a statue. There's a familiar look on his face and in his eyes as he gazes at her, and it's one she's seen before.

The sincere tenderness of the face and loving eyes she'd seen on Peeta in the cave and in his dying moments directed towards her.

She understands now a little bit, of why Seneca is always there and why she's not as bothered by things when he is. She understands why he tries so hard for her and does what he can to make her comfortable in her home. She understands his reasons, even when hers are still a little clouded to her.

Most of all, she's afraid of moving on from Peeta's unrequited love with Seneca.

The boy with bread died loving her until his very last breath. She doesn't know how to move on from that and let herself be happy with someone else.

Guilt would just consume her because Peeta loved her but she didn't love him and how can she let herself be happy with this man by moving on with someone _shejustmightlove_?

The epiphany makes her straighten up with a jolt, almost pulling away from the Capitol-bred man. Her breath catches and she can feel unwanted tears prickling at her eyes; she can't stand to look at Seneca and averts her eyes away, grasping hold onto him as she cries into his chest.

How can she love someone else and be happy when a boy was so loyal and kind had loved her first and had died because of her, and she didn't even have the decency to love him back?

Her thoughts are a mess again.

Started 4/2/12 –Completed 4/3/12


	5. Phobias IV

_**Cibophobia (fear of food):** _

Snow is up to something, is the first thing Seneca thinks when the President suggests that he take Katniss out to all the Capitol parties he needs to attend to, though it's more like an order under the façade of being a suggestion. Seneca has been taking Katniss out to them every once and a while with permission, to get her out and always to what she could cope with ( _though truthfully, he'd wanted her seen with him so he could make a claim and make the others see she's_ _ **his**_ _and to_ _ **back off**_ _, hoping that a more visual and subtly aggressive claim would help to warn her admirers to back down and lessen her load)_ , but Snow seems to want her to be shown off in all of them, damn what she could currently handle.

So he asks Cinna for a dress for the occasion, the stylist eagerly comes up with another beautiful piece ( _"Please tell her I miss her and wish her well. Is she okay?" "I will and she is.")_ , and she's being fitted in it by his own prep team, who have become as endeared to her as her own. They certainly joke more with her than they have with him, though they all get along quite well.

At the party, she's uncomfortably being moved around and she's smiling half in stiffness. The more observant Capitol citizens notice and make an effort to try to include her and help her relax, and she eventually does, and Seneca relaxes just the tiniest bit as he is grateful to those people.

Then it's time to eat and everything starts out fine until people started stuffing themselves and then taking a small bottle of clear liquid called _Crapula_ , allowing people to regurgitate the food they'd just eaten and then for them to eat more.

He could see Katniss' face grow more and more stony the longer she sat there in the midst of it all, but she was completely quiet and kept eating her simple plate, not saying a word and acting like everything was fine and she didn't seem bothered.

He could remember the Victor's Party in Snow's mansion, where she first witnessed this, and the look of faint revulsion and absolute refusal to take part in it.

Even now, he could see her leg jerk slightly every once and a while, like she wanted to jump up and escape the room. Finally, he knows when she's had enough and is daintily dabbing at her mouth with a napkin and then standing up. Her eyes are like storm clouds and she gazes over everyone, voice aloft as her eyes are directed above their heads and refusing to look at any of them.

"I apologize, but excuse my presence. I don't think I feel so well."

Without another word, she leaves and doesn't look back. Seneca looks down at his half-eaten plate before he, too, abruptly stands up and all eyes are now directly on him. He can see some of their faces are varied from shock, discomfort, confusion, to even a few that understand.

"I'm sorry. Excuse me as well," he says briefly and he takes off and goes after her.

He manages to catch her in the hallway outside the dining room they'd left behind and he catches her arm.

"What is it?" she asks irritably.

"I know you are upset, but this is normal in the Capitol," he tries to calm her down, and in a way, it was as if he was trying to explain himself too –because he was one of them, a Capitol citizen, and truthfully he'd participated in these vomiting acts a few times before and hadn't thought of anything of it until now and seen how disturbing it looks.

"Normal? _Normal_?" she hisses out like an angry cat, or tiger more like. "That is not normal! _That_ is revolting! You all don't even appreciate the food you've eaten! All you are doing is wasting food, eating and throwing it up like sport! It is a waste when there are _people out there who suffer because they're starving and_ _ **they don't have any food at all**_ _!_ "

"But…but there isn't anything we can do about that," he stammers, because he doesn't really know how to argue in their defense against that.

"I –!"

She's cut off when a throat is cleared and usually jovial Plutarch is halfway out the door and had interrupted them. He looks awkwardly at them, giving a small smile.

"I'm sorry, but I wanted to know if the two of you wanted anything to go?"

Katniss straightens herself up and lifts her chin up angrily.

"No thank you," she says coldly and then she's leaving them behind.

Vaguely, Seneca realizes this is actually their first real fight and he doesn't really know what to do about it –he feels completely lost.

_**Decidophobia (fear of making decisions):** _

She hasn't spoken to him and hasn't let him into her house for the last three days, ever since the party. It's driven him crazy, especially since he's so used to seeing her every day and being around her, that the absence of her is actually physically painful.

He hadn't realized just how ingrained she was into his life until she wasn't there; he hadn't realized how much he had purposefully set out to revolve his life around her and made her his only real concern. He'd been so focused on it, that in the end their lives had become irrevocably intertwined.

And without her, his life seems monotonous and incomplete. Everything is black and white, no color to make things seem alive.

It doesn't help when her peacekeepers give him the evil eye every time he comes over and tries to convince her to let him in; worse, when they even start to not let him get close at all.

He almost decides to snub Snow in his agitation and depression, when he's been summoned to an impromptu meeting with him. Instead, he goes to the man's mansion and reluctantly hears what he has to say.

"Gamemaker Crane," Snow acknowledges him without looking his way, clipping one of his beloved roses. "You're a man who has to deal with decision-making all the time, aren't you? Especially during the games. So you would be very familiar with the art of decisions."

Seneca says nothing, wondering where the President was going with it.

"I'm sure you have figured out why I hadn't allowed Miss Everdeen to be so public with her liaisons. If not, I will enlighten you –I wanted her out of the public eye. It is my misfortune that those… _underdogs_ of District 12 have managed to spread their beliefs of her captivity before I could manage to spread my word. The Capitol is unaware of those 'rumors' and I want it kept that way; they are very much in love with Miss Everdeen and too attached to allow for her to be unhappy, though I can at least count for their self-delusions that such a thing isn't possible for their beloved Girl on Fire –who would want to believe that they and their home make their much loved victor unhappy?"

He knows that's not all there is to it.

"They were attached to Peeta Mellark too, you know. Perhaps not as much, but still. And they know just how genuinely her grief was and how much it hurt her when he died. I understood it wouldn't be prudent to allow her to run around with other men and women, as like Mr. Odair, when the public still loved and remembered Mr. Mellark, and when they knew she was still hurting. They would figure out something was wrong and you know our system is a very quiet and selective arrangement."

That, he had been informed of by Finnick. The young man had told him his theory about why Snow wasn't openly having Katniss gallivanting around with her 'dates', like Finnick had been forced to do, and was instead meeting with them quietly and secretly in their homes in the dark of the night.

"But the most important reason, I believe, is why she's so popular amongst them. Each of them liked to believe they're the most important person to her, that they are special –it's what she specializes in, you see. If I were to have her seen with a different person each night, why –that would ruin the illusion! They all liked to believe that Miss Everdeen loves them the most and they are the only one, and to see her with others would show it differently."

Seneca doesn't know why that reason surprises him, when it's obvious, but it does. He still doesn't know what Snow's point is.

"Do you know why I don't bug Miss Everdeen's home or tap her communications? I don't even have her followed or watched, you know."

Seneca really wants to know this, and it's been bugging him for quite some time. He doesn't understand it.

"I don't need to," Snow smiles slowly, almost mockingly. "Why should I? When I have you."

His blood runs cold and he doesn't understand.

"You see, you keep her in line. You keep her happy and content, with no thoughts to rebel or escape from this place. And especially with the threat of your death hanging over her head, you whom she's come to care for so dearly, well that definitely keeps her passive in the face of rebellion."

Seneca feels sick that his life is being used to keep Katniss in line; that he hadn't even known his life was in danger at all. And he hates himself and feels guilty for unknowingly helping to keep her cage because of that, and through his own actions. He'd only wanted to keep her happy…

"Even if she's angry against me and the Capitol, all she has is thoughts and words," Snow says dismissively. "They do nothing."

Snow finishes clipping one more rose and takes a bunch of them and puts them together in a bouquet, tying them up with a black ribbon.

"For Miss Everdeen," Snow hands it over to him and he takes it numbly. He notices the piece of paper slipped between two stems and takes it out. "It's time to make a decision, Gamemaker Crane. Choose well."

Seneca opens up the note and stares.

"I understand," he whispers.

He knows Katniss is sometimes afraid of making decisions for certain things, reminded of her indecision during the end of the games and its cost. She doesn't want to repeat that mistake and tries not to be in charge of the more important decisions when she can.

He now understands the feeling, as he now has to make a difficult decision himself.

It's raining.

_**Disposophobia (fear of losing things or people):** _

Katniss wants to turn off the holotelevision, but knows she can't. It turned on by itself, meaning Snow was behind turning it on and wants her to watch something. She sees him on the holotv, poised to make an announcement, and she wants to throw something at his face, even though she knows he's not there in person so the act wouldn't even do anything in the first place.

"It is to my great consternation…and yet also happiness…that this year's Quarter Quell edition of the 75th Hunger Games are to be skipped for the year. Or more appropriately, to be _postponed_. Do not be aggrieved –for there is something special planned in place of it! Look forward to it. It will be a one of a kind event, and promised to be spectacular."

She purses her lips and decides it might be worth it to throw something at his 'face' after all; then her holotv might be broken and she wouldn't have to be forced to watch him again.

She hears a noise and looks outside, seeing a disturbance. She sees Seneca speaking to one of the peacekeepers before thrusting a bouquet of white roses at the man, and she opens the window slightly to hear what's going on.

"From Snow," she hears him mutter angrily.

And then she blinks in surprise, because she doesn't really know how to take the next scene. Seneca darts from under the peacekeeper's arms, busy with the roses, and moves out of reach of the other peacekeeper's reach, before he's sprinting across her yard before her other peacekeepers could come to their aid. Seneca is surprisingly fast and easily outpaces them, reaching her amusingly normal picket fence and grasping onto the top, smoothly leaping over it and then running to her door.

He's pounding on it desperately and she doesn't know if she should open it this time.

"Katniss! Katniss, please! Open the door!"

She moves to it and can see that he keeps glancing back at the rapidly approaching peacekeepers, his pounding growing more louder and frantic the closer they were. So she opens the door and finds the sight of him so disheveled strange. This usually maintained Capitol man had wet strands of his hair clinging to his face and out of their neat style, his perfectly groomed appearance is ruined with his usually pressed suit soaking wet and places sagging with the weight of the rainwater, and his straight posture is gone and he's hunched over and leaning over her porch in physical and emotional exhaustion, one hand using the wall to keep him semi-upright.

She nods to the peacekeepers and they reluctantly leave her with him.

"Please don't be upset with me," he murmurs. "I'll let you win every fight, so long as you never shut me out like this again."

She swallows heavily and doesn't understand how much she could affect this man or why.

"I lost Peeta," she tells him. "I don't want to lose you too."

And she grabs onto him when he surprises her when he starts crying and she ends up crying too. They slide to their knees, clutching onto each other in the doorway of her home, crying on her porch with her peacekeepers quietly watching over them.

_**Erotophobia (fear of sexual love or sexual abuse):** _

It's his first time visiting her job and it's a really classy place. It's expensive too, looking at the menu. Strategically placed simple chandeliers, a grand piano in the middle of the room, and circular tables around the room where people dined. High-arched windows were spaced through the room, with a second floor accompanied by balconies set the place.

The best part was Katniss singing beautifully near the piano, dressed in a scarlet dress (one of _his_ colors), and face lit up in happiness.

When it's her break time, he goes and tries to search for her. He finds her in a lit up empty hallway, pressed against the wall by a slightly familiar man, who from what he could see of him from the back had neon blue highlights in his blonde hair and was wearing a bright red tuxedo. The red dressed couple was practically plastered together as the unknown man ran his lips down her neck.

But it was her that Seneca watched.

Her face was tilted upwardly; eyes fluttering close as her red-painted lips parted slightly. Her pale cheeks were starting to flush with more of the color red, and a sharp breath escapes her when the man's lips touch a particularly sensitive area.

He flees the scene when he can't bear to watch anymore.

He's infuriated and wants to go back and beat the man to a pulp, but knows he can't because Katniss is either on one those horrible 'dates' or this man is one of her clients taking liberties outside of his arrangement. But he's more angry at himself.

He's glad for the cold, frigid air outside in the Capitol night, which cools him down and makes him feel less stress –

Because he had been more preoccupied with becoming overcome with lust and want, rather than the fury he felt at the situation. He can remember the wanton look on her face, the enticing red coloring slowly filling her cheeks, the welcoming sinful lips that he wanted to claim for his own…And he sees less of the man and instead pictures himself being the one pressed up against her, cornering her against the wall in need…

And Seneca hates it because it makes him feel horrible and look despicable because he's focused on such base urges, when she was in the middle of a horrible and forced situation and he's too busy feeling lust at the sight of her in it.

At the moment, he really can't stand himself.

_**Erythrophobia (pathological blushing):** _

He's stated before that Katniss does not blush easily. It's rare and to see it is just the loveliest image.

To take his mind off of his disappointment in himself from that night, he gives himself the task to make Katniss blush as much as he can for the rest of the week. Most of the tactics he tries are too subtle, not enough, and just overall fails.

Nudity doesn't even bother her. She doesn't blink at it, and has long been desensitized to it through the many times with his or her prep teams…and her various clients. That said, he misses the days where she used to be so easily ruffled by someone's bare flesh, though she's still offset by it these days and most of the time refuses to look when it happens in front of her.

But he decides he'd still try his hand at it anyways.

So he chucks off his clothes and stows them somewhere away from the bathroom, gets into her shower and uses it (without even really needing to), and then gets out precisely when he hears her come back inside from her job at the lounge. After wrapping a towel around his waist, he proceeds to time when he would get out just to make sure he ran into her first thing. When this surprisingly goes to plan, she steps back and stops short when she realizes the state he's in.

He starts rethinking his decision when she's still staring blankly nearly a minute later, and starts feeling a little self-conscious.

He can feel water droplets clinging everywhere on his body and his hair clinging and uncombed, and his towel was starting to unravel the longer he stood there. Uncomfortably, he starts grabbing at his towel and sort of fidgets.

"Um…I was trying to take a shower before you came home," he mutters weakly.

All of a sudden, her face starts slowly turning a bright red, and a small squeak escapes her mouth. She turns abruptly and quickly scuttles away like a shy mouse. He grins and thinks smugly that he actually managed to succeed in his goal.

And he's utterly satisfied that the sight of _him_ undressed still manages to make her flustered and full-on blushing.

_**Frigophobia (fear of becoming too cold):** _

It's raining once again, but at least there's still no thunder and lightning. He's also staying over her home again, but this time he's taken a bit of his work home with him. He stays up late, trying to finish the paperwork he was supposed to do, and was glad that he'd sent Katniss to bed so she didn't have to wait for him to finish. It had definitely taken him longer than he thought he would be, and she probably would've fallen asleep waiting for him on the couch had he not insisted she just go to bed.

When he finishes, he puts pen and work aside and stands up and stretches, pushing back a yawn. Then he navigates the hallways to find her room and blinks when he sees it as untouched as ever. Didn't she sleep in here?

He takes awhile and goes through each of the rooms in her home, baffled to not find her in any of them. When he finally reaches his designated room, he sees her curled up under the blankets and fast asleep. Slightly amused but still more confused, he gets ready for bed before slipping under the covers and hesitantly just lies near her, close but not too close.

"Seneca?" she wakes up slightly, her voice groggy from sleep.

"Sorry but you're in my bed," he lightly teases.

"I sleep here when you don't sleep over," she mutters, shifting and burying her face into the pillow, trying to force herself back into full sleep.

His hand gently, barely even, caresses her head. "Where do you sleep when I am over, then?" he lowers his voice, trying not to disturb her.

"Any of the other rooms. Any room but that room. I hate it."

He knows it's because of Snow and his designs that she refuses the room.

"I'm cold," she's muttering again. "I don't like the cold. When it gets too cold, I feel like I'm in the cave again."

He knows just what cave she's talking about.

After another moment's hesitation, he shuffles closer and puts his arms around her, pulling her close and offering his body heat. She snuggles close to him, burying her face into his chest as her breathing evens out.

She immediately falls back to sleep comfortably settled in his arms, where he joins her in sleep moments later.

_**Gamophobia:** _

Snow sends him a message and Seneca is irritably tearing through the kitchen, trying to take his mind off of things by cooking lobster, clams, and salmon. He's just finished when Katniss returns home and the food is ready, plated, and served on the table.

"What's this? Are we having a seafood dinner or something?" she smiles slyly at him, her eyes twinkling, and he tries to smile back.

He knows he fails when she starts looking worried.

"Let's just eat," he says simply, leading her to the table.

The skies are gray outside and it looks like it's going to be a storm tonight.

Halfway through their meal, she slows down on eating and stares at the arrangement of food.

"Lobster, clams, and whole fish cooked and placed in a circle with their heads touching their tails," she murmurs and her eyes slowly drift up to meet his, breath hitching as he equally swallows heavily.

"Will you marry me, Katniss?" he asks, but his voice is hollow and his eyes are apologetic.

This was not how he wanted to picture their relationship progressing. This had not been how he wanted to propose to her, how he wanted to marry her in these circumstances. He did not want her to say yes because it was what Snow wanted.

"Lobster for luck, clams with both halves presented to represent togetherness, and the fish plated to symbolize eternity," her voice croaks out, slowly become laden with tears. "Are you my jailor, Seneca?" she asks bitterly.

He knows now that she knows and understands Snow's role for him and one he'd unknowingly and reluctantly had played all along. He takes one of her hands in his and clutches onto it tightly, their hands shaking as they lean towards each other and place their foreheads against one another's.

"Yes," she sobs out.

He's not as happy as he thought he would be.

Started 4/11/12 –Completed 4/12/12


	6. Food I

_**Lamb Stew:** _

He remembers the first time he hears her mention lamb stew as her favorite food. She's in a dazzling bejeweled dress that when hit just right, makes her look like she's engulfed in flames. And when she twirls, actually literally is on fire for a few moments and his heart stops momentarily in that time.

He can read in her eyes she's nervous and unsure what to say in her interview and for some reason he watches her intently. She's dazzling, he thinks.

She was captivating at her Reaping, entrancing at the Tribute Parade, and utterly enchanting in her interview.

_She was charming in a way at her private evaluation, but he'd prefer not to remember it as it was embarrassing how caught off guard he was then._

Caesar Flickerman warms her up with her a question and her answer amuses him. _Lamb stew_ , he thinks. It brings a smile to his face and he tucks the fact into the back of his mind, for some reason taking special note of it.

And then the last question of her sister and he can't help but listen closely and feel a sorrow at her words. He has a passing thought that he might like to cook her lamb stew in comfort one of these days…

"Seneca?" Katniss' voice brings him out of his memories.

He glances over at her, stirring the pot sleepily.

"What are you doing?" she yawns, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes as she pads toward him on bare feet.

Captivating, entrancing, enchanting and charming…and now she was adorable and sexy at the same time, dark hair falling passed her shoulders and disheveled, her gray eyes hooded from just waking up, and one of his spare dress shirts was being used as a sleeping gown and barely covering her thighs.

"Cooking," he mutters in embarrassment. "Comfort food. I was thinking you wouldn't want dinner's leftovers, considering what they symbolized…"

She sighs. "Seneca? Shut up. Go back to bed. It's almost two. We'll…deal with that in the morning. _At a reasonable hour_ ," she clarifies at the end.

"But –"

"My eyes are still sore from all the crying. I want to go back to sleep. Just come back to bed," she says irritably, a slight pout forming on her lips.

She tugs at his shirt expectantly and he smiles gently, turning off the stove and covering the pot, and then following her back to bed. Perhaps a little later in the day…

_**Eggs:** _

She wakes up to the smell of something delicious. For a second, she fondly exasperatedly thinks that Seneca has returned to cooking the lamb stew first thing when he woke up, but quickly realizes the smell is much different from her favorite stew.

She's getting up when Seneca enters the room with a serving tray full of food. She raises her eyebrows at it.

"Breakfast in bed?" he offers, holding up the tray. "Scrambled eggs, hard-boiled or soft-boiled eggs, poached eggs, and sunny-side up. And toast for the sunnies."

She blinks and then says wryly, "This marriage thing might not be too bad if I'm getting a personal cook."

But he starts looking at her guiltily and his body sort of tenses and she just feels like pulling her hair out.

"Stop," she says sharply. "Don't look at me like that…I'm over it for now. I really don't feel like thinking or talking about Snow's latest scheme. Let's just enjoy the food, okay?"

He nods jerkily, carefully placing the tray before her and then moving to sit beside her on the bed. She takes a bit of everything, but focuses on the egg sandwich she made out of a sunny-side up and the toast.

"These are good," she mutters, licking her lips. "Why are you cooking so much anyway?"

His hand tentatively reaches out and grabs hers, and she looks up to face him.

"I just wanted to show you I could be a good husband," he says quietly and her breath catches in her throat at his words and the tender and solemn look on his face.

She looks down, but doesn't take her hand away.

"I'm pretty sure you have been husband material since I've met you. Who else would stick by through so much, for so long?" she softly says, feeling thoughtful and thinking back.

There's silence and no movement from either of them and then she feels him lean closer to her, though she keeps her eyes glued to the bed, and feels his breath on her. She tenses and he doesn't move any closer. She waits patiently, her body rigid in anticipation of his next move.

But he merely kisses her cheek, letting it linger, and she mentally sighs in relief and her body relaxes.

Still, it's enough to leave her cheek tingling from that single touch.

_**Spam:** _

It feels strange to be in his penthouse. It seems nowadays that he always slept over at Katniss' home, so much so that his place has become strange to him and practically unrecognizable. He has to re-familiarize himself with the penthouse as he went around tidying things he can't even remember how long they've been left out because he's been gone.

It's dreary outside again. He wonders why the weather in the Capitol has been so bad lately. And yet it kind of matches the mood of the way things have been going, so he thinks it fitting that there's been so much rain lately.

He's just discarded one of his shirts he'd left out one day, when he'd been changing into new clothes in a hurry to get to Katniss', when he's surprised to hear loud knocking on his door. Opening it, he wasn't sure who he was expecting.

In some ways, he should have expected it to be Katniss.

She would be the only one who'd crazily be at his door when it's raining outside and she's soaking wet from head to toe, at nearly midnight, and by the sound of her breathing had ran all the way there.

There was also that he wasn't close enough to anyone else for just anyone to not only feel comfortable going to his home, especially at that hour, but for them to be even permitted to do such a thing.

He could see her throat swallow and she averts her eyes from him to the floor.

"So, um, I was just at home…I didn't really know what to do and I tried to make some spam sushi to busy myself and have as a snack…you, uh, want to share it with me? I know, spam is commoner food and all…but it's survived all these years and still being made! That's gotta say something, right?" she's babbling by the end and the discomfort in her voice is clear.

He bites back the words that wanted to say he was lonely and missed her too. Instead, he gently takes one of her wrists and brings her into the penthouse, and closes the door behind her.

They could go home tomorrow.

So he takes care of her, makes sure she's dry and warm, and then they're having an impromptu picnic on his window sill, precariously sitting next to each other and their legs hanging as they watched the rain and ate the spam sushi she'd made and the occasional grape or strawberry.

"Why does he want us married?" she whispers, asking him all of a sudden.

He glances at her before taking a nibble out of a spam sushi roll.

"I don't know particularly. I do know the things he can stand to gain from it," Seneca starts out thoughtfully. "The wedding will bring more attention here and away from the rebellion and hopefully even distract the rebels and their cause for a moment as well. It can also paint me as a target _for_ the rebellion because it might look to them like I'm forcing you into a marriage and as a big Capitol citizen, I'm probably helping to keep you hostage. It helps keep me on a leash too, and wary of any wrongdoing or foolish decisions, with Snow using it to keep a closer eye. So then I'd have to watch my back against both sides, which also helps Snow because I'll be kept busy and out of trouble.

"When it comes to you, the wedding will help keep up the illusion Snow's been trying to craft that you are happy. The Capitol, and maybe even some of the more easier to convince individuals of the rest of Panem, will be able to see real proof you are happy and maybe dispel the 'rumors' of your captivity. And it'll be the excuse Snow needs to explain why you didn't go back to District 12 –you'd 'fallen in love' with me beforehand and wanted to stay with me, and we've been together all this time and up to the coming wedding. It might hopefully, to him, calm and slow down the rebellion, or at least remove you from being the face of it."

"…What is this about a rebellion and what do you mean exactly about my role in all this?" she quietly asks and Seneca winces.

"I'm sorry," he mutters. "I'd meant to tell you sooner, but with everything going on and…"

Surprisingly, she just shrugs. "No, I actually understand that. At first, you'd been busy keeping me together, then you were settling me in this place, and then you were helping me get my life back on track as much as it could here in the Capitol. And now with Snow, the…dates and flashbacks I keep having…and now this wedding thing…"

"I swear I never meant to keep it from you," he still says sincerely. But he quickly launches into it, explaining how it started when she lay Rue to rest, District 8 rebelling, and then after the games. How first District 12 noticed that Snow had moved up the Victory Tour to straight after the games, how District 12 had been completely skipped, and that all of a sudden she was staying in the Capitol without any explanation to anyone.

District 12 had spread the word through first the district and then spreading out to the others like wildfire.

The rebellion started out with a bang, with riots scattered everywhere. And then the riots just stopped. Of course, no one was deluded into thinking it was over…but it was now obvious that the rebellion was taking cover and being quieter, and therefore harder to catch and harder to put down. But it had spread faster than thought possible and all the districts, disbelievingly, had banded together to be a part of it.

And her? For her rebellious acts in the games and what had inspired everyone, and now with her captivity spurring them on and giving them cause to fight for her freedom and everyone else's –she had become the face of the Rebellion. The Mockingjay.

"It would have been nice to have been sent a memo," is all she says.

He shakes his head in dim amusement.

Still, he did not say that he thought there might be one other reason Snow had chosen to make them marry…the President was very aware of Seneca's feelings and in a mocking way and to feed his twisted amusement, had given this as a gift to Seneca as a 'reward' in helping to cage her and now keeping her complacent.

He was too ashamed to admit that Snow was making a mockery out of him, and rubbing in the fact that Seneca was guilty of being part of the reason for Katniss' captivity.

He's brought out of his dark thoughts when he feels the flat end of the spam sushi roll against his lips, and he looks over at Katniss who's half smirking and half smiling softly at him.

"I don't know exactly what thoughts are going through your head, but _I_ think you're thinking too much for the mood. So are you going to just make me look like an idiot holding this up to your lips, or you gonna eat it?" she asks and he realizes she'd split the last roll and held one half in her other hand with the other half still placed gently against his lips.

His lips tug upwards slightly and he opens his mouth, letting her feed it to him.

_**Feast:** _

They were going to another party, the first for her since the last disastrous one, and she wasn't looking forward to it. In fact, she's more than likely to start running out before even stepping foot in the place, had Seneca hadn't managed to pull some strings and gotten permission for Cinna to personally come over and get her ready for it.

She misses the dark-skinned man so much.

"Have I told you I missed you?" she murmurs, lips straining not to be a full out grin.

Cinna doesn't refrain and grins widely at her.

"About a thousand times."

She laughs and tries not to move too much with the action, knowing Cinna was working carefully on the makeup she was to wear.

"Is it really necessary for me to wear the whole Capitol look tonight?" she sighs, just barely stopping herself from pouting.

Cinna laughs lightly, tapping her head lightly in reprimand.

"Yes. I think you can pull it off."

"Even the wig and the makeup?" this time, she couldn't help the pouting.

Cinna shakes his head, just as he straightens up her shoulders and moves her a little to the right.

"Yes, because it'll show the citizens that you're okay with them and that you might actually accept being here and with them, and that in a way you've become one of them."

She scrunches up her nose at the idea. "Ugh. And why would they care if I'm okay with them?"

He doesn't mention her cluelessness that the Capitol citizens are all actually rather infatuated with her and want her _happy_ and to _like them_. And a big part of it, was because of all the victors, she's practically living there and mingling with them (even with her captivity –though they don't know that) and they feel like they're so much closer to her because of it. Then again, she's always been rather oblivious to her relationships.

His eyes dart over to the man who makes a perfect example of that fact, quietly standing off to the side and watching.

Who would have thought that Seneca Crane could actually get attached?

"And it's a little more retro and less outlandish than usual Capitol fashion," he informs her. "Capitol fashion is based a bit on this fashion, but taken to extreme measures. You could say that the style we're going with tonight is a muted Capitol style in looks because of that. If you remember Marie Antoinette from a long time ago? We'll be going with a _polonaise_ , but make sure the bustle skirt is extremely slim. Your bodice will be close-fitted and off the shoulder…but no sleeves from there."

He hmms and finishes the last touches of makeup.

"The Capitol women's wigs are all beehives and all over the place, in my opinion," Cinna tilts her head for a last examination. "They like them colored as well. We'll go with a classic white, so it's not too over the top, and make sure it's not super poufy, but make sure the wig's ringlets are all loosely curled and piled on your head in a cute and natural fluffed up shape."

And then it was a whirlwind from there, in which Katniss could barely keep up with her stylist's speedy demands and quick-changing hands. By the end of it, she could hardly recognize herself. It wasn't too bad actually…

She was themed in white, and the lack of color helped to throw off the expected Capitol extremeness. The skirt was slightly fluffed up, but slim up enough that it turned out more than less of an arm's length out. She could feel her cheeks blush, which showed up even more because of the stupid white powder on her face, when she saw the obvious cleavage the front of her dress produced –especially with the barely modest neckline.

"You look like a snow white queen!" Cinna exclaims gleefully, enjoying his work.

It looked Capitol in style, but lacked the Capitol's excessive flamboyance.

It suited her well as a compromise.

The only color on her was her gray eyes, which blended well with her white skin, dress, and temporary hair.

"It looks good," Seneca speaks up for the first time since Cinna came over. "It doesn't have the Capitol's preference for bright or lurid colors, or the excessive need for more ruffles and fluff than is necessary. It makes her a commodity and makes her stand out."

Katniss doesn't even blink or look over before throwing her hair brush at him, who ducks easily and a teasing smile touches his lips before quickly disappearing. Cinna watches this bemusedly and yet also curiously, finding the interaction between the two to be surprising and yet intriguing.

He knew that Seneca had been doing his utmost best to help Katniss, but he hadn't expected such easiness and comfortableness between the two. It's strange to realize that the two had become really close.

And seeing the way Seneca's eyes feast on Katniss when she's not looking makes his curiosity twinge badly. He knew about the man's feelings, but him actually openly showing any deep emotion is truthfully a very rare case.

Cinna's delighted to know he's invited to come and that he has more time to spend with Katniss, but it's his curiosity at continuing to see the interaction between these two that makes it even more worth it.

They look beautiful together.

Not just in appearance, but the way they act with each other is mesmerizing and he can't stop watching.

At the party, Katniss quickly becomes the center of the bash and everyone wants to talk to her and be near her. On her arm and by association, that makes Seneca part of the spotlight as well. Cinna purposely puts himself in the background so he can watch more easily, and observe the rest around them.

Katniss is as socially awkward as ever, but Seneca is a surprising and naturally perfect compliment as he charmingly speaks to the others but mostly to her, not only bringing her out of her shell but also bridging the gap between her and the rest.

He's also lovely in the way that when she's socially awkward, he helps by following up on whatever she says or does and makes it look less awkward.

When it's time for the feast to begin, they're all sitting at the dining table and he sees Katniss frowning severely and looking like she didn't want to be there. Seneca only puts a calming hand on her arm and she relaxes, which Cinna notes interestingly.

The feast itself is odd.

There is a lack of an excessive amount of food. The _Crapula_ solution never makes an appearance. There is an appetizer, main course, and then dessert –and that is all. He leaves there as mystified as Katniss looks.

"That was…strange," she mutters.

"Really? I thought it would be obvious because of the last time we went to a party," Seneca smiles slightly.

Her powdered eyebrows fly up. "What? You mean all that was because of that time? How did they even know?"

"Well…we weren't being really quiet, were we? And we were standing just right out the dining room door. And who knew how long Plutarch had been standing there, between the doors and keeping it open?"

Cinna's a little bit lost, but he figures Katniss would fill him in completely later.

"Well damn. I still don't get why though."

"Your opinion means a lot to them."

"…Why?"

"…Now that is rather complicated…"

He agrees with Seneca on that point, because like him, though he is a Capitol citizen, Capitol people are strange and hard to understand. That and he does understand that the reason actually rather is complicated…

Katniss shrugs and keeps moving forward, and Seneca easily matches her pace.

Cinna has the thought that it isn't the food of the feast that has him satisfied and content, but being able to feast his eyes on these two in a similar manner Seneca had watched Katniss earlier.

A stylist searches and appreciates beauty, and seeks inspiration. These two have become the epitome of that for him.

Started 4/15/12 –Completed 4/16/12


	7. Food II

_**Hot Fudge Sundae:** _

She's nearly bouncing on the balls of her feet in anticipation. Her visits to the Capitol are actually much more allowable now, but they were always monitored and never really for leisure or a simple outing for fun. Even when she sneaks out, she tells him that she only goes to the outskirts and visits randomly around and making small talk with Capitol citizens.

The authorized visits are more for the benefit of the people –President Snow had originally never wanted her to leave her home, but the inquiries and strong desire of the people had persuaded him that it would be prudent to perhaps allow her some visits to the Capitol (under watch, of course) to let them see she is happy and content, that she is 'willingly' there and living amongst them, and to keep the people of the Capitol satisfied seeing her. _That_ especially was important to Snow, making sure the people stayed blissful and ignorant, and if they wanted Katniss Everdeen then they can have her. It allowed them to be distracted from the rebellion, to be busy dealing with Katniss and keeping her busy in turn, and Snow had managed to placate them with these visits and glimpses of the Girl on Fire.

Seneca wonders whether Snow knows now that the citizens have now become absolutely infatuated with Katniss; that their interest, attention, and affection for her have now become more than that. And if he did, Seneca wonders if the President was aware of the level it had grown, of how much exactly this attachment now ran deeply between the people and her (not that she knew) –so much so that it was evolving into devotion, a dangerous sort of devotion, where they were willing and capable of doing anything in her name. Their care of her borne from the games had now become attachment, and it keeps escalating.

It would be hard to believe that Snow would allow such level of devotion to exist, where the citizens where absolutely besotted, in a way similar to where crushes became full blown love (and that was actually literal in some cases). The relationship between the people and Katniss was like loving her and now being _in_ love with her.

Seneca was just glad for the visits being allowed in the first place, regardless of Snow and the people, simply because it allowed Katniss not to go stir crazy in her home.

He had been assigned as the one to go with her when she made these visits to the Capitol, but this time would be one of the times where they were just sneaking out to the Capitol. Seneca hadn't bothered to get permission, so this made the visit 'unofficial' and unauthorized, but he figures a little rebellion right now would be warranted.

And right now, she was excited because he'd promised to take her out to some ice cream. Her authorized visits had been limited to certain areas, and were meant more for her to be seen, as what Snow had wanted. Her sneaking out didn't allow her to visit long and she didn't know anywhere well enough to go to, or where anything was.

He can't help smiling at her enthusiasm and glad to be part of the reason.

She immediately orders a hot fudge sundae eagerly, and impatiently waits for him to order.

"I don't know what to get," he murmurs, playing down his smile.

She grabs his arm and tugs once harshly. He thinks in his mind, though, that this was a delicacy she probably had rarely had, maybe not even ever.

"Just share with me. I saw one those things and it's a big sucker."

He laughs lightly, ignoring some of the startled looks around him at the action (he understands he doesn't show emotion and do such things in public so freely, but they could do without the staring –especially when he's with Katniss). He agrees to the suggestion and they await the sundae at a table.

She still hasn't let go of his arm and he's happy about it, especially as it forces them to sit close to each other. When the sundae comes, her eyes light up and she takes her spoon and gets ready to start eating. He waits for her, but she frowns and taps his hand. He raises an eyebrow at her and she jerks her chin over at the sundae before staring at him pointedly. His lips tug upwards slightly and he grabs his spoon.

They clink spoons and dig in together.

"Wow! You two can talk without speaking!" the voice of a little girl exclaims and the two blink before turning to the source.

She was a small little thing, likely around 7 or 8 years of age, with bubblegum pink hair (which the two would usually cringe at but actually looked cute on the little girl) and red eyes.

"Dei-Dei thinks you two are cute together~" she smiles widely, holding onto a weird-looking stuffed animal. "You two are together, aren't you?"

Seneca is aghast but not showing it, taken aback by this cute but _bold_ little girl and glancing worriedly at Katniss. Katniss, however, is gaping openly at the girl. Then her face transforms and he's staring in awe at the soft, tender look on her face as she looks at the girl and gives her all the attention.

"No, sweetie. We aren't, but we're very good friends. Are you here alone? Dei-Dei's you, right?"

Why was he so surprised? He knew that she'd practically raised Primrose Everdeen herself since their father had died, and that she just seemed to love and instinctively care for young children, as was seen with little Rue.

"Uh huh. Dei-Dei is Dei-Dei, but you can call me Deko," her smile grows. "Dei-Dei thinks you two should be more than friends then."

Katniss laughs softly, reaching over to pat her head.

"Okay, Deko," and his heart skips by the implication that she might be okay being 'more than friends' with him, even if he's sure she doesn't really mean it seriously.

"Dei-Dei misses him too," the little girl whispers. "Dei-Dei misses him a lot."

The two freeze, and they know without hearing the name who she meant. He looks apprehensively at Katniss, who has frozen in her seat as she stares at the little girl in front of them.

"So do I," Katniss chokes out and she pats the girl's head again.

"Dei-Dei is really sorry," and there are actually genuine tears gathering at the corner of her red eyes and Katniss looks amazed.

"Kaedeko!" a woman calls out and they see someone who was probably Kaedeko's mother hurry over to them and take the girl closer. She has the pink hair, which they do inwardly cringe at (they must be trying to be a matching set), but green eyes. "I'm so sorry! Please forgive her. I hope she wasn't bothering you two."

She then realizes who it is exactly she's talking to, who her daughter had been bothering.

"I-I…I'm so sorry," is all the woman can say. She looks like she's about to cry, worried she and her child had offended the _Head Gamemaker_ and the _Katniss Everdeen_. But she also looks like she's in awe and can't believe she's in their presence.

Seneca smiles gently at her, hoping to calm the woman, but it's surprisingly Katniss who comes to the rescue with a soft smile and a nonchalant wave of her hand.

"No, Deko was just lovely. I loved her. It would be nice to see her again, maybe share one of these awesome sundaes, huh?" she turns to Kaedeko and winks.

The little girl beams happily at her and the woman looks starstruck.

"Y-yes, that would be lovely," she murmurs, and the two make a quick exit.

Katniss is left looking after them speculatively, her spoon idly twirling in the slightly melted hot fudge, before taking a scoop and eating it.

"She was so sincere," she murmurs, still staring in that direction. "She doesn't know either me or…him…but both her and her mother looked so sincere."

Seneca understands the problem and struggles to find a way to explain to her. He takes her hand in the arms that are wrapped around each other still.

"Katniss, I know you think that we're all shallow," and he purposely puts himself with the other Capitol citizens (and he knows that lately he's been trying to separate himself from them, but he knows the truth that he'll always be part of them in some way). "Maybe we don't know you or Peeta. The truth is, no matter how much we didn't know who the two of you were in life, through the games _you made us feel_. We may have been just observers, but do you honestly think that what we felt when we watched the two of you was faked?"

A light of understanding grows in her eyes, even though he knows she still doesn't understand fully.

"You reached out to us through the screens and made us attached to you," he murmurs, squeezing her hand. "Yes, we do not know you or him, maybe not during the games and maybe not until now…but that doesn't stop us from truly feeling what we did for the two of you when we watched you in the games. What we felt was _real_. We shared your pain and your loss and everything else in between, before and after –and even now. I know it's not the same as actually going through what you did…but you made us care about you, made us hurt when you were hurt, made us cry with you, and want to do more than just watch."

And he's so glad to see that she finally understands just how important she'd been through the games; that watching her really has made an impact.

She was able to touch the people in a way that made it impossible to not feel with her.

"Me being here doesn't really help, does it?" she questions, finding something else that connected with what they were saying.

"No, it doesn't. You here is a constant reminder of the games and a loss that they shouldn't be feeling, at least not so long after the games have been done. Seeing you reminds them, when they're not careful with their thoughts, that there is a price to pay for the games they watch and they feel a little more human and a little more solemn."

Because in a way, they'd lost Peeta too and in a way they had been losing Katniss until she dug in her heels and refused to let herself drown in her misery. And that would've been the worst of it because she'd quickly become their favorite victor…

She stirs her spoon in the melted mess that's become of their sundae, making patterns out of the melted hot fudge in the now liquid ice cream.

"They didn't know him…most of them had never even met him," she says quietly. "But they really did end up caring about him and they lost him too."

She can't help the sparse droplets that escape out of her reluctant eyes, because thinking about Peeta still hurts sometimes. She just tightens her hold around his arm a little tighter and buries her face into his shoulder, while he takes over stirring the spoon in the melted sundae quietly.

_**Chocolate Chip Cookies:** _

She still thinks back to that conversation. She also thinks that the people didn't know Peeta and hadn't met him…but they had a chance to know her and meet her. And maybe some of them were eagerly jumping at that chance now that they had it, because she was there and living amongst them…but she also had the chance to physically reach out to them.

She hadn't realized how powerfully the medium of the screens had been for her that she had been able to reach out to them so strongly.

Doing so much on screen had been for sponsors…but in hindsight had earned her much more, had earned her the people's devotion. Through the screens, in her actions and through their willing watching, she had managed to communicate to the Capitol citizens, even though she didn't speak to them or were even face to face to them.

But now that she was actually with them, now that she knew more now on how they felt…

The ding of the oven alerts her to the cookies she'd been baking were done and she hurries to them, hoping they weren't burnt and had turned out okay. Seeing success, she immediately takes the pan out and lets the cookies cool for awhile before she would put them onto a plate or something.

"Mm, something smells good. Though I smell a little burnt stuff too," Seneca says upon entering the kitchen.

"Cookies," she says wryly. "How was work?"

And she's only just the slightest amused at how domestic the whole scene was. Only just the slightest. Really.

"Boring," he tells her with an exasperated sigh. "The Quarter Quell is next year, but we're taking a head start on planning the arena and what to put in already."

She nods uncomfortably, because she's still a little uncomfortable about his work and he knows it, so she doesn't ask anymore and he doesn't talk about more either.

"Chocolate chip cookies," he murmurs, spotting her culinary work and experimentally picking up a piece. He blows on it to cool it down. "My favorite. How'd you know?'

Though it's amusing to note he's a little embarrassed at the admission, she doesn't tease or judge. Chocolate chip cookies were damn good, after all.

"I asked," she says, not elaborating. She wasn't going to spill any secrets, letting him pout and think hard about it for awhile. It would keep her entertained.

"These are good," he compliments with a grin easily stretching across his mouth in pleasure. "Is this your first time cooking these?"

"Yes," she says without batting an eye.

"Wow, that's actually rather brilliant. You managed to cook them so perfectly on your first try," he sounds impressed, so she's very pleased at the development. "What's the occasion though?"

Her pleased smile slowly dies down and she sort of gazes off. Then she gives him a sad smile and picks up another cookie, only slightly still hot now, and hands it to him.

"They're for you," she says quietly. "Because…thank you. Thank you for everything you've done and still do for me."

He looks at her in surprise and before he could start to protest and say it's nothing, she takes another cookie and breaks it in half, handing one half to him and keeping the other for herself. The symbolism isn't lost on him.

"I can't do much to show you my appreciation because I'm limited in the things I can do. Cooking you your favorite cookies is the least I can do, right?" she shrugs nonchalantly, refusing to look at him at that point.

"Besides, you helped me realized something. I know what I have to do now," she says vaguely, confusing him, but she doesn't elaborate. "So you just go ahead and enjoy your cookies, okay? I'll be back."

She gives him a small smirk before moving passed him and heading to the door leading to the back. Quickly, she spots the bag full of burnt and even completely blackened chocolate chip cookies that had been her earlier tries, and moves it further to hide in the bushes with her foot. She nods meaningfully at one of her peacekeepers, who gives an understanding nod back. She goes back into the house to Seneca, and a few moments later the peacekeeper casually walks by the bush and subtly picks up the plastic bag, carrying it with him as he finds the garbage can.

_**Rice:** _

"Dinner is a little bit odd tonight, isn't it."

Katniss shrugs, but Seneca can't help but stare. There was just a lot of…rice.

"White rice first," she hums and he inwardly shrugs, like she had physically done so a second ago, and starts to eat dinner.

The second course is…rice too, only with banana ketchup mixed into it. He merely blinks and keeps eating it, noting the sweeter taste. And then the third and last course is more rice, though it's tinted orange and has all sorts of herbs and (he thinks) spices on it.

"I was experimenting and I thought I could make rice a little more interesting. Try it, it's got a kick to it," she eagerly pushes the plate towards him.

He does and a lot of different flavors burst into his mouth, and he does actually enjoy it. It is a bit spicy though, so he agrees with her that it has a kick.

"I was just thinking there was a lot of ways to eat rice and I wanted to show the different ways to enjoy it. Plus, it's cheap," she grins at that and he shakes his head in amusement.

"That's a lot of rice for one sitting though," he comments before he takes another bite.

"Yeah, but I was just making sure this marriage thing gets as much prosperity as it can get, and that you're really fertile. And I'm fertile."

He chokes on the rice, made worse when the spices from it catch and agitate his throat.

Katniss panics and hurries to his side, pounding lightly on his back as she grabs at his glass of water and helps him to drink it.

"Ugh! I told Finnick this would be a bad joke!"

Seneca's pretty sure the next time Finnick comes over that he was making sure breakfast, lunch, _and_ dinner was all going to be rice and served to the git.

_**Dried Plums:** _

She loves dried plums. Served with lamb stew, together it was her favorite dish. She could eat lamb stew with or without them, and she could also eat dried plums in the same manner.

The pile before her was like a bowl full of nightlock, as far as she was concerned.

"What's wrong? I believe dried plums were one of your favorite snacks from the Capitol?" Snow smiles at her and she tenses even more.

The smell of him was overpowering and she has to fight off the urge to throw up on his carpet.

"Please. Enjoy them," his smile turns a little chilly and there's an edge to his tone.

Her hand shakily reaches out and grabs one and she puts it to her mouth as if it was poison and she was being forced to commit suicide. She continues in this vein as Snow walks over to his table and brings a medium-sized box over to her.

"Congratulations on your engagement," he says in a voice like oil. "I'm very pleased for it and express my blessings wholeheartedly. I simply can't wait for it. In fact…I've even had your stylist commissioned a beautiful piece for you to wear for the wedding. Do you like it?"

He opens up the wooden box to reveal a simple but beautiful circlet, with the side wires crossing in intricate arches to meet in the middle with a stylized heart, a pearl prettily hanging in the middle of it. She takes another dried plum and forces herself to eat it.

"It's lovely," she says faintly. "Cinna's outdone himself, as usual."

She feels like she's being tethered by it, but she focuses on the fact that it's _Cinna's_ work and it's beautiful and simple and it'll be for her wedding.

She doesn't want to accept anything from Snow though. Her hand reluctantly reaches out for another dried plum.

He gently takes out the circlet and holds it up, examining it in the light.

"Yes…yes. Very beautiful. Would you be willing to wear it for the wedding?"

"Of course," she says demurely.

He smiles coldly.

"My dear, let us not lie to each other. I won't lie to you, and you will not lie to me."

Her hands clenches tightly by her sides and she's shaking more as she reaches out for yet another dried plum, unable to stop tears from falling from her face as she eats it.

"I don't want it. I don't want to accept anything from you," she barely restrains the full force of the rebellious tone in her voice.

He places it on her head anyway and he grips her head almost like in an iron grip, forcing it to turn and face the mirror at the vanity set near them. She's staring at herself, tears marring her face and the beautiful circlet on her head gleaming.

She wants it, but not like this and not from him.

He stands behind her indifferently, hands heavy on her shoulders. She quietly reaches for another dried plum and doesn't think she even tastes them anymore.

"I would like to have you at least pretend to be in love with dear Seneca," he surprisingly requests. "He's quite enamored with you, you know. It would be more prudent for the people to see the two of you convincingly leading a happy and loving life together. And the poor man deserves at least a little affection for his efforts, yes?"

She hadn't actually realized the extent of Seneca's feelings for her, though she had known he'd held some for her ever since she'd seen that look in his eyes towards her. But she was much more relieved to realize that Snow hadn't realized that she herself actually returned those feelings, so much so that she grabs a dried plum a little more willingly.

"I have one more little gift, if you will, for you," he murmurs, reaching beside him for a slightly bigger box. He opens it up for an elaborate and much more extravagant crown than the circlet that was meant for her wedding.

The oriental floral design was made exaggerated by the many diamonds that lined it, with tiny little rubies in the center of each flower.

"This will be for your coronation."

Her eyes widened. "C-coronation?"

"I think it's pretentious to keep pretending this world is a government-ruled body, or that the Capitol citizens actually have much say in things. You have shown me that. So now it is time to turn this into a monarchy. I think it should be perfect for me to be called King now. Or perhaps Emperor. This _is_ my empire after all."

The plum in her hand she'd willingly grabbed is squeezed and crumbles.

"And you'll of course be part of it –without you it would never have happened after all," he purposefully adds ironically. "And it would be best to look close, you and I. The people care for you and it's important to at least keep them _somewhat_ content, even if they have even less of a say now than before. That and well, you wouldn't look as welcoming to the rebellion, now would you? Especially if it looks as if you've been brainwashed and part of us –and practically _family to me_."

Katniss feels as if the crown is weighing down on her head, even though she's not wearing it and the wedding circlet has been removed from her head. She feels more like she's suffocating.

She wonders if there's water anywhere near, to drown herself and that be the end of the Girl on Fire.

"Enjoy the rest of the dried plums. I'll see you soon," he chuckles and then leaves her alone.

She waits until his footsteps have faded before she runs out of the room.

She's pretty sure she wouldn't be eating dried plums anytime soon.

Started 4/19/12 –Completed 4/20/12


	8. Romans with a Side of Drinks

_**Wine:** _

"I'll be right back," Katniss calls, lugging a box to a room.

" _I'm bringing sexy back_  
_Them other boys don't know how to act_  
 _I think it's special, what's behind your back?_  
 _So turn around and I'll pick up the slack (Take it to the bridge)_

_"Dirty babe, you see these shackles_   
_Baby I'm your slave_   
_I'll let you whip me if I misbehave_   
_It's just that no one makes me feel this way~"_

Seneca glances blankly at the cell phone innocently sitting on the kitchen counter, playing the provocative song.

"Can you answer that? Stupid Finnick, probably got his hands on my phone again and chose that stupid song…" he's pretty sure he hears her mutter from the other room.

Seneca tentatively reaches out and takes the phone, answering it. And then he was subjected to five minutes of Finnick relating a play-by-play of a date he'd just ended (with details he's pretty sure he didn't want to know) and orders him to relate the whole thing word for word to Katniss. Perhaps he shouldn't have said that Katniss was too busy to get on the phone…

When it's all done and over with, Seneca decides he really, really needs a drink.

Fumbling around Katniss' kitchen, he grabs a wine glass and goes to the fridge where a wine bottle is waiting and ready (set aside especially for him). He doesn't waste any time pouring a drink.

"Hey, you okay?" he turns to see Katniss looking at him in amusement with raised eyebrows.

"Peachy," he replies sarcastically.

She smirks and slides into a seat next to him. "Can I have a taste?" she gestures to his glass.

He hesitates, remembering the last time she had wine…

_The day is finally over and he's completely exhausted. He's just turning up to Katniss' walkway, when he catches a glimpse of some of the peacekeepers' faces. Some of them are fighting off grins while others are full out chuckling. Then he looks over at the house and sees bright neon lights flashing out of the windows._

_He nearly gapes, but catches himself in time and hurries to the door. When he enters, he's not expecting what he sees next._

_A strobe light ball is in the middle of the living room, causing all the lights flashing everywhere. Finnick is dancing crazily with him shaking his entire body like he was having a seizure, dressed in only his boxers. Katniss, on the other hand, is dancing eerily the same, except less rowdily and was shaking her arse more to the beat of the song and…dressed in one of Seneca's shirts? He wasn't even going to dwell on the beard drawn on Finnick's face and supposed to be like his…_

" _When I walk on by, girls be looking like damn he fly_  
I pay to the beat, walking on the street with in my new lafreak, yeah  
This is how I roll, animal print, pants out of control –"

_He sees two bottles of wine, one empty and the other almost to the bottom as well, set aside._

_When he suggested that Finnick come over for Katniss to actually be able to tell someone she was engaged, because they weren't really supposed to let anyone know just yet (but Finnick wasn't known to be close so this would have been perfect), this was not what he had in mind._

" _Seneca! You're home!" Katniss giggles and waves hectically at him. "We're celebrating the engagement!"_

_Finnick slings an arm around her shoulders and gives him a thumbs up._

" _Congratulations, Seneca. Do I get to be best man?"_

" _I'm sexy and I know it, I'm sexy and I know it_  
Check it out, Check it out  
Wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle, Yeah!"

_Dear Lord…the song was on **repeat**._

He's still hesitating and she instinctively starts pouting, just knowing what he was remembering.

"It was just that one time. And I just want one sip," she huffs, twitching.

Even as he slowly hands over his glass to her, he has one thought running through his head.

Sometimes he regrets introducing Finnick to Katniss.

_**Cinderella:** _

"What are you doing?" she asks, watching in interest as Seneca takes out three types of juices and a mixer.

"Making you a drink," he replies simply.

Her eyebrows fly up. "I thought you declared that I was a lightweight and that I was especially unfit for wine?"

He smiles at her. "Exactly. That, plus you _are_ underaged to be drinking. I thought, instead of wine, I could make you a non-alcoholic drink. It's called a Cinderella. You take three ounces of lemon juice, orange juice, and pineapple juice, mix and then serve with ice."

She can't stop the blush from coming, so she turns her head away and tries to shrug nonchalantly.

Still…

She glances at him from under her eyelashes, watching him carefully pour the juices into the mixer, his concentration fully on the task of making her drink. She bites her lips, starting to smile as she watched.

"You know, in a very twisted way, this whole thing is like a fairytale. A bad fairytale, but still a fairytale. Getting the whole royal treatment and all, like Cinderella? I guess the drink is kind of fitting," she says, keeping her voice neutral.

She sees him pause and only barely manages to see him slightly tense. Then he turns to her and holds out her finished drink, smiling softly.

"Well then, here's my princess' drink."

She takes the highball glass filled with her drink and holds it in both of her hands, staring down at it.

"…Hey…sometimes, you really make me happy midnight's never come."

When she focuses on and tastes her drink, she misses the astonished gaze he sends her way at her words before the gaze gives way to a happy look.

_**Water:** _

She twirls her legs in the water, watching the circles she makes in subdued interest. Hermes, her sweet jabberjay, is twittering around her right hand, as she used the other to tug her rolled up pants further up her thighs.

"Hey there. Why are you dipping your legs in your lap pool?" she hears Seneca from behind her.

She glances up at him and was about to make a smart remark, when she forgets the glass of water she'd placed beside her and almost spills it. Her hand snaps out to steady it, but so does Seneca's and amusingly little Hermes. Afterwards, she moves the glass and Seneca shifts and sits beside her, though he keeps his legs away from the water.

"I was just thinking," she murmurs. "I'm supposed to be this Girl on Fire figure and Snow wants to put out the flames so badly…that maybe I should just embrace 'water.' Besides, I remember my father used to tell me a glass of water revives the senses and the soul. It keeps your body clean and refreshes it. Water is the source of life."

She idly takes a sip of her water before putting it back down, gazing back at the waters and doing a little kick with her feet.

"You know what you remind me of? You're kind of like water to me," she says sincerely.

She was having an honest moment here, and she'd be damned if she messed it up now.

She pushes him into the water and he sputters up to the surface after a moment, but before he could say anything, she jumps in after him and pulls him back under the surface. Before she could change her mind, she pushes herself against him and places her lips against his. He's stiff in shock before he's pushing back against her, and his hands are tangling in her hair and she doesn't know what to do so she lets him lead. His lips are moving roughly against hers, like at any moment he was afraid she'd break off suddenly and he just wants to take as much as he can get right now before it all ends.

He feels like a desperate man, dying of thirst, and his kiss tells her everything and nothing –he's been waiting for this forever, she's not sure what it means to him, he loves her, she can't tell what's going on in his head (if anything at all) while he's kissing her…

They're running out of air and she's starting to feel lightheaded, but they're clutching tightly to each other and they're not letting go. The water is heavy and pushing down on them, but they're still suspended in the midst of it, and their bodies are molding into each other's like puzzle pieces (where does he begin, where does she end?).

Then they're pulling back and then hurriedly drifting back to the surface, gasping out and breathing heavily for air once their torsos are above the water. They're looking at each other and she sees a light in his eyes, along with hope, and an amazed look on his face as he gazes at her.

She doesn't regret her decision to take a step forward.

_**Caesar:** _

"Seneca…why don't you just bring all your stuff here?"

He looks at her in surprise, trying to understand what she meant.

She looks at him pointedly. "You practically live here, especially after the spam thing. We've been comfortable sharing a room since that first time, and have shared one consistently since you proposed. Half of my drawers have your stuff in it. You have an extra toothbrush here. Take the spare key and keep it as your own; just move in and make it official."

She tosses the spare key to her home at him and he catches it easily.

Seneca fights off a smile, but doesn't succeed. "It would make sense for me to just move in –we are getting married anyways and it's not like I'm not here all the time or share a room with you. Plus, your house is larger than my penthouse, so it would be logical to make this place our living space after the marriage."

"Great. Now hand me that knife and hold this thing steady. I swear, I never did like cooking turkey. And at least I don't have to skin this thing like I did back home!"

Seneca laughs lightly at her and she shares a smile.

A little later, he contemplates that Katniss is better and feeling a little more comfortable here at the Capitol. But she still doesn't know many people closely, ones she can talk to as freely. She talks closely with him and slowly has become easily attached to Finnick. She has an odd relationship with her peacekeepers that enables her to communicate with them without speaking, and he's rather proud he can also do the same thing with her. But outside of them, she's rather isolated –as Snow had intended.

At least they've managed to expand her circle of friends more than Snow would ever have thought they could.

He decides to take Finnick's advice and calls up Brutus.

The man sounds sedate on the phone, agreeably conceding to coming over for a visit. He doesn't sound like the down man he'd gotten the impression from Finnick.

His eyebrows practically disappear into his hairline when Brutus is calling him the next day, asking when is it a good time for him to come over. Apparently, as he gathers the facts, the victor had gotten on the bullet train as soon as he'd gotten off the phone with Seneca, and had reached the Capitol by nightfall. He guesses Brutus is truthfully actually eager for the meeting, much more than he'd let on from the call…

He's set the time for dinner and tells Katniss of the news, utterly befuddled at the fact the man had come so quickly and keenly for the meeting, and he could swear there had been a hint of impatience in the man's voice.

Katniss is cooking the spicy rice for the occasion, winking at him with a smirk.

"He seems the type to appreciate a little heat."

Seneca can't help shaking his head in amusement.

Brutus comes ten minutes before the time. Seneca amusedly notes the man has groomed himself, his salt and pepper hair combed neatly and he's wearing a suit and tie. He shakes Seneca's hand and kisses Katniss', and then they're sitting down for dinner. As Katniss predicted, Brutus actually does enjoy the spicy rice with a subdued gusto.

When Brutus makes a comment about wondering what the Quarter Quell will be about, he sees a brief smirk flitter across her lips before disappearing.

"Et tu, Brutus?" she deadpans.

Brutus stares at her in disbelief before he breaks out in boisterous laughter and slaps his thigh in delight.

"That's just brilliant! I love her!" Brutus turns to Seneca at that.

Seneca also finds the hilarity in it, but a part of him wonders whether she realizes she's become a sort of Caesar –not Flickerman, but the Roman dictator –who had been much admired and loved by the people, and who was so charismatic they would have made him king. A leader in wars and a brilliant politician, someone who had been very clever in propaganda…all of which was slowly becoming applied to Katniss…

"Honestly, I think I'm more of a Brutus –not really the type to lead, but to help propel a nation. It's kind of my role right now anyways, being on the sideline," she hints at her role as the Mockingjay, but it flies over Brutus' head.

"If you're 'Brutus', who's your Caesar then?" Brutus goes along with it, grinning.

"Before the assassination, Brutus was very close to Caesar. Therefore my Caesar is close to me. I'm pretty sure Seneca's my Caesar then," she says matter of fact.

Seneca's been ignored and shoved out of the conversation by now, but he's still flabbergasted.

_**Brutus:** _

Brutus is…kind of odd. He's usually a quiet (though firm) and serious man, and especially around others. However, he also has a boisterous side to him, which is common enough, but he isn't too comfortable showing that side often. It doesn't stop him from showing it; just that he's less than comfortable showing that side.

It's kind of…bipolar.

"And I took my sword and shoved it into his gut –just a twist later and his intestines look close to falling out –"

He's also kind of violent (well, mostly in that he loves violence, because he's rather calm and a gentleman in words and manners otherwise). Right now, he's recalling a kill from the Hunger Games he participated in, and she doesn't stop the cringe or hide the disgust. It _was_ a rather graphic image...

Brutus beams at her, though she's not quite sure why.

"You know, it's kind of refreshing that when I end up speaking like that and recall my games that you don't apologize for your reaction or attempt to hide it. I used to get lost in memories and can't help getting into my retelling that I get really graphic back in my district, and the audience usually ends up revolted or something –but they always try to cover it up or apologize if I call them on it. I think I prefer you being unashamedly honest and that you don't hide your feelings on the matter, even as you still keep respectfully listening to me."

She shrugs and smiles at him. "Anytime, Brutus. But that's still sickening."

She laughs because she can't help it and Brutus is rubbing the back of his head in embarrassment.

"You know, I kind of wasn't sure what to think of you or if I'd like you when I first decided to come over," he muses out loud. "But then you said that one line and I decided I love you and you were just brilliant because of that. You're definitely my type of person."

She also notes that Brutus, like Seneca had told her Finnick had said, really is kind of lonely, though he doesn't show it obviously.

She knows this because ever since their dinner meeting three days ago, Brutus has shown up at her home every morning and stayed late into the night, before he's visually disappointed and reluctantly leaving by the end of the day.

He likes to pick at Seneca about details of the games, though they're sure to make sure they're out of her range (she's grateful for that). He also likes to help her out with cooking sometime, even though he's a disaster in the kitchen. She _has_ at least managed to teach him to cook ramen and boil eggs, and has managed to get him somewhat competent in the kitchen when supervised. Supervised _closely_.

He's in his 40's and doesn't know how to cook. She wonders how he's managed so far in his life. He tells her takeout and begging off of neighbors and family helps.

"I miss the games," he mutters suddenly. She looks at him in surprise. "I miss the adrenaline. Kind of like…I'm hooked on it. Do you understand?" his voice is a tinge desperate. "Fighting was – _is_ –all I know. I don't know what to do without it and how to live in society when I'm addicted to the rush of the fight and the thrill of being in a life or death situation. I recall my games so much because I want to _feel it all again_."

She also knows now that all victors are broken, and she now knows there are those who fight away from memories and echoes of the games and those who cling and have become so addicted to the rush of the fight that they can't forget it and wish they could be there again.

They feel safe and comfortable in that environment because it's what they know and it's where they feel they can belong and be understood. Society is too different to them and they don't know how to relate.

"I'm completely the opposite," she answers sincerely, patting his hand. "Sometimes, I even feel like a paranoid freak."

They laugh lightly in bitterness together.

She knows, too, that she's completely glad that she had Seneca to pull her away from the dark pit of despair she was sure to have fallen into had he not been there for her through it all.

The next day, Seneca is tossing a key at Brutus, who looks at him in confusion.

"You're staying at a hotel, right? You don't look like you're leaving the Capitol anytime soon, nor look like you're going to stop visiting us so frequently," Seneca starts out, voice sarcastic. "You might as well stay at my penthouse. I live here anyways, so it's not being used. It'll save you money too."

Brutus looks blankly at the key before giving them a small, genuine smile.

"This actually means a lot…I love my district and everything…but it doesn't feel like home anymore," he admits to them, and they understand.

But they still don't understand just how much this gesture really means to the man, who honestly is very lonely and is grateful that they're putting up with him and letting him infringe so much.

That doesn't stop Brutus from continuing his routine of visiting frequently, if only slightly less than before, to their home –so much so that Seneca comments it's like the man lives there with them, even when he now has a home in the Capitol to stay in.

_**Marc Antony:** _

When Finnick suggests a victor get together so that Katniss can meet the others and have more people to talk to, and get over that slight fear of people she still sort of has, Seneca is a bit hesitant. He knows the other victors are all rather damaged and he doesn't know how they will act towards Katniss. He'd thought Brutus would be a rougher and more gruff person, someone he'd been hesitant to let near Katniss because he'd been afraid of the man's tendencies towards violence and brusque personality would put her off or scare her even. He'd been wrong on that count, but that didn't mean he would be every time.

He also doesn't want to overwhelm her, so he tells Finnick to try slowly introducing the others first, before they decide on a huge get together.

He regrets it now, when he realizes that Finnick had chosen the Astley siblings. Cashmere is as gorgeous as ever, smiling coolly, while her brother is just as handsome and smiles with all the charm in the world.

Cashmere looks over at him and her smile widens just the slightest.

Seneca is pretty sure he feels doomed. He feels worse and even jealous when Gloss immediately flirts with Katniss, and unlike Finnick's playful flirting, Gloss goes about it very smoothly and charmingly –serious in his intentions to sweep Katniss off her feet.

He has the urge to toss Gloss back into the arena and do his job as Head Gamemaker very seriously.

He's so intent and focused on watching the two he doesn't notice Cashmere sidling up to him until she's seductively curling around his arm.

"Please let go," he says shortly.

She laughs lightly and surprisingly does so, but her jade eyes are watching him closely. She pushes her blonde hair behind her and turns to where he's still watching.

"She _is_ pretty," she comments. "Better, she's got this whole fiery personality. The 'Girl on Fire' title totally fits. I like her."

He doesn't answer, still watching, but his eyes have narrowed as Gloss says something he can't hear from where he's standing, but whatever it is causes Katniss to burst out laughing.

"I actually get why you actually gave in and went to the system and slept with me, in order to get your mind off of her."

His eyes finally leave Gloss and Katniss, to snap towards her in alarm. But she's smiling sadly and shaking her head.

"Please don't tell her," his voice becomes thick and he feels panic closing in on him. This wasn't something he wanted Katniss to know. He doesn't want her to know he'd used _that_ system, and he doesn't want her to know it was over her. He's ashamed to admit to that truth and worried about her reaction.

Cashmere looks at him quietly. "I won't," she surprisingly agrees. "But you know it's best to tell her before she finds out on her own."

"I know," he murmurs. "And I will. I just…would like to tell her on my own terms and tell her myself. So please don't tell about it."

She agrees without problem, and he lets out the sigh of relief he'd been holding.

"I'm sorry," he apologizes though. "I'm sorry that I ended up using you, that I wasn't strong enough to resist thoughts of her then or that I wasn't self-disciplined enough to control my urges or my desires."

She laughs lightly again, though this time with genuine (though sad) amusement.

"Sweetie, at least you're apologizing. And you were a lot kinder and gentler than most of the others. Don't worry about it. And besides, like I said, I understand the draw," she gestures her chin towards Katniss. "It's understandable and I won't pretend to know what it's like to be in love."

He turns absolutely red at the accusation, but he doesn't deny it. He's pretty sure it's beyond obvious by now, to practically everyone who's seen him with her.

"I won't begrudge you one night of weakness, when you probably didn't know if she was going to live or die in the games and probably thought you'd never be able to have her. That and the fact back then, you really weren't allowed to be with her," she shrugs.

He can't help turning his eyes back to the two in front of them, jealousy creeping up on him again.

She laughs once more. "You look like you're about to murder my brother."

"He's starting to get touchy feely now."

"You stand here. _I'll_ go get back my brother and stop him from committing suicide by flirting. Just keep brooding here, huh? I'll go make sure to keep the idiot away or at least hands off and to cool the flirting."

As she leaves, he recalls the moniker the Capitol citizens have given to Gloss Astley, that of being the 'Marc Antony of the Capitol' for being such a passionate, amorous lover (second only to Finnick, who needs no other moniker other than simply his name).

Therefore, if Katniss is being considered the Cleopatra in the situation, as her Caesar he deserves to claim that he had her first.

_**Cicero:** _

Honestly, Caesar Flickerman was more of a 'Cicero' than a 'Caesar.' The man was gifted with words and knew how to work the crowd like the original silver-tongued Marcus Tullius Cicero of the Roman era.

In fact, the man was such a smooth talker that he'd managed to persuade Seneca into letting him visit Katniss without him even realizing it until the man was in Katniss' living room and talking gaily with her.

He doesn't much regret it though, because Katniss is smiling and happy to have yet another visitor, and quite enjoying Caesar regaling her with different tales.

Seneca hadn't been sure of this visit, if only because Caesar was such a known and high-profile persona. No one was supposed to visit Katniss and he'd only managed to sneak in Finnick and Brutus because they're not that closely watched, or as highly maintained in the public eye (strangely though that was) as Caesar was. But things seemed well and Caesar was succeeding in entertaining Katniss.

When Caesar has to leave, Seneca walks him out and down the pathway. In the middle of it, Caesar stops suddenly and turns to him with a soft gaze on his face.

"I have been hoping to check in on her for awhile now, but as I understand –she's not allowed visitors. Thank you for the opportunity and for managing to sneak in this visit. And…do your best to keep her happy and keep her fire going, my dear Seneca."

Caesar nods solemnly at him before leaving him behind.

Eloquent as ever, that man.

_**Coriolanus:** _

"You're nothing like your namesake, you know."

Snow smiles at her in dark amusement. "Oh?"

"Coriolanus was supposedly a great general, leading his army into battle and all. You're such a coward and I bet you've never led anyone anywhere personally. Probably hide behind your desk the entire time."

"Such brutal honesty."

"We did promise not to lie to each other."

"That we did. Otherwise, I would have your tongue removed and make you an Avox, my dear girl."

Katniss stares at him blankly, refusing to back down or show weakness. He continues to smile back in amusement.

But inwardly, she delights in this. Because even if he takes all her decisions away from her, isolate her, and threaten everything and everyone she loves…she could at least fight back with her words, even if it means only in private.

"Coriolanus doesn't fit you at all," she says softly, but disdainfully.

Started 4/22/12 –Completed 4/23/12


	9. Senses/Lunar Phases I

_**Sight:** _

Everyone relies on their sight so much. Katniss honestly doesn't understand how she's so blind then, because though she knows Seneca has always been there, she hasn't seen how much _she_ truly needs him.

She knows she does, but never the depth –and she ends up with the realization that she takes him for granted.

"I see you," he tells her one day. "I see you, and sometimes you're all I see. I become blinded to everything else. So it's okay. I can be a little blind too."

This is the reply she gets when she tells him she feels blind sometimes, but she doesn't elaborate on why.

She thinks that if she has to be blind, she wishes it was to be blind in the way he is –that all she could see is him and nothing else.

_**Hearing:** _

He hears her singing one time at home. It's beautiful…even starting to become haunting, especially with the song she'd chosen to sing. But the lyrics hit him hard and he's really listening to the words, his heart starting to clench in fear and he's rushing to her side.

She's sitting on their bed, making a rope necklace idly as she sings, but his mind is focused on the innocent-sounding words that truly fill him with terror.

" _Are you, Are you_  
Coming to the tree  
Where the dead man called out for his love to flee  
Strange things did happen here  
No stranger would it seem  
If we met up at midnight in the hanging tree~"

"Katniss," he practically chokes out and she turns her head to him in surprise, pausing her hands. "Please stop singing that song."

_Is Peeta calling to you?_

She furrows her eyebrows, about to stand up and go to him in confusion, when he goes over to her instead and holds her hands.

"Do you want to go to…him? Do you ever feel like that, Katniss? Really? I know life in the Capitol, being a literal prisoner in this home, in this society is hard –but surely not torturous enough that you would want to leave it all behind…permanently?"

He doesn't know what he would do if she took her life. He'd probably follow after her.

Light of understanding enters her eyes and she's shaking her head.

"No, I was just singing the song, Seneca. I mean…maybe in the beginning, this song would have meant much more and maybe I wouldn't have thought living this way was worth it, and would have tried to join Peeta –but you were here and I don't feel that way anymore," she confesses.

He tries to feel better, but the terror of the thoughts of her desire for suicide is still lingering and he can't do anything but bow his head over their held hands as his whole body shakes as he tries to calm down.

"Please just don't sing it again," he murmurs as she threads a hand through his hair, messing it up.

" _Are you, Are you_  
Coming to the tree  
Wear a necklace of rope, side by side with me.  
Strange things did happen here,  
No stranger would it seem,  
If we met up at midnight in the hanging tree," she sings the last verse and he looks up at her painfully, but she just puts the finished rope necklace over his neck.

"Okay," she smiles sadly at him. "But if you're gone, don't expect me to stick around," she tugs at the rope necklace around his neck meaningfully.

Though she doesn't know it, her words strike a cord within him and he resolves to live through anything for her, even if he has to fight tooth and nail, just to make sure she lives too.

For her, she once defied her mother in not singing this haunting song. But just for him, she would never sing it again.

_**Taste:** _

He's stumbling passed the peacekeepers, who are alarmed at his state. But he ignores them and rushes in stumbling steps to home, feeling his head feeling hazy as he blinks sweat out of his eyes. His heart is racing, so is his thoughts –he can't keep track of either one of them or calm either.

He slams the door open, startling Katniss from the living room, who rushes to him when she sees his condition.

"Seneca!"

It's his taste that's the worse.

All he can taste is an acidic flavor that coats his entire mouth, with the insides of it adding a cottony feel that makes him gag. The taste makes his throat feel like it's burning up and he wants to retch. He keels over and dry-heaves and he can hear Katniss panicking in the background.

Dazedly, he knows this is the cost of the high-life style most Capitol people maintained.

Drugs, as opposed to the past, were actually quite rare in this day and age. However, when it was obtained, only a few Capitol citizens were known to partake in it. It wasn't a common thing. But those who do, do it hard.

And they like to spread the 'fun.'

Some idiot had managed to drug the wine of the party for the night, and Seneca's body has never been known to react well to substances of the recreational kind. His teenage years had shown him that and he'd never gone that way since. A single try that had left him near death's door then, had cleared his mind of any desire to try anything.

He's vaguely aware of Katniss dragging him to the bathroom, or the shower being turned on and becoming soaked, because all he can focus on is the fact the taste of acid is becoming worse and it's burning even more –he wants to claw out his throat and mouth just to make it stop and not taste anymore.

He retches to the side and he briefly tastes the bile, before it's back to the taste of acid. He spits out several times and tries to drink the water of the shower to wash it away, but it's still _there_ and –

Gentles hands turn his head and Katniss is kissing him and _she tastes so heavenly_.

He can't believe she's kissing him after he'd just thrown up, but he's grateful because for some reason her taste is reaching out to him and passed the acid that's slowly fading.

He quickly passes out though.

_**Smell:** _

He smells mint and forest, and just an earthy smell. He instinctively feels calm and blissful, and when his mind starts to clear and he wakes up a little, he recognizes the scents immediately as belonging to Katniss.

Who is amusingly curled up to his torso like a cat herself.

"Don't scare me like that," she murmurs drowsily, starting to wake up. "I thought you were dying or something."

He doesn't tell her he thought so too, knowing it would freak her out, and instead leans up on his elbow as he brushes back her hair tenderly.

"Is that my shirt you're wearing? You've been wearing my shirts a lot," he comments.

She makes a weird purr/growl/sigh sound (he can't differentiate, especially as she's hiding her face sleepily in her pillow, though it could be a combination too…).

"Ngh…I like your scent. It makes me sleep better too, especially on nights when you're working late and don't come home until I'd be asleep."

He's rather glad he chose the saffron scent and that's uniquely to him, as opposed to the generic altered-roses scent everyone else used. He knows Katniss dislikes that scent, and childishly hopes that his preference has somehow helped to endear him to Katniss a little more.

There was somewhere he'd heard that smells help make a person fall in love.

_**Touch:** _

He's too sensitive. Everything he touches feels _more_. His sense of touch has been extremely heightened and he has no one to blame but himself.

It was stupid really. They'd been working on a contraption for the games, and something had gone wrong. He'd been caught in the crossfire and was now indefinitely stuck with his sense of touch out of order. He'd been confined to home until it either wore off or they found a cure.

He's been avoiding Katniss because of this.

The first time he'd come home and come into contact with her had been _so painful_. Every touch was like electric, even more so than usual. His body had heated up at her touch, and just the brush of her fingers had his toes curling. A simple hug had felt like he would stop breathing. She'd held his hand and the warmth from it started burning up his entire body, spreading everywhere. A cautious kiss on the cheek had made his heart stop for a second.

And the _caresses_ …

God, those were like slow torture and he would feel his whole body react to her, even more than it would usually, and he would be in pain and pleasure all at once (and dearlordhe'dalmostcummedonetime). He's afraid of losing control; the increased sensitivity has lowered his restraint and he doesn't think he'd be able to hold himself back from her at the moment, what with his body's reaction to her. If he doesn't stay away, he's afraid of giving into his baser instincts and desires, and just ravishing her, with no thought to her agreement or not (or with only thoughts of pleasure and relief, or even no thoughts in his head at all).

That was why he'd taken to avoiding her. Still, he'd send her tortured and longing looks, and it was enough to placate her and make her understand.

He's a little bit ashamed and embarrassed about his sensitivity and especially what it does to him in regards to her.

_**Sixth Sense (ESP):** _

"The two of you got some kind of ESP going on," Finnick comments. "You two just… _know_ each other. Neither of you need to talk or do anything, and the other just _knows_. It's weird, High Roller."

"Don't call me that," Seneca says, but it's for the something something time, and now he rebuts the nickname just out of habit. "And do we? I don't really notice. I know we do that, but I didn't really think everyone would look at it too much or something."

"You _are_ a High Roller, Mister Big Gamemaker. So therefore it suits you and I'm going to call you that. Especially since I call Katniss 'Babydoll' –that makes you two nicknamed after one of my favorite couples. Anyways, back on topic. Yes, it is odd. You don't see everyone else here able to communicate psychically, do you? Well, Katniss can do it with her peacekeepers too, even if it's less than what you two do, so maybe she's the one who's psychic?"

"I'm not psychic, Finnick," Katniss calls out exasperatedly, balancing on Brutus' shoulders as she tries to get the wind chime hung high up on the arch of the gazebo. "Seneca and I just know each other really well."

"…Nah. I think Katniss really has PMS. ESP, I mean."

"Seneca."

"With pleasure," and he slaps Finnick upside the head.

_**New Moon:** _

"Where are we going?" Katniss allows him to pull her along. He's quiet until they're at the outdoor fireplace and he sits down on one of the beds, moving her to sit next to him.

"It's a new moon today," he declares, but she only looks at him bemusedly. "My family used to celebrate the moon and stuff. I wasn't all that religious, but I do try to keep up with the traditions every once and awhile. I don't know why, but I just do. I thought you might like to share in this one."

She's intrigued, but doesn't say anything. He pulls out a long piece of string and she's raising her eyebrows, but he merely takes one of her hands and restrings one end around her left ring finger and then does the same to his left ring finger.

"Supposedly, tying a red string between the left ring fingers under a new moon would grant a couple a long-lasting relationship, with hopes of honesty, fidelity, and the patience and endurance to stick with each other through anything," he tugged, oddly shyly, at the string connecting their fingers. "There's a legend about a red string connecting two people and marking them as soul mates; that's where this ceremony comes from; the new moon signifies a new start. Together, that would make the ceremony a sort of blessings on a relationship."

She hms and nods. "I think you're just trying to hurry up and marry me, so you're performing an impromptu wedding ceremony. But it's gonna be hard to go places if our wedding rings are connected all the time and we have to be in different places."

He sputters and looks at her with wide eyes, denials at the tip of his tongue, when she bursts out laughing and shakes her head.

"I'm kidding, Seneca. I'm anxious for the wedding too," but then she adds in another tease.

And he hides his face in his hands, even as a smile tugs at his lips and she starts laughing again.

Hearing her laughter and having her feeling better and comfortable enough to be teasing so freely now…

That makes everything worth it.

"Now it's noon and I'm hungry. Let's go get a bite already. We can stare at the new moon when the sun sets."

He follows after her, but they still don't take off the string.

_**Waxing Crescent Moon:** _

"Okay, what's the next ceremony?" she asks him.

"Why would you think there's another ceremony?" he asks back.

"I asked Brutus. He told whatever he knew, which was surprisingly more than either of us thought he would know. It was funny, he looked surprised that he'd known so much," Katniss reminisces. "He told me most Lunar traditions continue through the phases, so that if you choose to do one –say a 'courting' tradition," she smirked at him, "That one ceremony would lead to the next ceremony on the next lunar phase. Today's the waxing crescent moon."

"There are a lot of moon traditions my family followed," he acknowledges, giving a small smile back. "And I did choose to start one of the courting ceremonies for the new moon, because specifically for us. The waxing phase of the moon is meant to put forth something –in the instance of courting ceremonies, complete and utter honesty. So to bare all would be the next ceremony, under the waxing crescent moon –which is to say visibility is at afternoon to post-dusk. It's three, which makes this phase of the moon at its culmination," he checks his watch to make sure.

"Huh. Well, I don't think I have anything to tell. I mean, I never keep things from you and I've told everything from before…I guess," she hesitates and he's actually surprised. Like she said, she's usually very open about everything with him and he hadn't thought there would be anything else for her to say.

"You know…at the games?" she tentatively asks him and he nods. "I…I was pretending for Peeta. I didn't really love him like that; it was for the sponsors," she reveals and he's strangely only slightly shocked about that.

"And yet, a part of you did sort of come to care for him," he sees where she doesn't want to acknowledge.

She winces. "I think…I think I might've grown attached and a little fond of him, despite it all, during the games. And if…he'd lived and we were near each other, I might have even grown a little closer to him," she admits. She continues on. "And there's also Gale. Before Peeta, it was always him. I don't really think of him…like that…but I think I might have been able to have grown to actually really develop feelings for him."

Now that makes him cringe and feel vindicated at himself and all the others who thought he was just being jealous or paranoid about this 'Gale' person.

He clears his throat and gets ready to make the confession he's been prepping himself for since the new moon.

"Katniss, I –" the words get stuck in his throat and he becomes terrified that she might react even worse than he'd imagined. But he pushes through. "Before this, before meeting you –you were just a tribute, remember?"

She nods in bemusement and he swallows heavily.

"You were still captivating to me, even then," he spills out. "There was just something about you that caught my eye and I couldn't forget you and get you off my mind. It got to the point where there were times you were all I wanted and all I could just think about. It was driving me mad and…and I went and gave in to…to the system."

And she knows just what system he's talking about, and he can see her stiffening up.

"I couldn't help myself. I know, I was weak and I'm so sorry, Katniss. Cashmere –"

"Cashmere?" she croaks out and he knows he somehow just made it worse.

"Yes," he doesn't lie, whispering the truth as he looks shamefully downwards. "Cashmere was the one I'd slept with."

He doesn't know what else to say or what he else he can confess. He doesn't know how to make this better or say something that won't make her look at him like he's a stranger. He's driving himself crazy, even thinking that she's looking at him like he's a monster…

He can't tell whether or not he's imagining that.

"I can't look at you right now."

Her voice is stoic and his heart stops.

"I just…I just can't. I can't face you. You just…You just can't spring that on me! I…need some time," she moves and starts to get up.

"Katniss –" he tries, he really does.

"Don't," she interrupts shortly, stormy eyes flashing as she glares at him (and it's like lightning and he shivers, remembering his fear). "I don't want to speak to you. _Don't even come near me_."

He feels the words strike him hard in his heart, piercing and cold and he feels it wrapping around him like a vice grip.

She rushes away from him and he doesn't follow.

When he finally gets up to try to talk – _plead_ –to her, the door is locked and he remembers his key is inside. He's not welcomed.

A little slip of paper is peeking out from under the door and he picks it up and reads it apathetically.

_You can go sleep in the Guardhouse._

_Well, at least she's not totally shutting him out, like last time,_ he thinks numbly.

Started 4/24/12 –Completed 4/26/12


	10. Lunar Phases II

_**First Quarter Moon:** _

The Guardhouse isn't too bad. Katniss had wanted to make sure her guards were comfortable and made sure their living quarters would be. Still, as he stays with them, they shoot him with looks of equal bewilderment and suspicion, as if they could tell he had done something to upset their little nightingale.

He's too much in a daze to really care or notice.

He's just glad that he's at least near her, staying on the same grounds of her home, instead of being completely blocked out as he had been before. It was one of the reasons why he hadn't been completely certain he'd wanted to give up his penthouse…in the case that she ever locked him out again. Even though she'd promised, he was still worried about it. That and the fact that if he had to meet for his work in any capacity, then he'd rather conduct business there than bring it to Katniss' home…

The first quarter moon was that day, he notes in his haze. The continuation of contemplation and reflection. Well, he had plenty of time and a lot of incentive to do that.

He looks outside to find that Katniss is staring blankly back at him from the side of her home, though he thought he might be imagining the longing in her eyes that he wished was an echo of his.

The space between them makes everything so much more lonelier…He wishes he can be where she is.

_**Waxing Gibbous Moon:** _

Another waxing phase. More truths to be bared, if any, and recent truths are the ones most likely to be told at this point with a normal couple. But they weren't a normal couple, were they?

Still, he's surprised to see the letter addressed to him. The peacekeeper quietly hands it over and he hesitantly takes it, not knowing if he really wanted to open it and read it.

_Waxing phase –time to be honest and all. I miss you but I don't want to see you. It's lonely but I don't want you around. I feel guilty for Peeta's death and you sort of know that, but you don't really understand just how much. I feel guilty for his death, but now it's more especially because he loved me and I didn't love him back, and now I'm moving on and now I know I really do love you back._

Short and simple, and he feels joy bubbling up in his currently apathetic heart. He knows he shouldn't feel so happy about Peeta's death being a factor or that she feels guilty, but _she loves him_.

After that, he decides he'd much rather sleep outside her door, even though it's her porch, outside, and uncomfortable. He's hopeful and astonished when she leaves the door open for him by the third day he does that, and there's a pillow and blanket waiting for him on the couch.

He'd take the couch than being shut out of her home any time.

Still, he can't resist being just a little more closer and starts camping out right outside her (used to be his) bedroom door. They never cross paths and she never says anything to him, but he feels just a little bit better this way.

_**Full Moon:** _

Finnick comes over with Annie Cresta in tow, claiming a double date under the full moon would be fun. They remember him asking before if it would be alright if he ever brought her over, let her meet new people and get to do something with others for once (and maybe even do a double with Seneca and Katniss, like he was claiming now), but they still didn't expect him to come over out of the blue and do it so soon.

Seneca's just glad that there wasn't a real ceremony on this phase, other than watching and 'worshipping' the full moon with your significant other to represent serenity in a relationship, which makes this whole thing rather fitting.

Katniss and Seneca pretend nothing is wrong, but they're not sure if it's working. Katniss is a horrible liar and Seneca is too out of it to really be anything but transparent, however Finnick seems busy and too anxious himself to notice.

When they're outside, watching the full moon together, Annie starts to curl into a ball and begin muttering under her breath to herself, rocking back and forth on the bed on the deck of the outside fireplace. Finnick winces and comfortingly lays hands on her, pulling her onto his lap, and glancing at them worriedly after.

"You know, I hear that full moons cause this lunar effect on people," Katniss says nonchalantly, looking away. "Insomnia, lunacy, the works. Damn, that moon's got one nasty power."

Finnick looks at them gratefully and she just smiles at him, while Seneca nods.

"Thanks for this," he tells them sincerely. "I wanted Annie to meet you and hopefully have someone she could talk to and be friends with. And this whole thing…I was trying and hoping to make it a treat for her."

"It's no problem, Finn. Any time," Katniss murmurs.

Finnick turns back to his Annie, whispering comforting words, and Seneca's breath catches in his throat as he feels Katniss unconsciously reach over and grab his hand.

_**Waning Gibbous Moon:** _

The waning gibbous moon is the first of phases where it was time to not only keep reflecting and looking inward, but to reap what had been put forth from the waxing phases.

Seneca had been doing a lot of thinking lately; looking inside of him and his life so far. Knowing and feeling what he does now, looking back he's not so proud of himself. Years, he callously made designs for children's deaths for the amusement of others, and even enjoying it himself at times or at the least was indifferent and looked at it as just work. Where once he was like them and still was once and awhile, time with Katniss had opened his eyes.

He was a horrible person.

He realizes that his life has been pretty meaningless before Katniss; more than that, it's been full of nothing that he can see is worth anything except shame. Ignorance, naivety, and even just plain blindness have led him so far, and Katniss has made him see there were things about himself he didn't just need to change –but wanted to.

Giving in and hiring a prostitute that time, of his own volition, is just what broke things. And now, when Katniss was part of that system (that bastard Snow has no right selling her and it makes his blood boil thinking about it), to know he –someone close to her and cared for –had willingly taken part of such a thing, and with someone she had come to like as a good friend…

He understands that right now, such a thing is unforgivable and she's too hurt, confused, and upset to even think about giving him a chance.

Still, he has hopes. She'd said _she loved him_. That more than anything helps him get through the days with this distance and he wonders about how he can return back all that they'd given in the waxing phases.

The only ceremony for the courting tradition he'd begun that would fit now was saying sorry in three different ways; three because it was a universally powerful number.

The first thing he does is write a letter to her. He hopes having something physical to read over and over would help his apology sink in with each read and show how sincere he is.

_Dear Katniss,_

_I'm sorry. I don't deny what I did, though I wish I could take it all back and make it never happened. I wish I could still be forgetting it, but I can't when the act of it reaches out and affects you. It was a mistake and I've never repeated it. It was the only time I willingly went through it and I've never done so again, especially once I've been with you. I know what I did before hurts you, that for you to learn I partook in such a thing when you're now stuck in the same situation is hard to take in and accept. It wasn't and it's never been my intention to hurt you. And when I told you about it, I only wanted to be completely honest with you and to not hide anything from you. Please know I'm truly sorry and I miss you. The nights are lonelier and the days have become too long…_

_Please just say hello once._

_Seneca_

He slips that under her door before he gets ready for work, and quickly makes breakfast as his second try at an apology. Actions speak louder than words after all, and he knows that she hasn't been eating breakfast. Still, he puts a little note next to the plate of three pairs of toast, sunny-side eggs, and ham. It reads:

_In Chinese, three sounds like the word "alive." You make me feel more alive than I've ever been my whole life without you._

He didn't expect that he'd practically skip out at work. He makes a quick showing, does a little work, and then leaves. He heads to the little meadow place he'd brought Katniss to and that they used to visit together at times, and starts to painstakingly start on his last apology, giving her a gift. But he decides against buying it –he doesn't want to buy her forgiveness. Flowers are too cliché, but he thinks he'll still get her some; only he'll pick them himself from this meadow so it'll come out more meaningful.

But it is this handmade gift, something he's exerting himself over and hoping it'll show her that he was truly sorry and that he really did want his apology accepted, that he's working hard on.

After it's all said and done, he goes back to her home and leaves his gifts in her room. She comes back home, after making sure Brutus wasn't starving himself to death with his inability to cook, and finds two gifts that take her aback and make her freeze in her steps.

Her eyes take in the bouquet of handpicked flowers, reading into the specifically chosen flowers that were gathered together. The bouquet is made up of hyacinths that mean "I'm sorry" and "please forgive me." In the middle, she chokes back a sob from the handful of rues that double in meaning 'regret' and a remembrance of the sweet little girl, and wonders if Seneca knows how much it means to her for her to see it. She can't help, even upset at him as she is, but to feel grateful for him always being thoughtful and thinking of her.

There are three primroses even further in the middle of the bouquet, and she involuntarily smiles. She thinks of her sister and wonders if Seneca had too, when picking these for her. She also knows they mean 'eternal love.' She knows by now what it means, coming from him.

The absolute middle is topped off with an eglantine rose that means 'a wound to heal', and she's sad but relieved to know that Seneca understands she's just really hurting right now.

She picks it up and sees that aside from the strand of ivy wrapped around the bouquet and meaning 'fidelity', that she can't help but slightly blush at, there are three more flowers hiding in the bouquet –as if he was unsure about or was too timid about adding them.

A heliotrope for devotion, a jonquil asking 'return my affection', and an arbutus that says "You're the only one I love."

She blinks back tears as she clutches the bouquet to her bosom and caresses the handmade bow tenderly.

_**Third Quarter Moon (with a Half Moon):** _

"Hello."

And he smiles because even though it's one word, he'd asked her to say it and she'd conceded. It is a small step, but an important one.

She says it every night before bedtime, and it brings a smile to his lips every time. One night, she does so with more strain in her voice and he notices dark circles under her eyes. He's worried, but doesn't say anything.

But as he camps outside her room again, he hears whimpering and he jolts out of his half-asleep state. He quickly gets up and opens her door, seeing her tossing and turning violently in bed, muttering things he can hear from the door. Rushing to her side, he hears her mutter under her breath about "Peeta…no…run! The wolves, have to…damn you, Snow…Seneca!"

He's gently waking her up, murmuring reassurances and brushing back her hair tenderly. Her eyes shoot open and she's breathing heavily, only just a hint of tears at her eyes.

"Seneca?" she asks hesitantly.

"Nightmares?"

She flinches, but doesn't deny it. "I've had them since the games," she admits. "You just…weren't there before to hear them, and then you started living here and sleeping with me…You kept them away after that, and your smell would help when you were gone late. After the fight, not even your smell started to help though…"

He's quiet before he's embracing her and pulling her close to him.

"You don't have to forgive me or let me back fully…but at night, I'll be here and keep the nightmares away," he promises.

"I _can't_ forgive you just yet. I don't know how…or even when it'll be…but please. Promise me that. Promise you'll stay with me tonight," her hands tighten their grip around his bare arms, and she looks away in shame.

"All the nights," he swears.

And he stays and lulls her to sleep, brushing his lips against her forehead before he starts to calmly sing to her.

" _Here your dreams are sweet and tomorrow brings them true. Here is the place where I love you~"_ he ends the song early and though her eyes are slipping close, he remembers the look of awe and shock in her eyes when she sees and hears him start to sing to her.

In the third quarter moon with a half moon accompanying it, there are no restrictions to the ceremony to be chosen, or even that it had to be a known ceremony. Only that whatever it was would have to be completely about acceptance.

He accepts everything about Katniss, no matter what. He only hopes that she accepts everything about him as well, faults and all…and that this hopefully meant she is at least starting to.

_**Waning Crescent Moon:** _

The last of the reaping phases. Tie up loose ends and resolve whatever needed to be resolved –and the only thing to fully reap was her confession about her feelings, yet he's not sure he can at this time. They're still not talking fully. He doesn't know what else to do, but to hold himself prostrate before her and just beg.

He comes home, thinking he was going to do just that, only to freeze in his tracks and feel as if his world had tilted on its axis again.

What else could explain Cashmere sitting at the kitchen table?

She smiles gently at him, gracefully standing up. "I was just about to leave," she informs him. "Take it easy, okay?"

He assumes she's telling him to take it easy on his health and life, but then has a creeping suspicion that she means that about the upcoming talk he suspects he's about to have with Katniss. He's a little unsure how to feel about that –on one hand he'll actually be talking to her, but on the other he dreads this talk.

And then he sees Katniss and his breath is stolen as always, and she's only merely wearing jeans and one of his spare shirts hung loosely on her frame, with her signature braid a little messier than usual. She's still more beautiful to him than Cashmere in her pretty blue dress and styled blonde hair and made up face.

Katniss clears her throat awkwardly and adorably gestures to the table shyly. He says nothing and just goes there, where he waits for her to join him.

"What was Cashmere doing here?" he blurts out, a little nervously. "What did she say? Why was she here?"

Katniss gives him a stern look and he takes a deep breath to calm himself.

"What was said was between Cashmere and me," she says firmly, looking at her hands on the table. "What she said…what words were spoken between us stays that way. Okay? Please."

He nods tensely, still feeling uneasy. But he's startled when he feels her hand touch his and then clasped it securely, having reached across to him.

"She told me things that helped me think a little more clearly," Katniss admits. "It helps this whole thing, being able to hear from her herself. And to the others' credit, they've been noticing something was off with us. Apparently, Brutus caught on, who told Finnick, who told Cashmere," she laughs a little self-deprecatingly and he agrees silently that he hadn't thought they'd been so transparent or that the other victors would be so observant.

"But I just need to say that I'm sorry," she surprisingly says. "I've been thinking this lately, even before Cashmere's visit. I don't have the right to judge you. That was hers and she's told me about it and you. I wasn't the one who was propositioned either, and the fact is –I didn't know you then. Why should I be upset about something that happened before I even met you, especially with my lack of involvement and when it didn't really affect me personally? And the involvement I did have was being such a temptation that it lowered your restraint. And I'm sorry that I affected you so badly," she grimaces slightly.

"But you _do_ have every right," he disagrees quietly. "You're my fiancée," strange how that's the first time he's actually said that aloud. "You're part of my life now, and as my partner, what happens or is said and done matters to you too, no matter what. That counts for all things past and present, and of the future.

"And the _fact is_ ," he echoes her words. "Your thoughts and opinions matter very much to me."

They stare at each other and he goes on.

"You being a temptation is still my fault. Everyone gets tempted. I'm the one who gave in," his jaw clenches at that. "And it _does_ affect you, especially since you're part of that system now."

And they don't have to speak about it to know that this whole thing has been a throwback to her role in that system, made worse because of him and his involvement.

"Still, this really shows me, you know?" she says uncomfortably. "I know me. I know I can be a little stubborn sometimes. And this just proves I can be a little righteous and too proud. I always think I have all the answers and have trouble listening to others sometimes, and I never like giving in. You know that better than anyone by now," her voice tinges into tenderness as her gaze softens a little toward him.

Then she's forcing herself to look away and starts the motion to curl in on herself, only barely stopping herself. He's taken aback. He knows she's had her vulnerable moments with him before…but he thinks that this may be the first time she's willingly showing her vulnerability, or at least not as reticent about the show of it.

"The days without you…when you were gone…it's been horrible and completely lonely," she confesses, her voice thick with tears he was never sure before she would ever willingly share with him. He didn't think she'd been feeling the same as he, all this time, either. "You saw my nights. They've been a literal nightmare without you by my side. I kept trying to face each day, and all I felt was misplaced and confused."

Seneca is utterly shocked and frozen by the words coming out of her mouth. He didn't really think he'd mattered or meant so much to her…

She comes over to him, and he keeps getting shocked because now she's kneeling between his legs and holding onto his hands.

"I _hate_ depending on someone and I've always liked to think I could be strong on my own…but I'm not too proud to admit that I'm lost with you and I don't think I _can_ be strong without you."

That makes it the last straw and he suddenly grabs her and jerks her forward, clutching onto her tightly (partly to make up for lost time and because he's desperate to hold her and touch her after so long without) and holding her to him, as if he's trying not to leave any space between them. She finally lets the tears she's been struggling to hold back go, and he feels the wet drops on his neck.

"I was wrong. Please don't leave me over this; I don't know what I'd do if you left me. Please accept all of me, even the stupid parts that make me difficult," she's grabbing at him back and they clatter to the floor of the kitchen on their knees.

"None of you is stupid," he mutters into her ear. "And I've always accepted all of you. I need you by my side too. _I would never leave you. I won't_."

"Then promise me that the next time we get into a fight, we always compromise. I don't think I can handle being separated from you again," she breathes in shakily. "Even if we need to talk and hear the other out first, I'd rather compromise on it than be angry at you again."

"I always think we can work things out," he kisses her temple and her hold around him tightens.

She pulls back and looks him in the eye, and her gray eyes are so light they look ethereal and remind him of heaven.

"I love you," she actually says aloud and then kisses him.

_**Dark Moon:** _

"I swear, Finnick, if my home becomes haunted because of this, I'm making you exorcise the spirits yourself," Katniss says irritably and he tries to refrain from smiling.

He knows he's failing by the irritated glare she sends his way.

"Oh, it won't be bad, Katniss! It'll be fun," Annie smiles widely, looking at his fiancée (the thought makes him grin outwardly and inwardly) with expectant eyes.

Like with the little girl from the ice cream parlor, Katniss' eyes softens and she smiles gently at the older victor. It seems to be a universal truth that Katniss has a huge maternal instinct and that she tends to unconsciously protect those that are weak.

Annie, devious woman that she truly is, takes advantage of this frequently in her lucid moments. So does Brutus too, now that he thinks about it. The man doesn't blink at playing pathetically desperate and starving if it means Katniss cooks for him. Cashmere doesn't make an exception, while her brother would never stoop to being weak on any occasion.

Finnick doesn't play innocent or weak well. Katniss would never believe him either way.

"This is the one moon tradition I've never done," Seneca deadpans and wonders why everyone has forcefully made their way into Katniss' home and decided to camp over without permission…as well as deciding on performing the outlandish moon ceremony of speaking to spirits with a Ouija board.

The damn things still exists to that day…

"Why are we doing it again?" he shares a look with Katniss.

"Because," Finnick rolls his eyes. "If we're going to do moon traditions, it should be a fun one. And on the dark moon, the time of holding power and all that, this is the perfect time to speak to spirits."

He really hates that they all found out that he's been going about moon traditions and picking ceremonies. He's kind of embarrassed about it now…

Later, when they're starting the Ouija board, a startling thing happens. The speaking glass starts moving on its own and everyone is shocked and verging on either panic or excitement. Brutus is, weirdly enough, the most frightened and freaking out, nearly screaming by the new development (though the man doesn't let go of the glass and keeps playing on). Annie, just as weirdly, is rather ecstatic and asking random questions at this "spirit".

He's not sure (or wants to know) why Annie would want to know the color of Snow's underwear…

Then he blinks and looks closer at the glass, and sees a steady but unnoticeable glow. His mouth slightly drops and he almost lets go of the glass, but saves himself and instead takes a glance at the one person who'd refused to play and was instead monitoring the yellow cake she was making.

The hint of a smile on Katniss' face is very telling…

He doesn't reveal the ruse and reveal Katniss' little practical joke, letting her get away with her playful hoax. But when everyone is hesitantly (still afraid) going to sleep, he gives her a pointed look, and she only gives him an innocent look.

She's really, really good at that.

"Hey," he calls out to her and she finishes washing her hands, coming over to him after. "Come with me?"

Curiously, she follows him and he leads her back to the outside fireplace deck, where things had gone wrong once upon a time. They sit on one of the beds and she's still curious, so he gets on with it.

"You know, I wasn't just doing a courting tradition process for kicks," he starts out seriously and she's listening intently. "Truthfully, I really have been doing a quick courting of you, because I couldn't do it properly before we'd gotten engaged. Of course, it went skewed with our fight and all…but still. This whole thing was messed up and it kind of seems like we started backwards and jumped over some big steps. So I wanted to give you a proper courting, even if quick, so that I would be able to do this tonight."

So then he gets down on one knee, her eyes widening, and he takes out a midnight blue velvet box and opens it to reveal a Deco-styled ring, with two sapphire baguettes surrounding a huge diamond in the middle while surrounded by much smaller diamonds on either side and around the band.

"Blue, like your eyes," she murmurs absentmindedly, gazing at it in awe as she reflexively reaches out to touch it.

He grabs her hand and holds it still, looking at her meaningfully.

"The last time I propose was kind of tainted," he says softly. "Will you marry me?"

She doesn't hesitate in her answer. "Yes."

And he puts on the ring and she can't help herself when she tosses herself at him. He hugs her briefly before moving back and then leaning up, kissing her. Of the three times they've kissed, strangely it's been her who initiates every time.

He thought he'd do the honor this time.

Started 4/29/12 –Completed 5/1/12


	11. Odd Moons and Drinking Games

_**Blue Moon:** _

"Would you stop that? There's no such thing as a blue moon!" Seneca couldn't help twitching, glaring at Finnick. "Stop suggesting moon traditions for it, when it doesn't exist!"

Finnick pouts. "How do you know? Have you ever seen one?"

"Exactly! It's never been seen and there are no records of it. _It doesn't exist_."

He really regrets the others finding out about the moon stuff, especially Finnick.

Later, when Finnick finally left, Katniss looks at him, with a smile tugging at her lips. He raises an eyebrow at her.

"Don't be too hard on him. I think it would have been nice to see a blue moon. And astrologically, it does exist," she teases.

"But not an actually blue-colored moon," he says stubbornly.

That night, he blindfolds her and leads her out, where she could tell was out of the home when she feels the cold air of the night hit her skin. And when the blindfold is taken off, she breathes in sharply and he smiles.

"Is this the arena?" she gazes at the place that had once housed a forest and now looks like an ocean, while the two of them sits on a lone dock.

"Yeah," he shrugs. "I'm Head Gamemaker. I can do whatever I want in here and come whenever I please."

She shakes her head, fighting back a smile, at him abusing his Head Gamemaker powers for her. But he points up and she looks to where he was pointing, gasping and staring in awe.

A pretty blue moon hangs in the sky above their heads.

_**Black Moon:** _

"We're not really doing this, are we?" Katniss questions them in disbelief.

"And I can't believe I'm coming along," Seneca mutters.

"Shush! Now, we're actually having a black moon. Something that rare has to be celebrated!" Finnick grins.

"A Black Moon occurs when there are two dark cycles of the moon in any given calendar month. It is believed that the second dark moon is a time of great power within the spiritual world and any magick worked during this time is especially powerful," Brutus intones seriously, lighting up his flashlight into his face.

And given that they are all, strangely, wearing black robes and Brutus has his hood up, he succeeds in looking and acting creepy.

Katniss wrinkles her nose, "I didn't even know the Capitol had a graveyard."

"What did you think happens to the Capitol citizens' bodies after they're dead?" Seneca asks in amusement. "Did you picture us freezing ourselves or preserving our bodies and putting them on display in museums or something? Maybe keep them in a family room in the basement to pass down for generations?"

Katniss' silence was very telling.

The other victors guffaw, while he restrains himself, though he couldn't stop his lips from smiling. She narrows her eyes at him and mouths ' _Couch_ ', making him forcefully straighten up his face quickly. She looks at him smugly.

"Geez, you're so morbid about Capitol people, Katniss," Cashmere giggles. "I know Capitol people are weird, slightly insane and all that stuff…but I doubt they're _that_ strange, creepy, or freaky."

Katniss just huffs and they focus on their trek after that. Finally making it to the graveyard, they find a random grave and everyone takes out their candles, with Katniss and Seneca more dubious.

"I can't believe I'm doing this," Seneca is muttering again.

Katniss just twitches.

Gloss goes around, lighting everyone's candles, and Annie claps her hands in excitement.

"This is so exciting!" she grins freely.

"Okay, everyone –listen up," Finnick takes out a piece of paper. "We all have to start chanting Oogah, Vit, Relop, at the count of three, for at least six times."

Finnick counts to three and then they all start to chant the mantra over and over. And then, at the end of it, all the candles they are holding flicker and then the smoke from it all goes to the middle of their circle, and a smoky and indistinct figure forms.

"Oooohhh~"

Brutus shrieks and tosses his candle in the air, turning tail and running away first. The candle lands on the ground. Then everyone starts screaming and running away.

"But…but I made up those words," Finnick's jaw drops, then his eyes roll back and he faints.

Katniss sighs, grabbing the fire extinguisher (good foresight…) from behind a gravestone and puts out the fires from everyone's dropped candles.

"Enjoyed that?"

"Very much so," Seneca says just as smugly as she had been earlier.

He pats his pocket cheerfully and offers her his arm.

"Serves them right, dragging us out here for this, when we could be at home, relaxing together."

She just shakes her head, smiling.

_**Lunar Eclipse:** _

He tilts his head, watching his shirt. It jerks and then starts moving by itself on the ground. It stops, before repeating.

He walks over to the bed and peers over to the side, seeing Katniss sitting on the ground behind it and giggling as she messes with the electronic device Beetee had sent over to the peacekeepers as a prototype for them to try out. It worked a little like his control panel for the arena, except a lot more miniature (and was how he'd managed to do that ghost trick at the graveyard, using a preset arrangement he'd programmed).

Two parts to it –the control panel that Katniss currently has, and the little device that was currently playing 'ghoul' with his shirt. The little device had a camera set (along with audio) to it that connected to the control panel, so one could see on the control panel what was happening at that end and therefore move it around with the panel.

It's how Katniss got away with her little party trick that one time.

"Are you done trying to make me think I'm losing my mind?" he says suddenly, startling her.

She looks up at him sheepishly and he laughs lightly at her, helping her up. They walk together back to their deck fireplace and sit on one of the beds, moving to lie down side by side as they look up and watch the unusual lunar eclipse.

"It's beautiful," she murmurs.

He looks at her and gazes at her face.

"Yeah."

And her cheeks tinge red, feeling his stare.

_**Bad Boys Drinking Game:** _

"Alright, ladies! Time to play the Bad Boys Drinking Game," Finnick toasts, his shot glass already filled while he went around and fills everyone else's shot glass.

"That being said, on a more serious note –why am I the only 'actual' lady here?" Katniss asks sardonically.

"Because Cashmere hates this movie and this game even more," Gloss grins.

"And this isn't really Annie's type of game," Finnick smiles a little awkwardly, and Katniss softens at that and nods in resignation.

Brutus and Gloss subtly give him the thumbs up, and he winks back. 'Course, he's serious and honest about that fact about Annie…but it doesn't help that it's perfect to soften Katniss up. Besides, Annie does that kind of thing all the time with Katniss.

Poor girl just doesn't notice…

"Okay, rules of the game! Every time Martin Lawrence or Will Smith says the following words, the entire group drinks: fuck (or any variation of it, like motherfucker) –"

"Wash your mouth, Finnick!" Brutus hollers and Finnick rolls his eyes before continuing.

"Shit, damn, or Mike Lowery. Got it?"

An hour and two minutes later, Seneca comes home to see four victors completely and utterly drunk, with the credits of a movie playing in the background.

"Bad boys, bad boys, whatcha gonna do? Whatcha gonna do when we come for you!" the four of them sang off key.

"Hey, hey –wrong song; it's for that old television show, eh?" Brutus interrupts.

"Nah, the song was in this movie too!" Gloss slurs.

"Bad boys~" well, at least Katniss' voice is still pretty.

Sometimes, he wonders why he doesn't just childproof the alcohol cabinet.

_**Bay-Rib:** _

"Bay-rib…is a mixture of beer pong and flip cup," Gloss says solemnly. "We must split into two teams of at least three people. A member from each team will be on either side of the beer pong table to play –the others are set up by their side of the table, ready to start flip cup, with everyone having their own individual cup. Whoever scores, the other person has to start flip cup along with the member of the scoring team who is closest to them. Then it's a race of flip cup between the two teams, with the scoring team having an advantage because the one who scored doesn't have to drink."

Finnick ends the explanation. "If the team scored against wins, the beer pong cup stays in place –if they lose, the person who was shooting drinks the cup. The teams rotate after the person shooting misses."

Then it was Brutus, Annie, and Katniss in one team and Gloss, Finnick, and Cashmere on the other team.

Seneca comes home to see Katniss eerily completely focused on a plastic cup in the middle of a…ping pong table(?)...and Finnick on the other end. If he looks closer, he swears that Katniss' eyes are glazed and she's swaying slightly. Everyone else is a lot more obviously inebriated.

Katniss scores the ball into the cup and Finnick curses.

"Hell yeah!"

"Fuck!"

And then Finnick is taking a cup with beer filled to the middle, with Annie from the other side doing the same, and they both start drinking and racing to finish. Annie beats Finnick, places her cup at the edge of the table and starts to try to flip it onto its mouth onto the table. Finnick finishes and then starts doing the same. Then both sides start chanting and cheering on their player.

"Go, go, go," both teams are egging on the two.

Annie wins and then Brutus is hurrying to drink his cup of beer. Finnick curses again.

Seneca wonders if coming home to drunk victors is going to become a usual thing.

_**Boat Race:** _

"Okay, Boat Race is a pretty easy and simple game," Cashmere grins, strangely the instigator of this game. "There's two teams, lined up facing each other. Everyone has a cup full of alcohol. At the call of 'Go!', each person at the end starts chugging their drink. The next person in each team can't start drinking until the other has finished. Whichever team with each player having drunk theirs, wins."

This time, it's Gloss, Cashmere, and Katniss, with Brutus, Finnick, and Annie making up the other team.

"Go!" Annie starts the game.

Gloss and Brutus go head to head, with Brutus finishing first. Finnick starts chugging, but Gloss finishes and Cashmere is like a rocket, chugging down the drink faster than Finnick. She finishes way before Finnick and then Katniss reaches for her drink, only for it to be snatched out of her hand.

Everyone turns to stare at the culprit, with Finnick still drinking, to see Seneca chugging Katniss' drink for her. He finishes at the same time as Finnick, who gapes at him. Annie starts drinking anyway.

"If you're going to keep playing this game like I think you are, then I'm drinking all of Katniss' cups for her," he deadpans, staring at the others challengingly.

"Wow…" Annie looks at him (then the cup) in awe.

"Fine, fine, let's just play," Katniss pouts.

Sixteen turns later, and most of them are passed out. Annie is giggling in her sleep, Finnick is curled up and sucking his thumb, Gloss looks like he's posing in his sleep while Cashmere looks as perfect as usual, and Brutus sitting (more casually than usual, to be noted) and looking normal, but he's quiet and staring off to somewhere. Katniss is staring at Seneca in admiration, having out drunk everyone else and looking and acting perfectly normal.

"You're good," her jaw is slightly unhinged.

He grins a little at her. "Thank you. I usually don't drink this heavily though."

"You can hold your liquor so well…" she blinks and stares.

He just smirks.

"Yeah, but I think I might need a little help to bed?" he hints, getting up unsteadily to his feet. He sways violently and she's by his side quickly, grabbing his arm and putting it around her as she helps him to their room.

"Like I said, been awhile since I drank that much…"

_**Bullshit:** _

"I hate this game."

"You're just a bad liar, Katniss."

Katniss glares at Seneca, who looks at her apologetically. The huge pile of cards in front of her is testament to how bad she was at 'Bullshit.'

"He's right; you're such an open book," Finnick snickers, and her glare transfers over to him.

"I'm done," Seneca calls, laying down his last card face down on the pile. "One King."

Everyone stares at him.

"He's already done?" Annie says in disbelief.

"Damn, he's good," Cashmere whistles.

Gloss blinks. "Hell, he probably bluffed several times and no one even noticed…"

"He's got an ingenious poker face, I tell you," Finnick whispers to Brutus in awe.

Everyone is still staring at the Head Gamemaker.

"BULLSHIT!" Katniss calls, eyes fiery as she stares Seneca down.

He stares back, before slowly reaching out and flipping his card over, all without looking away from her.

A King.

Katniss groans and face palms, grabbing the pile of cards and bringing it towards her, taking a shot of alcohol right after.

She was never playing Bullshit with Seneca ever again.

_**Bunny Game:** _

"This is stupid," Katniss mutters.

"No, no –please play, Katniss," Annie looks at her with big eyes.

Katniss crumbles, and the other victors inwardly shake their heads. Annie mentally smirks. Hook, line, and sinker.

They're all sitting around a table and Annie starts the game, calling herself the "Super Bunny." She puts her thumbs to her head like bunny ears, waving her fingers up and down and starting to repeatedly say, "Bunny, bunny, bunny," over and over again as she did that.

Cashmere and Finnick on either side of her start to do the same, putting up their fingers and chanting along with Annie. And then Brutus and Gloss join in, and finally Katniss reluctantly ends the circle. She thinks they're all too drunk for this shit.

Seneca comes home once more to see drunk victors and odd things.

He sees the scene and bursts out laughing, dropping his briefcase and doubling over, clutching at his stomach as he laughs uncontrollably.

_**Busta Rhyme:** _

"Horse!" Annie screams out.

"Doors," Cashmere says after.

"Smores," Finnick says smugly.

"Whores," Brutus chortles loudly, grinning widely.

"Scores," Gloss sniffs disdainfully.

Katniss hesitates and everyone sees.

"SHOT!"

She sighs and resigns herself to taking the shot from Annie and swallowing it down. Seneca is shaking his head from the side.

_**Centurion:** _

"You know…that was some impressive drinking last time," Finnick says slyly, sidling over to Seneca's right.

"Very impressive," Gloss adds, coming to his left.

Seneca elegantly raises an eyebrow.

"Yes?"

"We've set up a drinking game for you," Brutus announces. "There are a hundred shots of beer. You have to drink it in as many minutes."

"You don't have to accept," Katniss rolls her eyes at the other victors' childishness.

Seneca looks at her, gaze lingering as a faint smile plays across his lips.

"Okay."

And five minutes later, the victors are leaving dumbfounded, amazed when one hundred shots were gone in a _single minute_.

Seneca politely leads them out, waits until they're completely gone, and then rushes to the bathroom, throwing up.

Katniss shakes her head. "Show off."

_**Drink While You Think:** _

"Think of a celebrity," Brutus orders Gloss. "Finnick will have to start drinking until he comes up with another celebrity, who's first name begins with the same letter as the previous celebrity's surname."

They start the game and go a few rounds until it's Annie's turn again and she comes out with "Coriolanus Snow!"

Katniss drinks and thinks, before putting down her cup and smiling dopily.

"Seneca Crane!"

Everyone stares at her before Finnick shrugs.

"Well, she's right. He _is_ famous."

Katniss looks down to hide her red cheeks.

_**I've Never:** _

"I've never…" Katniss thinks, blushes at what her mind comes up with, before mentally shrugging and going with it. "I've never made love."

Because just sex wasn't love.

Gloss grins delightedly and leans closer to her, hooding his eyes and grin turning into a playful smirk.

"My dear Tigress," he purrs. "I would love to introduce you to the wonders of love-making."

Gloss is blindsided by the sucker punch to his jaw that comes out of nowhere from his side, knocked out of his chair and landing on the floor. Everyone turns slowly to see Seneca standing to Gloss' right, arm still extended out and hand still made into a fist.

He's smiling deceivingly kindly. "I'm sorry, what was that? And I apologize, my hand reacted on its own –kind of a…reflex."

Gloss stares incredulously. "What the hell? Why'd you do that –"

Seneca's eyes turns icily and he glares at the younger man darkly, spitting out the words before he could stop himself.

"Because you're propositioning my fiancée, idiot!"

Everyone freezes and Katniss stares at him in shock.

"Ah, oops? I guess the cat's out of the bag," Finnick laughs weakly.

"Wait –you're engaged?" Brutus gapes.

"Well, damn. I knew you two had feelings for each other and might even be together…but already engaged?" Cashmere whistles.

Annie screams happily. "Ooh, when's the wedding and am I invited? Wait, can I be a bridesmaid?"

_**Lord of the Rings:** _

It got a bit chaotic since the last time. The others wanted to know why they hadn't known (and why Finnick had –he got ragged on a lot for it), and were basically pouting for being out of the loop. Of course, they explained the circumstances and that they're technically not supposed to let anyone know, and Finnick (and now them) had only been the exception because no one knew that Katniss knew them or that they frequented her home so much.

The peacekeepers are luckily and thankfully very silent about the victors' visits to her home.

The one thing that turned out positively great about it was that Seneca no longer had to hold back showing his affections towards Katniss, which rewarded him with all the delectable reactions she always reluctantly showed towards him in return.

"Okay, when we're watching the film, these are the rules," Finnick tells everyone. The first _Lord of the Rings_ was up next in their movie drinking games. "When Frodo says 'Sam', everyone drinks one finger. When Sam says 'Mr. Frodo', everyone drinks two fingers. Whenever the ring is mentioned, everyone drinks three fingers."

Brutus' eyes glint. "Every time Gollum says 'My Precious', Seneca has to drink three fingers. Every time a bad guy is killed, Katniss has to drink two fingers. Every time someone is killed, _I_ drink two fingers."

Seneca raises his cup towards him in acceptance of the challenge, while Katniss sighs, and they start the movie.

They really shouldn't have chosen the first movie to watch, as there were numerous "Sam', "Mr. Frodo's", and the ring was everywhere. By the end of it, they were all plastered and sprawled all over Katniss' living room.

Even Seneca is acting dazed –which said nothing of his fiancée passed out and curled up on his lap.

_**Mine:** _

"Anyone…anyone who says 'mine' throughout the night," Finnick slurs, then takes another sip of his drink. "They have to perform a 'forfeit'. Whatever the person who caught them saying it demands."

In the middle of the night, Cashmere comes up to Seneca and smirks. He looks at her warily. By now everyone is watching, even Katniss, and Seneca frowns at the District 1 victor.

"Who does Katniss belong to?" she asks innocently.

Damn it all, he wishes his possessive streak or how possessive he was over Katniss wasn't so widely known.

"She's mine," he answers shortly.

Cashmere smiles like a cat that ate the canary. "As your forfeit, you have to kiss Katniss right in front of us."

This Seneca does without qualm, striding over to her in no time (noting the blush quickly growing on her face as he comes towards her), and dips her before kissing her thoroughly in front of everyone.

_**Roxanne:** _

_Roxanne_ by the Police is playing in the background and the room is split in two. The side with Seneca, Katniss, Cashmere, and Gloss start drinking when "Roxanne" is sung, while the other side with Brutus, Annie, and Finnick start drinking when "You don't have to put on the red light" is sung.

The climax comes up and their drinking increases. Hilarity ensues.

Finnick trips over his feet. Annie laughs and falls back with her chair. Brutus chokes on his drink, but ends up still laughing hysterically as he's choking. Seneca is videotaping blackmail calmly, buzzed, while Katniss is snuggling up to his side, passed out and sleeping without a care.

"This is so great. It's been so fun," Finnick says happily. "I love you guys."

"These have been some of the best days of my life," Brutus sniffles a little.

"Let's be a Brotherhood forever," Gloss giggles.

"And Sisterhood!" Annie adds.

"Of Victors," Cashmere ends dramatically.

"Does that mean I'm not included?" Seneca asks blandly.

"You can be an honorary victor," Finnick declares. "Especially since you're going to be married to one!"

Seneca shrugs and continues filming the antics, deciding Katniss would very much liked to see what happened while she'd been out.

_**Russian Beer Roulette:** _

Seneca and Brutus are blindfolded and placed across from each other at a table. Annie takes the six-pack of beer and places them near the two. Katniss takes one and starts shaking it crazily, until she's sure it's about to explode, and then puts it back with the other cans, mixing it to make it blend in. No one but Katniss knows which one it is, and soon the blindfolds are off and Seneca is first off. He picks a can without looking, bets are taken on whether or not it's the can, and he's holding it under his nostrils, cracking it open.

Nothing happens.

Seneca grins, takes a can and gives it to Brutus, who eyes it warily. Finnick and Cashmere, who'd bet that it would be _the_ can, drink in consequence.

Brutus holds it up to his nose and opens it, and the beer bursts out and violates his nostrils. Seneca snickers, while the others eye him.

"Damn, he's good," Annie nodded surely.

_**Strip Poker:** _

Katniss is frowning and watching him closely.

"Really?"

"Come on. You play these drinking games with the others all the time. What's one with me?" Seneca simply smiles.

She scoffs. "It's strip poker."

He just keeps smiling.

She shrugs and they start playing. Obviously, Katniss should have known better.

"Oh, come on!" she yells in frustration.

She's up to the underwear and he's still fully clothed. He's still smiling, by the way.

"Damn it, I knew I shouldn't have played this game with you! You and your…stupid poker face…" she twitches.

"I'll let you choose something for me to take off right now, just because," he offers.

"Your vest and shirt!" she orders.

"That's two things."

"It won't be fair otherwise! You have to show _some_ skin!" she insists.

So he obeys and takes off the two articles of clothing and she crows in victory. She's pleased enough to slip out of her underwear behind her side of the table between them and toss it at him, earning her a very pleasing full face blush from him and Seneca averting his eyes to the side.

It gets him a smug look from her, even as she's blushing.

But he can't be bothered having his pride wounded (or think at all) when just a look over the table or if he'd looked under it, and he would get to see her completely naked down there…

He takes a free shot of liquor to try to calm himself down.

Started 5/6/12 –Completed 5/6/12


	12. Drinking Games Checklists

Technically, he _should_ have known better. Technically.

Well, it all started as soon as work for him ended. It was noon and he'd planned to go home to Katniss, and hopefully spend some time alone with her before Brutus came over (unless the man was already over, as he was wont to do on slow, boring, or just plain lonelier than usual days). And if he was lucky, it would _only_ be Brutus.

He'd only taken twelve steps outside his office when he'd been ambushed. He vaguely was able to recognize his kidnapper as Brutus himself, probably the only victor big and strong enough to pick him up and toss him over his shoulder, especially on momentum, and run fast as hell out of there.

Then he was tossed into his speeder (how'd they get in there and how did they start it?), where Gloss was in the driver's seat, Finnick was shotgun, and Brutus had settled himself comfortably with him in the back. The speeder was quickly started and then they shot forward, out of the parking lot and into the air.

"Man, you've got some wheels," Gloss complimented.

"I want a speeder. How come I can't get one, whenever I apply for one?" Finnick almost started to pout.

Seneca inwardly rolled his eyes. "Other than the utter chaos you'd probably cause with one, and they thought better of it? Speeders are for high-ranking officials only, so the air's not crowded with vehicles. Get a car."

"I tried that too. They wouldn't let me get a car here," Finnick definitely had the beginnings of a pout now.

"Because you're not a Capitol citizen in high, and I mean high, society. The bullet train is for everyone else," Seneca almost smirked at the full-on pout Finnick was sporting. "Now what the hell are you all doing, where are you taking me, and how did you get in and start my car?"

"We're hijacking you for a bit, taking you somewhere secret, and Gloss tricked your lock and then hotwired the speeder. Who knew he could do that?" Finnick shrugged.

A smirk briefly flitted across Gloss' face.

"Katniss knows," Brutus suddenly said, interrupting. "She knows everything about us, probably the only one."

It was quiet in the car.

"How _is_ that?" Finnick blinked in realization, thinking about it.

Brutus shrugged. "You know we always somehow end up telling her everything and anything. It's easy talking to her, comfortable. We just start talking."

"And who knows just how much blackmail material she now has on all of you?" Seneca interjected with a grin.

They all shivered. Serves them right, kidnapping him and now taking him to some unknown place.

Gloss quickly found the spot, parking on the roof lot, and then they were dragging him to an elevator. As soon as they were in there, Seneca inwardly began plotting escape plans and cataloguing plausible exits. However, as soon as he was well on his way to exit clause number 54, the elevator doors open and Seneca had to blink several times at what he saw.

"What the hell?"

"Oops, wrong floor," Finnick chuckled nervously, closing the doors and pressing another button.

Seneca wasn't sure if he could wipe the images of various unusual sex toys littered all around the store from his mind. He was starting to think he'd have to get permanently drunk whenever he even suspected the victors would be coming over to harass him and Katniss, if it weren't for the fact he wouldn't be able to be sober and happy with Katniss otherwise.

"Where the hell are we anyways and what do you idiots want?" Seneca asked irritably.

"We, my good man, are going to get you a new wardrobe for tonight," Brutus announced, and then all three smirked at him.

The smirks boded ill will in Seneca's head.

And he felt he was justified in worrying when they finally reached the correct floor and the three men dragged him into a leather clothing store, filled with various styles of clothes made with simply or mostly leather.

"I'm not wearing leather," he deadpanned, looking at them with a 'are you serious?' look.

Gloss sighed dramatically, shifting on his feet and examining his nails.

"So you don't want to wear leather pants and show off your ass for Katniss?"

Ignoring the crude words, Seneca's mind immediately flew into overdrive, imagining the scenario and weighing the benefits and cons at the same time as he dreamily imagined Katniss flushing a delicious red and admiring him, eyes eagerly eying him with the same want he's been harboring for her since forever. He slightly blushed at the enactment in his head, and also of the idea of wearing leather pants for Katniss in the first place, and that she might like him in it…

He seriously started to reconsider the idea.

"Here, go try them on," Finnick handed over a pair and pushed him towards the dressing room. "You know what? I want a pair of leather pants too!"

The District 4 victor grinned and decided to shop around, looking for a pair he would like. Seneca and the others ignored him. Gloss, on the other hand, immediately started walking around naturally, casually shopping for leather clothing without any qualms, as if it was something he'd done before or was used to. And considering him, leather probably _was_ a common addition to the man's wardrobe…

Brutus just sighed and grabbed a magazine, finding a chair and sitting down to wait and busy himself. He did, however, catch the leather pants Finnick tossed his way from halfway across the store and set it aside. He idly checked the size briefly and found it correctly his, and then he went back to browsing the magazine.

Half an hour and they were set to go, though they'd had to wait the last ten minutes for Gloss, who had been meticulously scouring the racks for the perfect pants with a criticizing eye until he found "the one".

And just when he thought it was over, Seneca found himself being dragged to a regular clothes department next, in which they kept shoving different shirts to go with the pants.

"Why can't I just wear my regular dress shirt?" he withheld his sigh.

They looked at him with the 'are you an idiot?' look before Gloss scoffed and ruffled his blond hair messily.

"Seneca," Gloss started with a rather condescending tone. "Tonight is supposed to be _special_. You have to make it special, by not doing or _wearing_ the usual stuff. Therefore, your usual clothing won't cut it tonight. Now Finnick, ignoring Brutus who has no fashion sense whatsoever, I was thinking this shade of blue would bring out his eyes rather nicely, don't you think?" he turned to Finnick, dismissing and also ignoring Seneca after that.

"It is nice. I like it…though we could always go for gray, so that he matches Katniss' eyes instead," Finnick hmmed in thought, narrowing his eyes in scrutiny at the dress shirt Gloss held up.

Brutus clapped a hand on Seneca's back in sympathy. "Just go with it. They're relentless and will ignore you. And, believe it or not, they actually like your style and think you're rather fashionable. But right now, they're dead set on dressing you up for Katniss for tonight."

"But what's tonight?" Seneca furrowed his eyebrows.

Had he missed something? He didn't think there was something special about that day/night, or that it was an important date. If it had been important to Katniss, he would have made special note of it and remembered.

"Your bachelor party, of course."

And Seneca cursed out loud and decided he was doomed from the moment he stepped out of his office that day.

He forced them to stop over his office, where he grabbed a bottle of chardonnay he'd been saving, and took a swig straight out of the bottle, ignoring the loud whistles from the victors he was surrounded with.

By the time they reached Seneca's shared home with Katniss, the sun was starting to set and Seneca was hammered. Somewhere along the way, somehow the victors had managed to secure their own stash of alcohol and were merrily drunk.

"Hey, hey! The party starts now!" Finnick snickered. "Here," he shoved a piece of paper at Seneca.

The Head Gamemaker blinked blearily at it. "Wha iz it?"

"A list of things for you to do! We're playing Checklists! Well –you are. We're just going to be witnesses tonight."

Seneca groaned, not struggling as they pulled him out of the speeder and inside the house. He glanced at the list again, actually reading it this time, and twitched.

_1\. Get an item of girl's underwear.  
_ _2\. Get 7 candles and a match.  
_ _3\. Get a bottle of lotion.  
_ _4\. Find a black, medium-sized unmarked box in the foyer.  
_ _5\. Get 10 signatures on your arm (though you can't look at it until 11 o'clock).  
_ _6\. Make out with your hand in front of Katniss.  
_ _7\. Drink a can of beer in a minute and then forehead crush it.  
_ _8\. Walk around pantless until the game is over.  
_ _9\. Dance with two women at once (Katniss can't be one of them).  
_ _10\. Get a girl's number on your body.  
_ _11\. Kiss a woman in uniform.  
_ _12\. Do the YMCA dance and song with a group of people._

Seneca was tempted to just rip the paper up into a million little pieces.

However, he ended up going along with it. The first item on the list was easy, as was number 8. He chucked off his pants and threw it to the side somewhere, heading off to his and Katniss' room afterwards.

"Where are you going?" Gloss asked, stumbling over a step.

He'd forgotten the victors were trailing after him.

"Getting a 'girl's underwear.' You never said I couldn't use Katniss' for that one," Seneca said blandly, navigating around easily despite being drunk.

They all groaned, glaring at his back.

"So easy," Finnick muttered.

"But we get to see one of Katniss' underwear," Brutus' face turned red and he grinned goofily.

The three victors all grinned goofily together and giggled disturbingly, but Seneca simply ignored them. It was safer for his sanity. In the room, he went to the dresser and rummaged around.

"Hey, how do you know your way around Katniss' room so easily? I now know you live here, but I didn't think you'd be so familiar with her room?" Finnick asked curiously.

"Because it's my room too. I share a room with her," Seneca answered indifferently, finding a pair he could barely tolerate the others seeing and shoving the drawer back in place, panty in hand. He turned back to the victors, just to face them looking back at him dumbfounded.

"You two…sleep together?" Brutus asked faintly.

Seneca raised an eyebrow. "Yeah, since probably the first time I proposed. Consistently at least. Before that, we shared a room occasionally when I was sleeping over, since I found out about her 'dates.'"

"Since the _first_ time you proposed?" Finnick caught that, gaping.

"Old hat that. Not any of your business," he dismissed them, heading out and snatching a bottle of lotion on the way. Might as well try to get this over as fast as he could.

He also ignored the following cat calls and wolf whistles the victors erupted into afterwards.

Seneca tried to get the easier ones done first, heading to the kitchen and grabbing a can of beer. He drank it down with ease, finishing before the minute was over, and then heading over to Brutus. With a straight face, he slammed the flat of the can against the older man's forehead and crushed it.

"Hey! What was that for?" Brutus held his forehead, almost starting to pout.

"For being a kidnapper and willingly dragging me to my doom. Besides, none of you said I had to crush the can against _my_ forehead," and then Seneca left them to hurry on to another thing, easily finding the box of matches and candles in another drawer in the kitchen, kept there for emergencies, on his way out.

"Dude, that man is _smart_ ," Finnick muttered to the others. "He catches everything; nothing gets by him."

"It's so _unfair_ ," Gloss glared at the space Seneca had just been.

Brutus just moaned and was fully pouting by then.

By the time they'd caught up to him, Seneca had managed to find the black box and get the 10 signatures.

"Wait, wait –how'd you already get all those signatures?" Brutus' eyes bugged out.

Seneca shrugged. "The peacekeepers outside were very cooperative."

 _Damn it_.

"Where are the girls?" Seneca asked inquisitively.

Gloss blinked rapidly, trying to get his mind to catch up. "Uh…they're having Katniss' bachelorette party. I think they're in another room in the house."

"Lead the way," and the shark smile on the Head Gamemaker's face had them nervous.

Finally finding the room, seeing the door practically vibrating outside from the music inside and they vaguely hearing it, they barged in to see the girls line-dancing to the _Macarena_ song.

"I thought you guys were doing Checklists," Gloss directed drunkenly to his sister.

"We did. We finished awhile ago," the blonde smirked mischievously.

The song changed to _YMCA_ and Seneca neatly slid into place beside the girls and joined them for the song. Finnick shrieked and pointed crazily at Seneca.

"That man! Damn it, he has the Devil's Luck! He has to! _No one_ can have such natural good luck and have things go so easily their way!"

"Calm down, Finnick. It's all right," Brutus soothed, trying to calm the hysterical man.

"But it's unfair! How does these things happen to him?" Gloss stared in shock at the scene.

Seneca twirled Annie to the right and then did a fancy side step, still choosing to ignore the male victors.

"Seneca, don't break them just yet," Katniss said in amusement, passing by him and patting his arm exasperatedly.

"I'll try," he told her wryly.

And then he was pulling Cashmere and Annie into a line-up, dancing with them to YMCA and then inevitably turning into a vaguely and briefly dirty threesome dance that Katniss laughed at and the three male victors groaned at.

How do you dirty dance to YMCA?

"That's another check," Finnick twitched, seeing Seneca fulfill the YMCA dance at the same time having to dance with two women at the same time (not only counting them into the YMCA dance but also even turning into a dirty dance).

"Katniss, my dear, switch into this, won't you?" Seneca purred, tossing the bag the other males saw earlier but hadn't known what was in it. "That said, Annie, be a sweetheart and write your number on my arm; we've been meaning to get it from you so that Katniss could call."

"Life. Is. Unfair," Gloss twitched.

"He's just knocking them out one after the other," Brutus said in awe.

And then Katniss returned, wearing the top of a peacekeeper's uniform only.

"Fuck it all, that's what was in the white bag Seneca tossed to her," Finnick cursed, openly admiring the man's luck and manipulations. "He's good, he is."

Without further ado, Seneca strode up to Katniss and instead of kissing her like they all expected, he held up his hand and started to obscenely wrap his tongue around his index finger. Then he was pressing his mouth against his palm and licking it briefly and then his teeth was nipping at his wrist and then his tongue returned and traced circles around each finger pad and then his mouth was sucking on the tip of one –

"That is so dirty," Finnick muttered, jaw dropping and eyes unable to look away.

"Make out with his hand –psh, more like making love to it," Gloss glared at Finnick, who had been the one to add that dare to the list.

The girls were all raucously cheering and giggling, though Katniss was just staring in shock and fascination, face completely red. Then she was fulfilling the last dare for Seneca, leaping forward and latching her mouth onto his, in uniform and readily kissing him eagerly.

"Okay! That's it! This is supposed to be a bachelor and bachelorette party! That means, separate!" Cashmere hollered, tossing out first Gloss, then Finnick, and then giving a glare to Brutus, who docilely obeyed and sloped out. Seneca walked out gracefully, and before anyone could even direct their ire at him or order him around.

"Always has to have the 'last word', that man," Katniss rolled her eyes.

* * *

"All bachelor parties must have strippers," Gloss announced. "It's an unspoken rule."

"One, I don't want a stripper/dancer. Two, no one's supposed to know about the engagement, much less about Katniss and I," Seneca deadpanned.

"Easy," Finnick confidently said. "Since you're not allowed to bring anyone in, and we're having separate parties, _I'll_ give you a lap dance!"

"No thank you."

But Finnick ignored him, slapping a button on the stereo and dancing to a random song playing. Gloss face palmed.

"Perhaps we shouldn't have let him have those shots of tequila on the way back to this room," Brutus stated neutrally.

"You think?" Seneca asked sarcastically, before Finnick encroached in on his personal space and began dancing provocatively around him and absentmindedly swaying his hips to the music, and alternately head-banging his head. "Finnick, you're not my type. You're not even the right sex."

"You want me to call in my sister?" Gloss asked cheerily. "She'll do it instead, if you want."

"No. If anything, I don't want _anyone_ giving me a lap dance unless it's my fiancée," Seneca sighed in aggravation. "I'm not interested in seeing anyone doing anything like that, unless it's Katniss."

"We could always gatecrash their party again, and kidnapped Katniss and bring her here," Brutus suggested.

Gloss' eyes lit up and a smirk slowly traveled onto his face.

"No. I have a much better idea."

Only a little later, they were back in front of the door and had opened to see that the girls had had the same idea as them, providing that Cashmere was enjoying slinking around Katniss and embarrassing the poor girl as she rubbed up against her. Annie's loud whistles added to the chaos, especially when she decided to jump in and contribute to Katniss' embarrassment with the two's combined provocative dance around and up on her.

"Step aside, girls! Make some room!" Finnick announced.

The girls were about to jeer and throw them out again, with Katniss being the only one relieved at the interruption, when the guys stepped aside and Katniss choked on her own breath as she stared at their reveal of her fiancé, dressed in a fitting blue dress shirt and _tight leather pants_.

Her jaw dropped and her eyes widened.

As for him, his usual dress shirts were cut to his figure but this one was even more fitted. It was tight, but at least not skin tight. And the pants, while not circulation-cutting or uncomfortable (thank goodness), clung to his skin.

Taking a deep breath, he went to the stereo, punched a few buttons on the touch screen and then steeled himself on what he was about to do. And then he strode purposely towards Katniss, and forced her back onto her chair, shimmying his hips to the beat of the song. Ignoring the collective wolf whistles and cat calls around the room from all the victors, and Katniss just in shock, he swayed his hips and backed up, smirking darkly and lowering his eyes seductively.

Hearing her sucking her breath in sharply, he gave himself five points.

He had his hands go up to his shirt, fingers flitting up and down the column of buttons, before he stopped at the first and nimbly unbutton three. He dipped his hand in the opening he'd made, still watching Katniss closely (who, he was pleased to note, was intensely watching him). He teasingly caressed the hint of chest he'd revealed before moving up to his throat.

Lap dancing was all about showing off all your assets. Right.

 _Turn, Seneca_.

Keeping his gaze locked on Katniss and making sure her eyes didn't leave his, he blended turning into his dance, continually circling his hips and making sure to watch his arms so they didn't look awkward.

God, no one ever told him that lap dancing was actually work. Hell, he didn't even think he would ever be giving any one a lap dance in his life –ask him a year ago and he probably would have tossed you into the arena.

He turned again, though this time he didn't come full circle. Instead, he kept his back to Katniss while not looking away from her, and then bent slightly. Slightly touching an ankle, he slowly slid that hand up his leg and to his hip, before dancing his fingers around that area and slightly to the edge of his arse, before he slapped it full on.

 _Ouch_ –damn Gloss didn't tell him that an arse slap would hurt like hell with leather pants, the bastard…

Encouraged by the rather hungry look Katniss was now sporting ( _wow_ , he had _never_ seen Katniss look at him like _that_ before), he danced over to her and straddled the chair with her legs in between his legs, and her thighs literally cushioning his crotch.

Well, here goes nothing.

He grabbed onto the back of her chair and lifted himself slightly, moving to lean over her. He brushed his nose against her ear before placing a kiss behind it, and turned his head and rubbed his cheek against her lips. Then his tongue darted out and licked her lips, his lips then firmly touching her chin and dragging a trail downwards and stopping at the hollow at her collarbone. His tongue dipped again and he actually felt her shiver.

He perpetrated his actions while lightly grinding his groin to hers, and he was beyond pleased to feel her hands instinctively shoot out and unsteadily and unsurely grip his hips. Her hands stayed there, so he was sure that meant she didn't want him to stop and that she _actually wanted to touch him_. Or something along that vein. Whatever it was, he was taking whatever he could take.

So Seneca continued to dance, grind more like, on her lap with the occasional kiss and caress of his lips against her face and throat.

To finish off, recognizing the end of the song, he finally got off her and danced away, starting to unbutton the last of the buttons on his shirt. Then he gripped the edges and teased moving them apart, before shrugging off the shoulders, and kept the edges together so that the shirt hung off of him, practically halfway off if it weren't for him holding it together and his arms still through the sleeves. Seneca dropped his arms, the shirt immediately sliding off, before smoothly catching it before it fell to the floor. He flung it over his shoulder and swayed closer again, swinging the shirt over his head slowly once and then tossing it at Katniss.

The sounds of the others filtered again and he flushed red. Damn it all, he felt like he was exhibitioning and he was surrounded by a bunch of voyeuristic victors.

Cashmere whistled. "I bet Katniss _really_ enjoyed that."

Both Seneca and Katniss turned red that time.

* * *

The two of them were astonished when they found themselves in one of the extra rooms of the house, converted into…something else.

There was a small table there, the white cloth linen covered in red rose petals, with the bed in there similarly covered. Two plates were set on opposite sides of the table, deliciously filled with various dessert-like items to eat. Seneca saw the seven candles he'd gotten, all set around the room and lit up, along with several others. He guessed the others had been part of Katniss' Checklist list.

The others had probably taken turns setting this up during their "so-called" bathroom breaks they kept having earlier, when doing the Checklists. Really, he and Katniss had easily bought it, what with all the alcohol the others kept consuming…

"If a few of the dares on the lists were to help get the stuff for this, what was all the other dares for?" Seneca asked.

Finnick grinned. "To mess with you guys."

The couple twitched, hands itching to grab something and throw it at certain people.

"So I guess dessert is dinner tonight then?" Katniss raised an eyebrow at them.

"Nah, that stuff is dinner. Dessert is each other~" Cashmere sign-songed and then fled out the door with the others, door slamming shut behind them.

"They're so lucky," Seneca glowered, though he and Katniss were blushing heavily at the comment.

"Let's just enjoy," she tugged at his sleeve, having sloppily put his dress shirt back on before the victors had led them there.

They sat in their respective seats and enjoyed the dessert, talking as easily as they usually did, but feeling incredibly relaxed and worry-free for once. One small plate caught Katniss' eye and she dragged it over, seeing a small cup in the middle of it, filled with different flavored chocolate mousse, and the words "Well Wishes!" written around the rim of the plate. Smiling fondly, she took her spoon and dug in, surprised to hear a small clink! when she did so. Digging more with her spoon, she fished whatever it was out and was surprised to see her ring in the middle of her spoon.

"Oh! No wonder Cashmere wanted me to keep my ring off for the day –that sneaky woman," Katniss couldn't help grinning widely, grabbing her napkin and cleaning off her ring. "The others are crazy, but…"

"…they're good friends," Seneca finished off quietly, grabbing onto her hands and stilling them.

He took the now clean ring from her and slid it onto her finger and she watched intensely. Then they were looking up and into each other's eyes, he not yet having let go of her hands, and were leaning over the table and off their seats as their lips touched.

This…this moment was just perfect; it was the kind of moment she wanted to have for life.

She couldn't imagine or remember feeling any more alive than having been with Seneca.

When they moved away, they were grinning softly at each other, happy to have one night where they actually could feel carefree. It felt so refreshing and rejuvenated them in a way, especially after everything.

Seneca spotted the black parcel he had to find earlier and grabbed it.

"I wonder what's in here? I suppose now's the time to find out," he mused, starting to open it.

He twitched again and slammed the lid closed, feeling rather murderous once more. Amused and curious, Katniss managed to sneak over and snatch the box away, looking in before Seneca could stop her.

She slowly closed the lid again, gingerly putting it on the table and pushing it away from her, taking care to make sure to not touch the box as much as she could.

"I'm going to kill them," he muttered.

"Never mind them," Katniss said, tossing something his way.

He blinked and looked at the object, seeing the bottle of lotion he'd had to grab earlier. He looked back up to see Katniss watching him with hooded eyes, a slight smirk playing across her lips.

"Why don't you give me an actual _strip tease_ out of those leather pants and a massage? I haven't had one of your massages for awhile and I really miss them," her smirk widened at that.

The box of sex toys were forgotten until they would remember, and end up trying to kill the others later on.

Started 5/11/12 –Completed 5/31/12


	13. Interlude: Scary Moments

_**Horror Movie:** _

Typically, when they went looking to watch a movie while curled up under a blanket on a Friday night, they usually didn't choose to watch a horror movie. They also usually didn't have guests.

"Brutus…why exactly are you here? And so late?" Seneca raised an eyebrow at the victor.

Katniss just ignored the both of them, setting up their things so they wouldn't have to go continuously to the kitchen. There was a bowl of chips, an extra bag of chips to refill, finger sandwiches, and a pitcher of iced water to refill their glasses.

"Well, I wanted to visit. And then I found out you guys were gonna watch a movie, so I wanted to stay longer and even join you guys!"

And by Brutus' beaming face, Seneca could see that the other man saw absolutely nothing wrong in that.

They also didn't usually choose horror movies, and Brutus had the luck to decide to join them when they decided to watch a classic – _The Exorcist_. All three of them settled down on the couch, with Katniss in the middle, and the movie was turned on.

It started okay, normal and nothing going on. Then the strange occurrences started to happen. When it was only just stuff about weird noises and happenings in the attic, Brutus was just jumpy. Then the small talk of an Ouija board had him whimpering, and probably recalling his own experience with one. When flashes of the demon started showing up and the girl started to act strange and pee on herself, Brutus' hand shot out and grabbed hold of Katniss'.

Now, Seneca wasn't going to be easily jealous. He _knew_ how Brutus was like with occult stuff now, and that it really freaked him out.

But when the really freaky stuff started happening...

When the girl crawled down the stairs like a spider, he'd turned sideways and clutched onto Katniss completely, staring wide-eyed at the screen. And when the girl's head turned 360 degrees…Brutus screamed, scrambled in place on the couch and practically over Katniss, with his arm shooting out and snagging Seneca around the neck as he hauled him closer to he and Katniss, and had clamped onto them both.

After the movie was over, Brutus ran to the bathroom and threw up (much like the people who'd watched in theaters in history), whimpering and pleading to stay over when he was finished. They relented, though they didn't expect Brutus to sleep at the foot of their bed like a dog. They didn't have the heart to kick him out.

"Well, at least he'll be too out of it to realize we sleep in the same room," Seneca muttered.

Katniss rolled her eyes. "He probably thinks we're too scared to sleep alone, like him."

_**Ghost Stories:** _

"Now _this_ is the legend of Jack Sparrow –" Cashmere smacked Finnick upside the head.

"Wrong story, idiot."

Finnick grinned sheepishly. "I know. I don't actually know any Capitol ghost stories…"

Katniss was disappointed. She'd actually been looking forward to hearing some.

"What about you, Seneca? You're the actual Capitol citizen here. Born and bred too," Gloss called him out.

Seneca shrugged. "It wasn't one of the things I looked into or was interested in."

"Aw man, I guess we'll all have to do some research so we can have something for next time," Finnick practically pouted.

Brutus looked mildly pleased and relieved, but they all ignored it for his sake.

"What about you, Katniss? Do you know any ghost stories from District 12?" Annie asked curiously.

Katniss blinked in surprise, but thought about it seriously. "Well, I guess I have one. Are you guys familiar with the folklore song _The Hanging Tree_ from my district?" When she saw everyone nod and say something along the lines of 'vaguely' (though Seneca had tensed at the same time as he looked confused), she continued. "It's based off a legend. A long time ago, near the time after the war, a soldier fell in love with a woman from District 12. Knowing he couldn't be free to be with her, not so soon because of the war, he allowed himself to be assumed dead by his military and made up a new identity so that he could live with her happily.

"However, he was eventually found out. Marked as a deserter, prison time would be all they could give him on that. So they lied and said he'd murdered three men at a certain tree, saying they'd found out the truth about him and there he killed them to keep it secret. At that same tree, they executed him by hanging. That tree is now known as The Hanging Tree.

"As legend has it, the woman he loved was forced to watch. Afterwards, she started to hear whispers. They weren't inaudible at first. Just faint whispers…And then they started becoming louder, though she still couldn't understand the words being said. The floorboards in her home started to creak at night. The curtains moved, even when there would be no breeze. She could hear footsteps pacing outside her bedroom door. And it was always midnight when these things occurred.

"Desperate and thinking it might be her lover from beyond, the woman went to The Hanging Tree, where she finally heard what the whispers were saying. It was her lover's voice, telling her to flee from the Capitol's hold, to flee the now Capitol-molded life and to join him there. 'A life of Capitol rule over all will be torture. Death would be better.' These words are what the storytellers say greatly inspired the main lyrics of the infamous song, aside from the actual legend.

"'Run from that life and we'll both be free.' The legend ends with her quietly going through her day, before she was found the next day at The Hanging Tree having hung herself right next to where her lover's body had been hung. Late-nighters swore they'd seen her travel to the tree near midnight. Nowadays, people say if you visit The Hanging Tree at midnight, you can see the silhouette of the two lovers' hanging bodies as shadows on the ground."

Katniss ended her story and had to backtrack as she stared at her audience, who were all staring at her wide-eyed.

"Creepy…" Finnick shivered.

"I think it's romantic," Annie stated solemnly.

But it was Seneca's reaction that worried Katniss. He was looking at her in a mixture of sadness and pain.

_**Visiting a Horror Legend:** _

"Are we really going to District 12?" Katniss asked him in excitement.

Seneca nodded uncomfortably. "Yes. The others want to visit a 'haunted place' and try out a legend dare, and District 12's Hanging Tree was brought up and picked."

He wasn't going to mention that he'd purposely brought it up first in discussion, thinking she'd at least like to see her old home and knowing the other victors would pick it (with reasons varying from it being a new place, an actual ghost legend, and all boiling down to them all realizing that Katniss would like to come home for just a bit).

"It'll have to be at night though, Katniss," he brought up quietly.

Her face deflated and she nodded in understanding. "Right. The legend's dare is supposed to be at night anyways," she tried to play off her disappointment.

"We can still visit. It'll just have to be quick and you can't really talk to them. You'll at least be able to see them face to face, even if they're asleep, and see how they're doing, but I'm afraid with the time limit we have we can't do much else," he told her reluctantly.

But she still seemed a little happier after that.

They met the others at the metro train, with the conductor and train assistants quietly greeting them and then pretending they weren't there.

"It'll have to be an in and out trip," Finnick murmured. "So we won't be missed and get in trouble."

"We" being Katniss, and to a smaller degree Seneca.

"Psh. I wish I was as liked as Katniss," Cashmere pouted, glancing around. "It's nice that they're agreeing to keep quiet for this little trip though."

Talk after that was rather nonexistent as they just sat around and waited to reach their destination. Soon enough, it seemed, they had pulled into District 12.

"We're gonna split up, okay? You guys go to do your little dare, and Katniss and I have somewhere we have to be." And then Seneca was grabbing Katniss' hand and heading to the town, letting the victors find their own way.

"Lead the way?" he asked as he slowed down, allowing her to take the lead.

She moved up, still clutching his hand, and headed first to the Hawthorne's. There, she just glanced in from the inside and took stock of what she could see, though she disappeared for a bit before coming back to him. She took two more stops at some places he didn't recognize (though it looked like a bakery and a Peacekeeper Headquarters respectively), before she then was striding quickly to her home, easily opening the door with a hidden key and slipping inside.

"Welcome to my humble home," she muttered to him.

He squeezed her shoulder. "It's homely. I like it."

Her lips twitched fondly at that.

Her hand trailed across surfaces and she smiled sadly. He felt the urge to gather her in his arms, knowing this was hard for her.

"K-Katniss?"

They whirled around to face the entrance to the kitchen, seeing the one and only Primrose Everdeen standing there in shock and quickly growing tears.

"Prim?"

Suddenly, the two sisters raced towards each other and embraced each other tightly. After awhile, he reluctantly cleared his throat, knowing they didn't have much time. The sisters broke apart, with Prim looking at him in confusion and Katniss in understanding and pain.

"Prim," Katniss started out quietly. "This is Seneca Crane."

Prim's eyes widened. "The…the Head –"

"Yes, the Head Gamemaker. You see, Prim, he's been very kind to me and has been taking care of me in my…time in the Capitol," she gave her younger sister a pained smile, though she turned her smile to Seneca for a second and it lightened up.

Prim caught that. "I see. I understand, Katniss. And thank you, Mr. Crane. For everything you've done for her," her warm smile towards him caught him off guard, but pleased him immensely.

"Just Seneca, Miss Primrose. You're Katniss' sister, so I consider you…family."

"Then same here," and she surprised him again with a welcoming hug. She turned back to Katniss, who looked at her solemnly.

"Now, Prim. I want to make sure you take care of yourself. Mom will be fine on her own, so I want to be sure you do the same for yourself. Get Gale to help you out, never get tesserae, and ask Gale or even Darius to teach you to hunt, okay?"

Prim nodded. Soon enough, Katniss and Seneca had to hurry back.

On the train ride back to the Capitol, the two sat close to each other and stared out the window, holding hands that kept squeezing tighter every minute that passed.

_**Tea with President Snow:** _

The tea was lukewarm, but she hadn't felt like drinking it in the first place anyways.

"Would you like to know how Primrose is?" Snow murmured, staring at his rose garden with his hands folded behind his back.

"Yes, please. I would very much like that," Katniss also murmurs demurely, folding her hands daintily on her lap and blankly staring at her plateful of scones.

She knew she had to act slightly respectful to him and she tries to sometimes…but she'd rather gouge his eyes out with her nails, wrap her hands around his neck and just squeeze…

"…and I also hear she's gotten a job," she perked up at that, "at that bakery. You know –the one whose owners had just recently lost their son."

Katniss flinched but refused to rise to the bait, staying silent.

"You know, my dear, I consider you family now. Which is why you have your part in the coronation and your role in this whole scheme of things. I should introduce you to my family. My son should be here soon and you can always meet my granddaughter later."

She didn't say that she'd briefly met his granddaughter already.

"And here he is now," Snow smiled, but she couldn't sense or see any feeling to it.

She turned slightly to look at the newcomer who'd walked into the garden with barely audible footsteps, seeing a tall, average looking man (so strange, when the Capitol didn't seem to cater to the norm) with mousy brown hair that had gray hair littered in there, tired muddy brown eyes, and a slouching figure.

"Hello, Father," he muttered, gazing at Snow, though if Katniss looked closer, she could see his line of sight actually was slightly to the side of Snow's head.

She swallowed heavily. Not even family could stand that evil man…

"Blasius, my son," Snow greeted, stilted smile still on his face.

The younger Snow gave a nod to the president before looking over to her, a flicker of surprise running through his face before it went back to being deadened.

"Miss Everdeen, a pleasure," he spoke softly.

"Let's continue tea, shall we?" Snow's voice sounded cheerful but chilling somehow.

The males sat down with Katniss at the table that had been set up in the rose garden for this tea time, no more words being spoken. Snow ate calmly as he sipped at the Earl Grey tea in his cup, while the other two mechanically sat there, silent as ghosts and keeping their stares to the top of the table.

Katniss glanced up hesitantly at Snow's son, observing that he shook slightly as he occasionally reached out to politely drink his tea. Her own hands started to shake, and she felt her chest clench in pain.

If this was how he treated family…

" _You know, my dear, I consider you like family now."_

She was unable to hold back the sob that escaped her, but the other two didn't acknowledge or call her on it. She reached out and grabbed her tea and took a sip.

It tasted very cold.

_**War Escalation:** _

"You know, it's still hard to believe that you have this whole rebellion thing going on," Seneca muttered.

Plutarch Heavensbee gave him the hugest jovial smile.

"Well, I try to keep under the radar. Otherwise, the 'whole rebellion thing' wouldn't work out as well, would it?"

Seneca rolled his eyes, but examined the plans for the arena for the next Hunger Games.

"Any word on the Quarter Quell?" Plutarch asked him.

"No, not yet," Seneca frowned in frustration about it. Then he caught something else, narrowing his eyes at the force shield design. He hadn't noticed that flaw before… "Plutarch, look here. See the force field? There's a chink right around this area…"

Plutarch's eyebrows flew up and he leaned closer, scrutinizing where Seneca was pointing at.

"My, my. Now isn't that something. Stupid how none of us have caught that before –we should leave it alone. It'll take too much notice to fix it now, while preparations are being prepared for it. Notice, money, and paperwork. None of which I really want to tell Snow about or have to deal with that man with it."

Seneca hummed an agreement. "How is the 'quiet riots'?"

"Working fabulously," Plutarch beamed at him. "Eleven, in particular, are doing very well in this regard. The non-perishable foods they make, they're squirreling away and making it out as if they're starting to have less food due to low labor and crops. Of course, that means the Capitol –ala Snow –demands their share in return. However, since they've been 'saving'…well, let's just say the amount to keep is larger than the output to us."

They share a small chuckle at that.

"There's Four as well. They're all gossiping like a bunch of heathens, spreading rumors and very helpful in pulling in others to the cause, whether within their own district or beyond. And the rumors they spread, some are so outrageous and hilariously conceived!" Plutarch barked out a loud laugh. "One is something about a conversion of the government to a monarchy! They're just coming up with wilder and crazier things by the minute."

Seneca laughed with him, though it died quickly. He shivered. "But do imagine. It would be a really horrible scenario. Good thing it's just a wild rumor."

Plutarch became suddenly nervous. "Look, Seneca, this is probably very forward, but…you should talk more with Katniss about her role as the Mockingjay. A lot of people are eager to see her and want her to be a main force in this."

"I'll…speak with her about the whole Mockingjay after the wedding. We've been slammed with so many stuff, that it's been hard to adjust and get things straight. She's only just managed to find out about being the Mockingjay not too long ago."

Plutarch nodded. "I understand. I'm only asking because…some districts are becoming a little too aggressive. Twelve in particular."

Seneca grimaced in understanding.

"District 12 are becoming restless, and even slightly high-strung," Plutarch explained quietly. "There's…there's talk that they're storing weapons without orders, and maybe some renegade cell groups making outside plans. I don't know what they're planning or even if it's true…but I'm getting worried that District 12 will get rash."

"Maybe we should find a way to send a quiet message to them, try to calm them down," Seneca suggested, getting worried himself.

"That would be a miracle," Plutarch muttered. "And a life-saver."

Seneca sighed tiredly, gaze falling to the ground. He looked back up to the designs and tapped an area.

"Monkey mutts," his lips twitched fondly. "My fiancée suggested them. Came up with them rather."

Plutarch laughed quietly, happily taking the offer of a change of subject. "That would be something for the arena that the audience would enjoy."

They went quiet.

Plutarch clapped Seneca's shoulder comfortingly.

"Katniss always has come up with the most surprising and even enjoyable things, doesn't she?"

Seneca gave a half-smile at that. "Yes, she has…" His smile became a full grin. "I particularly liked when she shot an arrow at my head."

"At an apple," Plutarch shook his head, sharing his smile.

"Near my head."

They laughed full-heartedly at that, even more when they realized they'd just echoed Seneca's conversation with Snow about that event.

Started (typing) 8/10/12 – Completed 8/10/12


	14. Phobias V

_**Genophobia (fear of sexual intercourse):** _

The morning after the surprise (and yet it really shouldn't have been) bachelor party, the two are still sleeping in bed. Neither are too willing to get up and rather tired from the events of yesterday, and last night he managed to massage her into exhaustion (if such a thing were possible). He, on the other hand, had spent the entire night musing over their situation, as the bachelor/bachelorette parties had brought them into stark lighting.

Now he's tired as well, and he doesn't want to get up to go to work. He would much rather stay wrapped around Katniss, holding onto her and probably go back to sleep.

"Call in to work," she murmurs, cutting into his thoughts and echoing them at the same time.

"Should I?" he asks her in amusement.

She huffs and turns around in his arms to face him, looking up blearily at him.

"Why not? You work too much. I kind of want to just laze around in bed today," she snuggles into his chest, trying to repress a yawn.

"That does sound nice," he hmmed, thinking about it. He has plenty of sick days. He's never used one of them. Today, though, might seem like a good time to use one…

He's shocked out of his internal debate, when he feels a tentative lick to his collarbone and he jerks back away from Katniss to stare at her wide-eyed. Her face is flushed in embarrassment and she's not looking at him.

"K-Katniss?"

But then she practically throws herself on top of him, catching him by surprise as she pushes him onto the bed and moves to straddle him, soft and very enticing kisses pressing against his neck and downwards as she moves lower.

But his mind clears from the haze full of lust he was drowning in, and he's gently pushing her away and moving her to sit beside him.

"Katniss…what's wrong?" he asks quietly, brushing a lock of hair that falls into her face and hiding part of it from his view.

She's visibly clenching her jaw and he runs his knuckles tenderly under it to try to comfort and calm her.

"I was just thinking…about the wedding…and the way we got together…and everything else…it's all been dictated by Snow. I just… _I want to be able to decide one important thing_. Damn it, I won't let him dictate the first time I have sex with you also –if there's one thing I can, if there's anything I won't let him take from me –I want to be with you on my own terms. Not his," she sounds frustrated and upset and he doesn't know what else to do but embrace her.

"God, it's not _fair_ ," she squeezes his torso tightly. "Everything is by his direction. I wish…I wish I could have fallen in love with you normally," she mutters into his neck and he nuzzles the top of her head affectionately.

"I know. Me too," he tells her back. "But I'm just glad I was able to love you at all."

He tentatively moves back so he could look her in the eye, grabbing hold of her hands and clutching onto them reassuringly.

"But we can't, Katniss. We shouldn't do it, not like this. In the end, you'll be doing it with me because of Snow anyways –because you don't want him to make the decision but you're making the decision based on him either way. I promise I'll make love to you, Katniss. But not like this, not right now. Not because of that."

She swallows heavily and throws herself at him again, only this time to hold onto him tightly. She doesn't cry and she's very quiet, but she has a vice grip on him and her head is buried into his chest and she won't show her face.

Today seems to be a _perfect_ day to call in sick.

_**Glossophobia (fear of speaking in public or trying to speak):** _

Katniss is glaring at the wall and he averts his eyes, busying his hands with making coffee. He putters around the kitchen, trying to find menial tasks for himself to do, and the two of them just don't talk or acknowledge each other.

"What are we going to say?" she finally asks quietly, startling him from where he was standing, trying to put away dishes from the dishwasher.

He looks at her, opens his mouth, and then shuts it. He raises a hand to his forehead and rubs it slowly.

"He wants us to make an announcement that we're getting married. So we just announce our engagement. The less information, the best. We'll…we'll make a public announcement on screens, and then Snow expects us to do an interview with Caesar," Seneca feels sick and can feel himself shaking.

"Never mind how terrified I am of having to speak to everyone –you know I'm horrible at speaking to people in general when they're in front of me, so how am I going to handle doing a broadcast to everyone? But…but what about everyone's reactions back home? Gale's gonna flip his lid. He's never been too cozy with the Capitol, but he'll do something too far this time, I know it. And Prim, she doesn't quite know the truth about us. And the rest of the district. And shit," Katniss actually cursed, "what about that rebellion you were talking about?"

Seneca puts the plate he was holding back into the shelf of the dishwasher and walks towards her, feeling like his legs were like lead and he was dragging them towards her.

"I'm not too thrilled with having to do this announcement either," he admits and she looks at him in surprise. "But I hope you'll at least speak quite a bit for it. At least for my sake."

When she looks at him questioningly, he takes a heavy breath and sits down across from her.

"If I do most of the talking, it'll probably give credence to the theory that you don't want this and that you're being forced and chained to me, sweetheart. And you know…I kind of don't fancy being assassinated before I got to actually marry you," he jokes weakly.

She clutches onto his arm, closing her eyes tightly.

"I want to kill him. Would you go and report me for making death threats against Snow and possibly going through with them?" she jokes just as weakly as he did at the end.

He snorts and gives an exhausted, world weary sort of laugh. "No. In fact, I think I'd join you."

She laughs a little bit more energetically at that before quieting.

"I think I'm going to be sick."

"Me too," but he helps her up and supports her as he helps her to the bathroom, where he holds her hair back as she heaves and eventually throws up into the toilet.

_**Haphephobia (fear of being touched):** _

"We would like to announce our happy engagement to all of Panem," Seneca has a cool smile on his face, and she's reminded more of the time she knew him only as the Head Gamemaker than ever.

She wants to hurry and go back home so she can have _her_ Seneca back.

She feels like she's suffocating. The bright lights and cameras are bearing down on her and she could only smile nervously and look around. She wants to speak and make it look as real as it actually is (Would someone actually assassinate Seneca? She can't bear that thought and it's starting to make her sick). But Katniss…can't. No words would form, she couldn't make her face look happier than it's already been made to look, and she can't even move.

' _I'm so sorry, Seneca.'_

It isn't even her fear of speaking in public or to others that was preventing her from speaking. She's just genuinely floundering and lost in the action, not understanding her role right then or what she is supposed to do or what to say.

Her mind whirls and she remembers a conversation she just recently had with Finnick.

" _You know, you can be pretty blunt sometimes, Katniss," Finnick chuckles._

_She feels a bit sheepish at that, knowing it was true._

" _But you know what? You should stay that honest. Too few people prefer or are willing to say the truth in these times. That and people just like that about you, Babydoll," he shakes his head in amusement. "Even when people usually think that such a trait is too abrasive in others, or when **you** are so blunt to the point of rude, there's just something in the way you say it or just about you that makes people like you anyways –despite or even because of that._

" _Stay honest, Katniss. Stay true to yourself."_

When things seem to be winding down and the press conference seems to be ending, she takes an audible breath that echoes because of the microphone and steps up closer to speak into it, drawing everyone's attention back to her. She can see from her side that Seneca is looking at her in question, but she has to do this.

"Sorry for being so quiet," she smiles awkwardly. "If people here don't know already…I really dislike speaking in public. It's alright I suppose in gatherings, but this kind of thing especially makes me want to hide somewhere instead."

There is a ripple of laughter through the crowd and she takes that as incentive that she's doing this right so far, and encouragement to keep going on.

"You see, I didn't want to just leave here without saying at least something. This event _is_ important to me and I feel a little stupid having stood here the entire time in a daze," there were calls of encouragement and her lips twitches upwards reluctantly for this crowd full of strange people she had never thought she'd understand.

"Seneca has been supportive and very caring to me in this transition in my new life in the Capitol. Without him, I would still feel very lost and uncertain. I don't think I can imagine a life without him," her face is entirely red and she's embarrassed to be admitting all this aloud and to the whole world (and she really can't look at Seneca right now), but she's starting to feel more comfortable confessing all this.

"You see, I'm looking forward to this wedding and sharing it all with you. And I'll probably be even more nervous about it than I am right now. But I hope you all will just be nervous with me, and we can just be a bunch of nervous wrecks together, right?" Her awkward smile returns and she shrugs helplessly at the audience.

Another wave of laughter greets her because of her gestures, but the crowd enthusiastically cheers her on and she hears promises of sticking with her and being just as nervous.

It's kind of endearing.

Afterwards, as the two quietly head towards their ride to where they would head over to Caesar Flickerman's stage, they stop short when President Snow steps in front of them.

The good mood the two were in instantly vanishes and the hands the two have clasped are tightening to a painful grip. Seneca's high from Katniss' speech deflates, and her prideful feelings of having actually done it and relief that she did and that Seneca could be a little safer fade.

He clasps a hand heavily to her shoulder and smiles coldly.

She wants to scream and fling his hand off of her. His touch feels disgusting, running like oil over her shoulder, even though it's clothed. It feels heavy and chaining her down, and all she wants is his hand _off_.

"Good job, Miss Everdeen. That was very believable," she could feel Seneca's questioning eyes, but she squeezes their tightly gripped hands to signal she'd tell him later. "Continue the impeccable performance, won't you? Good day, you two. Head over to Caesar's now."

She waits until he's completely out of view, before sagging against Seneca exhaustedly and never letting go of his hand.

_**Hemophobia (fear of blood):** _

She's been listless. Ever since that confrontation with Snow, he sees her moving through the house like some restless ghost, unable to stay still or be at peace. She stares out the window blankly or she'll curl up on the couch and stare vacantly in whatever direction she's kept her head in.

It was like she has regressed back to the Katniss straight after the games. Like all the progress he's made with her, all the time she had helping to heal her –it's disappeared and it's like from scratch.

It scares him. It scares him so bad, he stays up at night and thinks thoughts that are in chaos, holding her as he stares at the ceiling. It scares him so much, that he sits at work and feels like he hadn't ever left home because his mind and thoughts are all on her. He's so scared that he contemplates barricading himself and Katniss in their home and never coming out and facing the world again.

He feels like he's been proven right to this, when he comes home and sees Katniss in the kitchen, frozen with a knife hovering above the cutting board, and seems like she's staring at it. He worriedly hurries closer and he glimpses her slightly bloodied hand in the area that he guesses where she's staring at, and he's even more worried now because of the wound and about fixing it up. He comes to right behind her and places a hand on her shoulder gently, and she catches him by surprise as she whirls around suddenly and slashes at him with the knife. He narrowly avoids it, though he does end up with a small cut on his cheek. He firmly but not roughly takes the armed hand and grabs hold, using the other to grab Katniss' face and force her to look at him.

"It's me, Katniss. It's me," he tries to keep the grief out of his voice as he reassures her.

Her eyes are dilated but slowly return to normal, and she starts shaking as she regains awareness and looks at him. Her hand drops the knife and a second later she starts to slide to her knees, and he follows her at the same time. She breaks into sobs and he holds her quietly, offering silent comfort.

Both of them had thought they were done with these traumatic flashbacks –things seemed better. They both realize they're wrong, and things might never completely be better, or those flashbacks or anxiety and panic attacks will never just go all away.

Seneca takes her to the sink, washes away the blood, disinfects the wound and rubs medicine on it so it'll go away and never be seen again (they know it'll be there and they'll always remember no matter the disappearing wound that leaves no visible scar but is still very much seen). She grabs onto his shoulder to prevent him from moving away, and takes a small dab of the medicine and wipes it across his injured cheek, refusing to look at him. He sees her teary eyes and he reaches over to embrace her again, and she cries into his neck.

After awhile, he takes her to their room and they go to bed early, even though they stay wide awake holding each other and staying silent.

Seneca wishes he can go back and do things all over –somehow prevent Katniss from ever coming near the Hunger Games, even if it meant that he would never get to meet her, get the chance to love her or have her in his life. She would live in District 12, maybe marry an alive Peeta, or even that Gale or any other male in her district. She would marry and love and have kids with someone that wasn't him. But it was okay because she would be happy, or at least content.

And she would never have to be suffering like this.

_**Hypnophbia (fear of sleep):** _

She has horrible nightmares that night, when they finally fall asleep. She wakes up, screams in terror, and has trouble falling back to sleep. Every time she does, she ends up waking up in terror again. So they both say to hell with it and travel back to the kitchen, hours later after they tried to go to sleep the first time. They sit at the table, drinking coffee and looking at anywhere but each other.

"I can't sleep. I don't want to sleep."

He forces himself to look up and to look at her, and he sees her red eyes and her chest starting to heave.

"I'm afraid to go back to sleep," she admits to him.

He swallows heavily and looks to their medicine cabinet, thinking about the sleeping aids he could offer her and think of all the things he can give her to help her sleep –then thinks _oh God he can't and she'll get dependent and he doesn't want that even though it's not positive but it still could happen and he's scared and doesn't know what to do and he justcan'tdothattoher_ –and he forces his eyes away and stares at the table before looking back at her.

He reaches across the table and grabs her hand.

"Then I just won't sleep either and we'll stay up together, for as long as you need."

The implied meaning of the indefinite sentence of not just that night but who knows is comforting to her.

_**Lupophobia (fear of wolves):** _

Seneca hopes that the party they attend will help keep them awake. They've been awake longer than they should, he knows, and he's worried –but she's still afraid and he can't deny her this. They drink coffee, even at the party, and they ignore some stares that come with that.

Her fingers start jittery taps on their table and his legs are jerkily bouncing up and down underneath it.

They've been awake for 7 days, 3 hours, and 15 minutes.

The longest anyone's ever stayed awake has been 18 days and 17 hours, 11 days without any stimulants. Their time is winding down and he's afraid what would happen next and what he's going to do.

He realizes he's drifted off and shakes his head, trying to become more aware. The next thing he knows, Katniss somehow now has his cup of coffee and is drinking it, with her own completely already drained. He tiredly hails down a server and asks for a refill, drifting off soon after.

A loud growl interrupts his exhausted mind and he looks up and blearily sees a wolf mutt being brought in by…someone. He can't really recognize anything or anyone at this point (except aside from Katniss obviously) and he thinks he's dreaming seeing this muttation right now, when it's not the arena.

Then he remembers that some of the more eccentric and highly rich citizens of the Capitol like to buy "souvenirs" from the games, and he inwardly groans. His hand fumbles around the table to grab his coffee cup back, and thinks he's going to throw it at the mutt or the owner or just someone (whether or not this is or this isn't a dream). Instead, his hand touches Katniss' and he lethargically looks over at her and sees her trembling, staring wide-eyed at the wolf mutt.

Katniss suddenly gets up and brings attention to herself. Everyone is staring but neither care as Katniss stumbles away and Seneca clumsily follows after her. He finds her in the women's powder room, throwing up into the toilet, and he trips over to her side. He lovingly gathers up her hair and familiarly holds it behind her as she continues, nuzzling the nape of her neck and sleepily planting kisses there. She finishes, cries into his neck, and climbs onto his lap as he sits back and leans against the wall of the bathroom. He holds her as she cries and he blinks blankly –he absentmindedly rocks a little and his head lightly hits against the wall, but that's okay because the light pain wakes him up.

"Are you two –?"

And he automatically looks up, stares in the direction he thinks his friend is, and speaks in a monotone he's only mildly surprised at.

"Just go, Plutarch. Just go," he also sounds obviously tired.

Plutarch hesitates but leaves them behind. He can hear him speaking to the rest of the crowd before he tunes them out and goes back to being absentminded and rocking a vacant Katniss.

"Party's over, folks. Time to leave –"

He's exhausted and he's blanking out a lot and his body's aching and lagging (his mind more), but his Katniss needs him and she doesn'tcan'twon't sleep.

So he won't either.

Until death do us part, in sickness and in health, right? He hasn't said his vows yet, but he's committed himself to them and her from the moment he unconsciously did whatever he could to make sure she lived through the games.

_**Necrophobia (fear of death and/or the dead):** _

" _Katniss. Katniss, wake up."_

Katniss blearily opens her eyes, blinking in exhaustion as she realizes she and Seneca had fallen asleep. She looks to the direction of where she thought she heard someone calling to her and her heart feels like it's stopped.

It can't –it can't be.

But Peeta, Rue, Foxface, and even Clove, Glimmer, Marvel, and Cato are standing in front of her and staring unblinkingly in her direction.

" _Katniss."_

Peeta is smiling and she stares back uncomprehendingly.

" _Join us, Katniss."_

She screams and she starts to scramble on top of Seneca, trying to get as far away from the apparitions as she could.

She doesn't want to see them. She doesn't want them haunting her. In the back of her mind, she remembers that if you stay awake long enough you start to dream while you're awake –and that this is most probably a waking dream (nightmare, more like). Seneca's asleep, but she never did and now she's paying for it.

" _Join us."_

"No!" she screams, still scrambling in panic on Seneca's lap to get away from them. "No!"

She doesn't want to. She doesn't want to die. She doesn't want to leave Seneca behind. She doesn't want to be without him or imagine not being able to be with him.

The hold around her tightens and Seneca's murmuring into her ear.

"It's okay. I'm still here. Don't worry."

He wasn't asleep after all and maybe he'd been in a waking dream himself.

She's so tired of crying and she hates it, but her tear ducts don't want to listen to her and she starts to cry anyways.

Starts 8/9/12 – Completed 8/17/12


	15. Phobias VI

_**Nosocomephobia (fear of hospitals):** _

"Is everything alright here?" Plutarch bursts into the bathroom in a panic, and Seneca vaguely remembers that they were in Plutarch's home and that they'd probably had ruined the party.

Seneca apologizes for that, because it's only right.

Plutarch sighs heavily in exasperation. "Never mind that! Are you two alright? And what was that screaming about?"

"Nightmare," Katniss mutters, still hiding her face and trembling in Seneca's arms. That's all she says.

Seneca elaborates. "She's been having really bad nightmares. She must've had one right now."

The older man watches the two warily, before shaking his head. "So that would include you two depriving yourselves of sleep?"

"We aren't –" but the lie never finishes as Plutarch cuts him off.

"Seneca, you two were chugging down coffee at the party like you wouldn't be able to have it again. Everyone knows Katniss enough to know she doesn't care for coffee either. And that's never mind the fact you two were drinking it at all, at a party, at night. You two were jittery as hell, my friend. The way you two looked and acted set off red flags to everyone."

Seneca winces, but Katniss barely hears it. In fact, she seems to have slipped into a catatonic stupor and it worries the two men.

"Right now, I think the both of you should sleep the rest of the night away, and probably the rest of the day. I'll call in sick for Seneca," Plutarch strongly suggests.

Seneca is resistant, knowing Katniss wouldn't like it. So Plutarch sighs and scratches the back of his head helplessly.

"Alright, have some tea with me then. Tea's healthier than coffee anyways, and I think stronger. I got an agitated victor pacing my living room too, so it would be nice if you two could come and settle him down."

Seneca isn't sure who he's talking about, until they cross the living room and he sees Finnick angrily pacing the floor like an angry lion.

"Finnick, what are you doing here?" Katniss speaks, and surprises them. She'd been nearly unresponsive all the way there, clinging tightly to Seneca like a child.

Finnick's surprise wears off quickly. "I was at the party last night," he growls. "What the hell is wrong with you two? You had me worried. Goddammit, what the hell were you thinking? Sleep depriving yourselves –"

"How'd you know –"

"Seriously?" Finnick's pissed off. "It was pretty fucking obvious to everyone. They're not stupid. They've deprived themselves of sleep every once in a while for their stupid little parties to know the effects and what it looks like, and you two look like you had a major case of it."

They hadn't thought it had been that obvious. Still, neither have anything to say to that, especially as they knew it was true. Katniss is out of it anyways, but Seneca should have known better. He's been with that crowd and knew they tended to skip sleep every once and awhile –just never to the extreme the two were putting themselves through. At most, the party crowds didn't sleep a night or two, but never more than three. As much as they liked parties, they indulged in sleep too.

Seneca and Katniss missed that memo somewhere along the way, it seems.

Or at least, to Plutarch and Finnick's views, that seems to be the case. And their baleful glares directed towards the two speak volumes. Finnick is the one who makes the tea, while Plutarch makes another go at trying to convince them to try to sleep. But Katniss starts having an anxiety attack, muttering something about apparitions, Peeta, the dead coming to get her (in a way, it's sort of easy to come to conclusions what she's talking about), and Seneca simply takes her into his arms and it's his turn to glare at Plutarch.

Finnick returns with the tea but takes Katniss away, and the two victors settle off somewhere for a private chat, the two Gamemakers could guess. Seneca is refusing to look at his friend, stubbornly staring at his cup of tea and sipping it occasionally.

"Caius apologizes for his crudeness. He hadn't thought his actions through. He'd recently gotten the mutt and wanted to show off, and hadn't realized what such a thing would do to Katniss. He was very apologetic and wouldn't stop apologizing –or leave with everyone for that matter –until I reassured him I'd call him once I knew how you two were doing. But that can wait until light, of course. Though I did hear that he tried to return the mutt back straight after the party, which couldn't be done considering the late hour. But he was anxious and insistent, word was."

Seneca sighs and runs a hand through his hair tiredly. "Ah. I couldn't see who it was in the first place, much less recall the person, but it doesn't matter much to myself or Katniss. We're pretty much out of it anyways. The lack of sleep combined with the mutt just made it worse, I suppose."

"Seneca, I really must insist that the two of you sleep tonight," Plutarch says anxiously, clasping his hands tightly on top of the table in front of him. "It's not healthy, what you two are doing. I won't say that myself and quite a lot of the others haven't done something similar, but none of us have ever gone as far as you two. We're all quite worried about you and Katniss."

"We're f –"

"Yes, yes. You're fine," Plutarch finishes for him irritably. Then his face turns stoic. "We'll talk about this again in the morning. After your sleep."

"I told you –" This time, Seneca cuts himself off and looks at Plutarch blankly. Then he looks down at his empty cup of tea. His jaw clenches and then he looks back up at his friend. His vision had been getting blurry since the beginning of their talk. His eyes had been getting heavier and his body had been slowly starting to slump over.

"You drugged the tea."

"Yes."

Seneca starts to snarl out an answer when he basically passes out. Plutarch sighs and looks down on the slumped over body of his friend.

"Katniss okay?" he calls out.

"Asleep. I'll carry her to a spare room. I'll come get Seneca after, and place him in the same room," Finnick replies back.

Plutarch's eyebrows furrow. "In the same room?"

"Katniss probably sleeps better with him and they're comfortable with each other," Finnick's voice sounds closer and he's in the room soon enough, coming over to get Seneca. "It's a victor thing, so you wouldn't get it. Seneca knows now because of her," he shrugs nonchalantly. "Besides, they'll feel better, even in sleep, together. And waking up together."

Plutarch says nothing to any of that because he understands that's true, and he's pretty sure of those facts that he is never probably able to comprehend the victors as much as other victors and oddly enough of how Seneca Crane has somehow come to.

The two wait together for the morning and for their friends to wake up.

Katniss is the first to wake. She hyperventilates momentarily when she realizes that she had been asleep, but takes stock of her surroundings, of how refresh she is from just a single night of sleep, and that she remembers no nightmares. Seneca is by her side, still sleeping. His handsome face is drawn into an exhausted look and she feels regret and sorrow that her problems has cause him so much trouble and his health, though she can't help the gratefulness and relief that she has him and that he's been so loyal and dedicated to her.

Her hands lightly trace his intricate beard, remarking in her mind the first time she'd seen and had traced this beard with her eyes many times idly during training. Snares could only take up so much of her attention, and she'd been drawn to him and for some reason liked to trace over his features with her eyes. Even then, perhaps, she had known that this man was going to become very important and dear to her…

She could imagine bright blue eyes, steely at times, cold at others…and then she sees in her mind the soft look that is reserved for her. The same icy blues that kept her calm and feeling safe and cared for...

And his usually perfectly groomed hair is mussed up and strands falling over his face, some falling over closed eyes. He still looks perfect in this imperfect way.

She hesitantly moves slowly out of bed, careful not to wake him, and moves out the room, trying to distinguish where she is and what had happened. She doesn't quite remember anything, as the last few days were pretty much a blur. Sometimes, bits and snatches of things come up, but she hasn't formed a coherent line to them.

She sees Finnick and Plutarch first, breakfast ready at the table as the two talks in quiet tones she can't hear from her distance. When she moves closer, it's the Gamemaker that sees her first.

"Morning, Katniss!" he greets her cheerily.

She smiles a little at him. "Morning. Seneca's still asleep. I figure I should let him sleep a bit more, considering it's my fault he's so exhausted."

"Trust me, he's as much at fault, Babydoll," Finnick grouses. "He should've known better and you can't fault yourself too much, when it's his strong feelings for you that caused him to overlook common sense and be willing to go that far."

Plutarch suddenly cuts in, looking very solemn. "I'm glad you look and seem rested, Katniss. But there are repercussions to what you two did, and I was hoping you'd let Finnick take you to the hospital for a checkup. I'll force Seneca to go later when he wakes up, so don't you worry about him. But have some breakfast first."

Katniss is hesitant, but resigned as she starts to pile food onto her plate and eat. Afterwards, Finnick steals Seneca's speeder with the keys he took and she's reminded of the time Seneca told her about, where Gloss had stolen the car and the victors had kidnapped him. But at least Finnick uses the keys and doesn't have the knowledge of how to pick the lock and hotwire vehicles.

They fly to the Capitol hospital and park, but neither get out. Katniss is stiff and staring at the building, and is startled when she feels Finnick's hand enclose over hers.

"I hate hospitals," she croaks out to him.

Finnick nods, not taking his eyes off the building either. "Me too."

"They remind me too much of after the games," she murmurs. "I can remember sterile rooms, white walls and white everything. The clinical placement of things and of the people around. And being placed there just after the games ended, when the adrenaline and memories and events of the games are still fresh in your mind and you can't stop thinking about them…makes it worse…"

"It seems so cold in that way," Finnick quietly agrees. "And the isolation, the emptiness of the room and the disappearance of everyone and sometimes the noise as you get numb…"

Hospitals are made to help people, but for victors they're physical nightmares.

"I'm afraid of going in there. Of that place."

He squeezes her hand. "I was too. But not anymore, at least not too much or all the time. It took some time, but eventually I stopped. I didn't like any hospitals for awhile, but the Capitol one was the worse. But then Annie needed to be there, so I had to be there. And then I wasn't so bothered."

Katniss licks her lips nervously before she takes a step out and starts her walk to the hospital awaiting her.

She's taken in immediately and it isn't long before she's seeing a doctor. Doctor Aurelius is pulling at his hair in a nervous gesture at meeting her, but at the same time is scowling heavily.

"You know, that's a dangerous stunt you and Head Gamemaker Crane pulled," he starts out. Then he grumbles under his breath. "But I won't be the nagging doctor and I'm pretty sure you two have or will be getting plenty of lectures about it already. So I'll just…offer sleeping aids, if you're having trouble…sleeping."

Nightmares aren't said, but it is implied and they both know it. He also doesn't mention that he'll be writing up a prescription for placebo pills and makes a mental note to inform Head Gamemaker Crane of that, so that the man doesn't get angry at him and also so that he'll be able to tell her about them later on.

She agrees readily and then he proceeds to the actual checkup, checking vitals and everything else.

"No lasting effects seem to be present… _this time_. However, I highly suggest you don't attempt something like this again. I would also like to perform additional tests, just in case I missed anything that can't be found out through external examination."

She gives him permission and she's taking numerous tests and becoming extremely bored in the process. By the end of it, she's yawning and willing to fall asleep right there in the hospital.

"So, you seem to have had a good night's rest, which actually does help someone suffering from sleep deprivation, even by one night. I advise you continue to let yourself get back into a normal sleeping pattern. Now, for your tests…" he looks through the papers. "Everything looks okay. But…" Doctor Aurelius falters. "Except…it seems you're pregnant, Miss Everdeen."

She chokes on her breath and stares at him.

"But…but that can't be. I haven't been throwing up, I haven't seen any signs, I –"

"Morning sickness is different for every woman," he tells her gently. "Not every woman gets it, or shows obvious signs. Sometimes, a woman can give birth without even realizing she'd gotten pregnant, because signs have been so nonexistent."

She's pretty sure she wasn't going to stop being afraid of the hospital if she kept getting bad news there.

And while she stares dumbly at the doctor, unable to comprehend what she was hearing, and looking ready to burst into tears at any moment, her fiancé wakes up groggily and trudges out of the room and to the kitchen, where he panics at still no sign of her.

"Plutarch, I don't think you understand. Katniss is afraid of hospitals," he stresses, revealing that small bit of truth. Plutarch winces.

"I want you to go get seen at the hospital," his friend tells him first.

"Fine," Seneca bites out. "Then let me go now! That way I can run and meet up with Katniss and see how she's doing."

Plutarch relents, but by the time they get there, Katniss finishes crying, the doctor warns her that Seneca has arrived and offers her eye drops to lessen the reddening of her eyes, and she's walking out to see him with a big smile.

She tells him nothing, but what he asks for.

_**Philophobia (fear of love):** _

The thought of the baby horrifies her. She doesn't want to think about it, and sometimes she pretends it doesn't exist. Besides, it wouldn't even be Seneca's because they've never been together.

The baby isn't in her womb. The baby doesn't exist. There is no baby.

This is how Katniss gets through the days and keeps the mantra flowing through her head. Like if she repeats it enough, it'll become truth.

She doesn't want this baby. It means too many things, things she doesn't want to think about. Not when she is already struggling to keep afloat in her life, and she is just starting to be happy and comfortable again, with Seneca's help.

What would _he_ think about it? She doesn't want to think about that either, especially since it isn't his.

She's afraid to love this baby for so many reasons. She doesn't want to love this baby.

So she'll keep thinking that there isn't one.

_**Pyrophobia (fear of fire):** _

Seneca is worried about her. She's been off since the hospital visit, but he can't figure out what or why and she won't tell him. He wants to stay calm and cool, but she's making it really hard with the way she's acting.

His attention is so far away, that the fillet mignon he's cooking fizzles and then fire flares out from the pan and nearly burns off his face had he not moved away fast enough. He's staring at it and goes into a trance, and Katniss comes in and stops the fire. She kneels next to him afterward, unsure of what's wrong and how to help.

"Seneca?"

But he's imagining the screens, and the figure of a girl running from fire, and then the screens zooming in on her terrified and hurt face, and his smile falling off his face as he watches her. He's seeing burning trees and blasts of fire that definitely don't look natural, and a tree appearing out of nowhere. He sees the same girl running for her life, and dodging fire walls and fire blasts and stupid, ignorant people watching…

"Seneca!"

But he just grabs the girl in front of him, the very same one he sees in his head, and holds onto her, muttering things he can't hear. He knows they're apologies at least, but he can't see or hear anything but the reruns in his head of the burning forests and the single girl running.

"Silly man, shouldn't _I_ be the one with fire phobia?" she murmurs, but she hugs him to her tightly and tries to comfort him in the same way he always does for her.

"I'm sorry," he's muttering again. "All that fire…so much fire…I nearly killed you…how can you still love me after everything I've done to you?"

"Because you've always been there for me and never faltered," she sighs into his hair, hugging him nearly painfully, trying to practically embrace the fear and guilt out of him.

She had no idea that he'd become so afraid of fire because of the fire sequence he'd set up for her in the games, or that he's been carrying around so much guilt for the things he's done to her in them.

He hadn't wanted to tell her because it's his problems and he didn't want to burden her, especially since she was still healing and had her own troubles, and he didn't want to be selfish when he's supposed to be focusing on being there for her and it's his fault he has them anyways.

"I love you. Isn't that enough?" she whispers into his ear.

He feels at once both better and worse for it, because she sounds so sincere and even though it makes him happy to hear it, he also doesn't think he deserves it.

"I forgive you," she says and he does start to feel a little better and hopeful, and really all he'd wanted was her forgiveness to be sure of everything.

"You've been forgiven. Did you just really need me to say it, Seneca? Because I'll say it over and over again, as many times as you need to get over all this. Because I don't blame you, and I'm not sure if I ever did. I'm not sure I even had time to play the blame game with everything piling up then," she laughs lightly to ease things.

She kisses him for extra reassuring, before she tells him again, "I love you."

And this time it's everything he's ever wanted, needed, and sought for in his entire life, and he loves hearing it just as he has every time she's said it…

_**Spectrophobia (fear of ghosts and phantoms):** _

She's still wary of the phantoms that haunt her and keep her from a peace of mind. She's glad for the sleeping aids, however, which seem to be doing their work. Her nightmares go away and whatever dreams she may have are vague and distant; just blurred images that fade away.

Seneca watches her warily and more worry, but she watches him in the same way.

They are watched closely by their friends, at the same time as they force themselves into a regular sleeping pattern and make their bodies adjust back into a form of normality.

And yet, seeing the specter in front of her, Katniss doubts she's still awake or have become rested enough to escape the hauntings –for now she sees her father looking at her blankly. He stares and utters not a word, he watches and his lips stay close, his eyes stay to her but they hint at nothing.

He looks just judging.

' _Are you ashamed, Father? Are you horrified at who I'm about to marry? Are you disappointed in me? Are you disgusted with me for getting married to a man that is practically the epitome of the Capitol and all that it stands for; for even falling in love with him?'_

Because Christopher Everdeen, kind, just, and sweet man that he was, had always loathed the Capitol.

He stays quiet and she hunches over and weeps into her hands.

_**Tokophobia (fear of childbirth or pregnancy):** _

After that, she finally breaks down and confesses about the pregnancy to Seneca. He is ecstatic, of course. He'd always thought she'd make a brilliant mother. He recalls her interactions with her lovely sister Primrose, and of little Rue. He remembers the motherly nature she took on when that little girl came up to them that time they went out for ice cream. Katniss is perfect mother material.

"I'd always thought you'd make a great mother," he tells her and is confused to see her looking at him in horror.

"Are you _insane_?" she bursts out and he's confused and unsure why she was reacting like this. "How can you think that?"

"Of course," he answers firmly, trying to instill his belief and faith in her, hoping she'd take comfort in it and start to believe in his words also. "You'd be a perfect mom."

But her denials have nothing to do with disbelief at his words and in herself. Not like that.

"If it's because it's not mine, don't worry about it. I'll take care of it and-and _love_ it as if it were my own," he vehemently promises but she's still looking at him like he's crazy and like she's close to having a meltdown.

" _Seneca_ , if I have this child, 12 years from now it's going to be _reaped_."

And it hits him like a punch to the gut.

"N-no," he stutters. " _I'm_ a Capitol citizen. To everyone, that would be my baby. And the real father –he has to be Capitol, wasn't he? Damn it – _you're a Capitol citizen_."

"No, I'm not," she says quietly, staring straight at him.

He falters. "What?"

She purses her lips, but speaks on. "I was never made a Capitol citizen officially. For all intents and purposes, I'm still from District 12. And child rights come…from the mother. He or she _will_ be reaped."

And Seneca is horrified and disgusted and nauseous and dear Lord, he thinks he might just throw up on the spot.

His child (and it doesn't matter if it's not his in blood) will one day have to fear becoming a tribute in the very games he conducts. And of his future children with Katniss, the ones that come from him personally, will suffer the same fate –no matter the father, because it is Katniss who matters in this affair. And if one of them were to actually become a tribute…the other tributes would target and cruelly hunt them down, for the sole purpose of what a child of his (never mind a child between he and Katniss and from the _Capitol_ itself) would represent. A child of a Gamemaker, Head Gamemaker no less; of someone who had forced them into the games and would play with their lives for the sole purpose of entertainment of the masses…

That is nothing to say that a child of the Capitol alone, the source of their and their family and friend's pain in life before being reaped, makes for a perfect opportunity to take out their anger and vengeance on. He was under no delusion that the other districts held any love for the Capitol, and his child would have to suffer for that as being a practical symbol of the Capitol to the others.

He imagines his child being murdered in the games for that, and even worse starts to imagine being the Head Gamemaker or knowing who it was that would be in charge of leading his child to their death.

He buries his face in his hands and his shoulders shake with the effort to not cry, even as Katniss scurries away in pain to their room, locking it.

She sobs through the night. He tries not to.

_**Workplace Phobia (fear of the workplace):** _

He tries not to fidget so much, but he feels uncomfortable. He no longer feels like going to work, much like the idea of his work now. It had started with Katniss' pain and now the very idea of the Hunger Games is completely foreign and horrifying to him.

Everything around him makes him cringe.

He glances at all their current projects, things they have planned for the next games, and he has trouble looking normal and not disgusted with the work he is supposed to be concerned with. But he doesn't care. He doesn't want to do it anymore. He can't do it anymore; he physically just can't.

He looks at the monkey mutts in the works and his vision blurs and he feels faint, breathing heavily.

"Seneca, is something wrong?" Plutarch whispers to him, concern evident in his eyes.

Seneca swallows and his hand shakily reaches into his jacket and hands over a letter to Plutarch, who raises an eyebrow at him.

"That's my resignation letter," he says and Plutarch's eyes widen. "I quit, Plutarch. I can't do this."

"Seneca, are you sure? What are you _doing_?" and even though Plutarch sounds panicked, he feels strangely calm now.

"Katniss is pregnant," he reveals.

Plutarch's eyes widen again. "Well that's…good news, isn't it?"

"In 12 years, my son or daughter will be reaped," he knows he and Katniss have the worse luck, or Snow will fix it, so this is almost a guarantee. "And I don't want to be the Head Gamemaker in charge of _overlooking my child's death and being a part of their murder_."

This anxiety and fear he now understands is probably what all other districts' parents must go through every Reaping Day, what Katniss must have felt for Prim. Minus having to be responsible for their child's death, of course.

"Okay," Plutarch finally agrees, accepting his letter as he looks pityingly at Seneca.

No parents want to send their child off to their death, so it would go especially being the cause of or being responsible for their death.

He walks out of the building, with everyone looking at his retreating back in confusion, except for Plutarch.

Seneca is actually not that surprised, when he's being summoned to see Snow. He'd hope to keep his resignation quiet for a little bit, so that he'd have some time to himself and with Katniss, but Snow has his eyes and ears practically everywhere.

"I see you're resigning," is the first thing Snow says to him, not even facing him as the man continues his habitual hobby of trimming his roses.

Seneca stays quiet.

Snow holds his resignation letter up and then slowly starts to tear it into pieces.

"I'm going to forget I ever saw it or that it even happened," Snow says, a hint of warning in his tone.

Seneca nods brusquely.

"Good. Now…congratulations to you and your lovely fiancée for the coming baby. Or should I say –congrats to Miss Everdeen?"

Seneca freezes up. He'd hoped that wouldn't reach Snow's ears, as both he and Katniss has prayed he'd never come to know of it until later at least. However, it seems even this the man has come to find out, and more so that it was obviously a product of Katniss and one of the Capitol consorts.

"Thank you, sir," he mutters and Snow nods, dismissing him after.

"Do good work tomorrow."

And Seneca resists the urge to turn around and choke the man to death, knowing that he could probably get away with it before someone comes to stop him.

Started 8/21/12 –Completed 8/31/12


	16. Interlude: Lost and Found Moments

_**Lost Shirt:** _

"Katniss, I'm going to be late for work. Have you seen my shirt?"

He searched the damn place and he still couldn't find _any_ of his shirts. He owned like a _million_ of them. How hard could it be to just find a damn one? It was apparently impossible, if one wasn't just popping up right then.

There was no answer and Seneca remembered that she'd gone to take a nap earlier. He sighed and continued looking, not really too bothered about being late anyways. Nowadays, he was never too hurried about going to work, especially when the choice involved Katniss or she was affected.

After another half an hour of nothing and late to work by a full hour, Seneca just sighed and decided he'd go to work with something else. He searched through his drawers and nabbed a casual gray shirt that reminded him of Katniss' eyes, and set off to work without further ado.

He ignored the stares at work, focusing on his paperwork and the orders he had to hand out.

"It is casual Friday or something?" Plutarch asked in amusement, appearing behind him.

"No, I'm out of shirts," Seneca rolled his eyes.

"…You're actually out of shirts?" the other Gamemaker asked him incredulously.

Seneca shrugged. "I guess so. I don't know how, but it seems so."

"Strange. Good looking shirt though. Reminds me of a certain victor's eyes, if you know what I mean," Plutarch winked at him.

Seneca just ignored him and went on with his work.

When he returned home, he blinked in surprise to see Katniss still asleep. He noted that _one_ of his shirts was on her and decided he'd go find the others before waking her up and asking what she wanted for dinner.

She was always exhausted nowadays and needed her rest.

He looked around the house before going to the laundry room, not really thinking that all of his shirts could actually be there. He stopped at the door, staring in shock at the huge pile of red shirts stockpiled right in front of the washing machine and nearly gaped.

No way. Not _all_ of his shirts could be in there. Could they?

Well, considering Katniss had also taken to wearing his shirts most of the time (especially considering she spent a lot of her time in the house and preferred to wear it to lounge around in the comfort in her home), maybe it shouldn't be that much of a surprise. Between the two of them, the large pile of red shirts that used to solely belong to him wasn't all that much of a shock. The two of them could certainly go through his wardrobe.

He sighed and began to pile shirts into the washer, beginning to do laundry.

And when Katniss woke a little sometime later, she quietly began to help him, trying to ignore the sheepish look on her face and the light blush on her cheeks. He smiled slightly to himself, at how adorable she was being.

_**Lost Key:** _

Seneca was like a whirlwind in his office, panicking as he searched all over it for one of his few precious possessions. He couldn't have lost it. He couldn't have.

He could not have lost the key to Katniss' home.

 _His_ home.

"Seneca, is everything alright?" Gloss leaned against his door, smirking at him.

"No! Everything is wrong!" Seneca surprisingly shouted, surprising the victor.

Gloss straightened up and stopped smirking, speaking gently.

"Hey, what's wrong?"

"I lost my key to Katniss' place. I don't know where it is!" Seneca practically tossed the folders off his desk as he searched under them.

"It's not that bad," Gloss tried to soothe him. "She'll understand. And you can always get a new one."

"That's not the problem," Seneca snapped at him. "She gave that key to me. It's from her. And it also showed that she trusts me and she wanted me in her life –that she accepts me in her life! I _need_ that key!"

Seneca went back to ruffling through his things, trying to find the key that meant so much to him desperately. Gloss winced and slid his hand in his pocket, discreetly pulling out the key and laying it on top of the file cabinet next to him, regretting his little practical prank. He'd had no idea that a key would mean so much to him…

"Oh, look! Is this the key?" Gloss called out and Seneca rapidly faced towards him.

Huge relief covered the man's face as he reached for the key.

_**Lost in the Forest:** _

Seneca wasn't bad at the outdoors, like he'd mentioned to Katniss so long ago. Again, he wasn't the best at it. So it shouldn't really be that much of a surprise that he had gotten himself lost in the forest that he'd shown Katniss, unable to find her or a way back.

He was…stupidly stuck.

He knew he should be able to find some sort of clue that would help, but he was having no luck, the sun was going down, and his own panic was making him blind. He shouldn't be so bad at his survival outdoors, but having Katniss not being there wasn't helping keeping him calm and he was nowhere an expert at outdoor survival like she was. Not like there was really anything out there he should be worried about, and even people (as they avoided the outdoors more often than not, especially at night) was not a worry…

But he was currently irrational, so it was irrelevant.

"Are you lost, little boy? Need help getting out of this mean ugly forest?" Katniss' teasing voice sounded behind him and he whirled around to see her sitting calmly on a rock that was leveled out.

He was so grateful and happy to see her, he rushed towards her and picked her up off of the rock, smacking a kiss eagerly onto her lips.

"Hey, I'm here. No worries, alright? Let's go home now," she smiled softly at him.

"Yes, home. I'd like to go home now," he looked at her sheepishly.

She just held his hand, squeezing in comfort once, and then led the path back home.

_**Lost Girl:** _

He was always a bit afraid at times that Katniss would suddenly disappear from him. He'd had horrid dreams where she was with him one second, and then had disappeared from his sight the next. He doesn't tell anyone that when they go out sometimes, if he loses sight of her for even a moment, he becomes deathly afraid she'd gone.

Sometimes, Seneca was plagued with distressing thoughts of losing Katniss to death. By Snow's doing, to her wanting to be with Peeta, by his own hand from the games…

He was scared of her running away from him, to District 12, to anywhere, anywhere not with him. He hated the thought of losing her at all.

One day, he returned home to see her missing. He tried not to panic, but she was gone and he was alone and he hated Katniss not being there with him. _And_ it was one of his 'worse days.'

He lost her and now he can't find her.

It was ten at night and he had a bottle of his favorite wine, and he was drinking straight from the bottle as he lied on the couch in a miserable state. He was curled up under covers he'd dragged from the room to bring over with him, and blinking back tears as he covered his head with the soft sheets he was using to hide from the world.

He missed the sound of the door opening, Katniss seeing his miserable form on the couch (and worriedly saying a quick goodbye to Finnick as she tried to hurry over to him), and his fiancée drawing back the covers and taking the bottle from his hand.

"Hey you. What's wrong?" Katniss murmured, brushing a hand through his locks tenderly.

He just grabbed onto her and pulled her closer, burying his face into her stomach as he cried.

He found his lost girl and that was all that mattered right then.

_**Found Boy:** _

Katniss was worried. She didn't know where Seneca was. He'd been gone for a long time and she'd called around and had received no word from anyone if they'd seen him. She was almost tempted to try Snow, but he was the absolutely last resort and she'd rather not. She didn't want to tell him anything that he could use against them, especially if he had no idea about Seneca's whereabouts or wasn't behind his disappearance.

She remembered the watch he always wore, and how she'd gotten it sent out to Beetee to put in a tracker. Biting her lip, she consoled herself that at least she'd told Seneca about that and that she was just extremely worried about getting separated from him. She wanted to do what she could to prevent all of her fears from coming true, and she wasn't sorry one bit to have done it or anything else she had or would do.

So she found the connected screen and located a map of the Capitol first, hoping he was there and not anywhere else in Panem. Surprisingly and yet not surprisingly at the same time, he was located in the Arena of all places. Grabbing a jacket, she fled her house and had one of the peacekeepers fly her over. Without further ado, she traipsed into the building and then fumbled to open one of the doors that held a chamber. She went in and into the tube, after overriding some systems and sending commands to it. She was glad Seneca had managed to teach her a lot of the workings, otherwise she might have a harder time of this –and she didn't really know any other way to get into the Arena.

She was surprised and uneasy to recognize the very forest of her Hunger Games.

She looked around, glancing at her screen every once in a while to see if she was getting closer to him, and finally stumbled onto him in the clearing, where she realized with a pang in her heart, was where Rue had died. He was lying down on the forest floor, gazing up at the sky with a lost look on his face, not noticing her arrival.

Quietly, Katniss walked over to him and lay down next to him, laying her head on his shoulder. That jolted him into awareness and he looked over at her, caught off guard by her appearance and that she was there at all.

He looked around anxiously before looking at her.

"Katniss, you shouldn't be here –not in this place," he told her urgently.

"And you should?" she raised an eyebrow. Then she sighed. "You can't keep doing this, Seneca. You can't keep hurting yourself like this. Please don't torture yourself like this anymore. I'm getting better; I _am_ better than I was, and it's because of you. You have nothing to repent for. Stop dragging yourself through this because you think you deserve it."

"And I don't?" he asked her miserably.

"Maybe you do," she bit her lip in frustration. "But I need you too much to care. I love you too much. So stop it. Because I feel helpless whenever you go off and decide to be masochistic, and it seems like there isn't a damn thing I can do to change it."

"I'm sorry," he muttered and she just nodded tiredly, pulling him up and then dragging him behind her.

Instead of leaving though, she headed to the Cornucopia and found a niche, hidden from sight and would just as easily hide them from the world. She slid into it and then pulled him in after her, squatting in front of each other. And then she pulled him close and he found purchase into her arms, quietly crying into her as she ignored her own tears.

"You know, I'm here for you just as much as you've always been there for me," she told him tenderly.

"I know," he murmured.

She was glad she'd managed to find him.

Started 10/1 12 – Completed 10/8/12


	17. Mealtimes

_**Breakfast:** _

When Katniss wakes up, she does so reluctantly. She remembers the night before, how Seneca told her about Snow and his refusal and blatant ignoring of his resignation. She is surprised about Seneca's decision to resign in the first place, but ultimately knew that there was no way it would happen –especially if it was going to involve Snow.

With also a dim realization, she bitterly remembers it's Christmas and her first in the Capitol and away from home. She turns her head and looks at Seneca's peaceful face, her bitterness lightening exponentially and a small smile crosses her face.

"I found love in a hopeless place. Things aren't…so bad."

She closes her eyes and feels herself start to become peaceful herself…only for their bedroom door to slam open and startle her and awakening Seneca. Before either of them could clearly understand what's going on or get a handle on things, they're dog piled upon and crushed on by excited bodies.

"Meeeeerrrry Christmas~" a chorus of sing-songed voices and slurs greet them.

"How the hell did you all sneak into our house?" Seneca grunts disgruntled.

"We all got keys, remember?" Cashmere giggles.

Both Seneca and Katniss are quiet before…

"When the hell did that happen?" Seneca snaps in exasperation while Katniss mentally face palms.

"What? What did you say?" Finnick calls out loudly, feigning ignorance.

All the victors rush off of them and then out of the room, and the two of them roll their eyes at each other before getting off the bed and start getting ready for the day. They get out of the room together, happening upon their suddenly decorated house and a Christmas tree set up in their living room that hadn't been there the night before.

"We're like little Christmas elves, making Christmas miracles and shit," Finnick waves and grins at them.

Katniss isn't sure whether he's drunk or not, as it _could_ be construed as typical Finnick behavior. However, she's much too amused and happy that they were all there to really care too much.

"Damn, I have to go into work," Seneca mutters, and they're both reminded of how Snow had expressly wanted him to go into work that day and had told him to 'do good work.'

"Work, smork," Gloss huffs. "Fuck it and skip."

"Can't. The Devil's got me callin'," Seneca sighs and everyone understands immediately.

"Fuck 'im," an unknown voice to Katniss snorts. She's a pretty young woman, probably around Finnick and Annie's age, and holding a mug in both of her hands. She sees Katniss staring at her, and winks at her. "Hey, girl~ You is _fine_. Wanna be my booty call?"

Cashmere laughs and struts over to the other woman, smacking her lightly on the head before looking at Katniss wryly.

"Ignore this one, Kat. Jo's already gone on eggnog."

She suddenly recalls who the woman is, and thinks that Johanna Mason reminds her a bit of Haymitch. She can't help the fond smile from forming on her lips.

"S'alright," she says simply.

"Breakfast!" Brutus calls out and all the victors holler eagerly and excitedly, but Katniss only becomes alarmed.

"Wait!" both she and Seneca interrupt in panic.

"You…wouldn't have, perhaps, let Brutus cook in the kitchen, did you all?" Seneca twitches.

"Yeah, why?" Annie asks ignorantly, smiling.

A second later, everyone realizes the couples' reaction, all of them staring in disbelief at the messy kitchen and the blackened, burnt, and most probably inedible food laid out on the table. Brutus stands beside them all, smiling happily and looking rather ridiculous with the purple "I'm Chef Victor" apron and oven mitts on and clasped together in pride.

"Soooo, Katniss," Gloss turns to her. "How about it? Up to cooking your delicious and yummy food for your loving and awesome victor friends?"

Brutus, looking odd doing so, pouts and Katniss pats his shoulder in comfort, trading an amused look with Seneca.

"Come on, Brutus, you can cook with me. I'll show you how to do it," Katniss steers him towards the kitchen area, and everyone else makes themselves useful by helping to throw away the uneatable food and washing the dishes, or cleaning up the disastrous war zone Brutus had created in his attempt to make Christmas breakfast.

_**Brunch:** _

By brunch time, Seneca is already gone to work and Katniss is left with the other victors, and also already missing him. However, she is at least content and enjoying the others' presence there.

It wouldn't be a lonely Christmas after all.

"Why are we eating again?" Cashmere whines. "I'm going to ruin my figure."

"Bitch, please. It's Christmas. I'll eat whatever the hell I want and be the glutton the holiday demands I be," Johanna cackles and drinks more of the eggnog.

The eggnog really was quite good though, Katniss acknowledges.

They're eating in the dining room this time, and they're all gathered around the table and cajoling each other. Finnick, Gloss, and Brutus sing "You're a Mean One, Mr. Snow" and lead the others into it. By the third time, Katniss gives in and joins in on that round.

" _You're a foul one, Mr. Snow,_  
You're a nasty wasty skunk,  
Your heart is full of unwashed socks, your soul is full of gunk, Mr. Snow,  
The three words that best describe you are as follows, and I quote,  
'Stink, stank, stunk'!"

They finish warbling and Katniss laughs freely, enjoying herself immensely. These people, them just being here, and all the celebrating and memorable antics…all of it has made Katniss' heart warm up and all the stress and trouble passed (especially with the pregnancy and all that dealt with it) has been softened and doesn't feel as bad or as hopeless as it seemed before.

"Hey, everyone," she calls out hesitantly. Everyone quiets down, still smiling as they try calming from the spirited high they were all in, and focus on her. She swallows nervously. "I have some news…"

"What is it?" Annie asks excited, nearly bouncing in her seat.

"Calm it, Energizer Bunny," Johanna yanks on the other woman's hair teasingly.

Annie scrunches up her nose at her before sticking out her tongue and then eagerly turning back to Katniss. Katniss takes a deep breath.

"I'm pregnant."

Everything and everyone is still, with the others in shock and faces frozen in their previous expressions of eagerness and enjoyment. And then…

Johanna spits out the eggnog she'd taken a sip of at that moment.

Brutus falls off his chair.

And Finnick chokes on the piece of holiday ham he'd been eating.

Annie squeals loudly and is clapping her hands in excitement.

"When is it due?!"

_**Snack:** _

She is making the holiday cookies she'd planned to have as snacks with the others, and Brutus is eagerly beside her and helping out. As she stirs the batter and Brutus is making the homemade frosting under her instructions, she is tiredly explaining to the others the circumstances of the situation.

She is tired and weighed down from the events, but she has come to love, trust, and truly care for the others –all of whom have become family to her. Even Johanna, who she just met, had crashed into her life with exuberance and boisterous liveliness that has Katniss feeling energetic and willing to buckle down and face the world and life itself (one that seemed to want to drown her and douse out her flames).

"So it's some guy from the Capitol that's the baby daddy," Johanna grunts, disgruntled on her behalf. "From one of your jobs."

"Is there any way we can get you formally made into a Capitol citizen?" Finnick cuts in, frowning.

Katniss quirks her lips up in bittersweet emotion. "Not a chance. Snow is probably watching any avenues I might try."

"If the kid gets reaped, I swear I'll get the kid," Cashmere promises, eyes dark with anger. "I'll take them to District 1. Hide them at home or something. I won't let anything happen to your kid, Katniss."

"I'll sabotage my tributes," Gloss winks at her.

Katniss gives him a look full of admonishment, but also of equal fondness and gratefulness, as she reaches over and hugs Cashmere thankfully.

Annie has been quiet the entire time, her earlier exuberance diminished. Her eyes are teary and she's subdued, slightly hunched and withdrawing in on herself. Katniss gives a look to Finnick, who nods back at her and stands up and walks over to Annie, gently grabbing onto his girl and leading her out to comfort her.

Biding time, Katniss quietly starts to pour her cookie mix into the pans that Brutus holds steady for her. Just after she finishes putting them into the oven, Finnick and Annie come back and he gives her a reassuring grin as Annie is now beaming at her, some of her usual bubbliness back.

Katniss wrings her hands as she looks at everyone.

"So, uh, who wants to be godparents?"

"ME!" Finnick and Brutus yell out, their voices actually drowning out the women's.

They look at each other and start squabbling about who had more of a right to be godfather, and she sees Gloss smoothly sidle over to her side as the two go at it.

"I'm better than you!"

"Oh yeah?! Well, I'm stronger!"

"I'm better looking!"

"You know," Gloss starts out slickly. "I'm great with kids. I would be the best godfather ever, and you wouldn't have to worry about a thing. Plus, I'm not boisterous and rowdy like the other two, wild and unpredictable like Finnick, and your kid wouldn't die from food poisoning like Brutus would be sure to cause –"

Gloss is suddenly shoved to the side, whereas Cashmere takes his place.

"You don't need a godfather," she says blandly, looking straight-faced and serious. "I'll do just fine."

Katniss stares, feeling incredulous.

_**Lunch:** _

Somehow managing to postpone the christening of godparenting to whomever, they start tossing out potential baby names for fun before it becomes a serious discussion on who might be the baby's father. Katniss tries to recall the dates she'd had to go on, and thinks that there was something she's missing…some detail that would've been important for her to know and would have helped immensely.

But she really can't think of it then.

It's lunchtime and…well, Katniss was afraid a food fight was about to break out. Finnick and Gloss, it seemed, actually _were_ rather competitive about their stance in Capitol society.

" _Best way to deal with, Tigress," Gloss winks._

" _Accept it and go along with it, if you can't have fun with it. The situation will haunt and terrorize you otherwise," Finnick grins after, despite his solemn words._

Katniss recalls the two's words, but this is rather ridiculous. It was amusing though, so (for a horrible situation) whatever amusement any of them could take out of it, they could and probably would.

"At least _I_ need no moniker, Mister 'Marc Antony of the Capitol'," Finnick sniffs disdainfully. "I am _the_ Finnick Odair."

"Bah! Fine, _Just_ Finnick," Gloss rolls his eyes, smirking and looking not at all bothered. "But _I_ get to be _Antony_ to _Katniss' Cleopatra_."

Katniss blinks. "Wait. What?"

And then the two men start whistling and looking away.

"I like 'The Mortal Aphrodite' instead," Annie just has to start it up, and then the victors are arguing about their favorites while Katniss is kind of lost.

Finnick and Gloss continue their argument, while going back and forth on her, and the girls are all twittering together girlishly. Katniss frowns and glances at the eggnog, tasting hers. She knows she'd added a bit of vodka to the mix, so it's expected for the tipsiness (she remembers Johanna chugging down mug after mug earlier), but…

She glances up and it's by luck that she sees Johanna hiding a clear bottle under the table as she continues her silly discussion with the other females. Her mouth slightly drops and Johanna looks over and notices her shocked gaze. She just winks and goes back to the other women, and Katniss shakes her head but says nothing.

"I quite like 'Madonna of the Districts'," Cashmere's grin widens. " _Like a virrrgin~_ "

"Touched for the very first time!" Finnick sings after.

Gloss scrunches up his nose. "Ew. You two can't sing. Leave the singing to Katniss."

She looks over to Brutus, who was the only one quiet, and sees that he looks as lost as she feels. If she had to guess, he is more used to bragging about who he's killed and not who he's 'bagged'. Being part of the group of victors where the majority were 'hookers of the Capitol' would be pretty hard to contribute and/or feel comfortable when talk turned to exploits, so she took pity on him and came over, gently taking hold of his muscled arm and leading him away.

"Come on, you," she gave him a small smile. "I got something you'll like."

"You know…My favorite name is just simply 'Marilyn,'" Brutus declares and Katniss fights the urge to sigh in reluctant amusement, but can't refrain from shaking her head. Even Brutus…

But…

"Marilyn is nice," Katniss concedes. "Very simple. And I've always liked her."

Brutus opens his mouth, but Katniss cuts him off.

"But I'm not singing 'Happy Birthday.'"

He quietly chortles under his breath.

"You've been holding out!" Brutus crows in delight as Katniss shows him the secret bunker under her house, where she has an archery room (quite separate from the target/shooting range that's on the opposite side).

There's a familiar wall of swords from when she'd been in the games, the ones she'd managed to cajole Seneca into taking and bringing over simply because she liked the designs and would tease him about the resemblance to his beard. The middle of the room is loaded with padded mats and Katniss laughs as Brutus enthusiastically tosses himself forward and roughly lands on the mat, before moving straight into a clumsy roll.

"It's not much, compared to the Training Center, but Seneca had it made in the beginning so that I would be able to have an area to keep up my skills and a place to take out my frustrations out on. He didn't show me until last month, where he finally got all the equipment in here," Katniss tells him, watching in amusement as Brutus eagerly stretches and gears up for a workout.

"Hey, hey! I remember your games. You were really good with that bow and arrow. Give me a few lessons, yeah? I'll teach you some hand to hand moves, so you got something short-ranged," Brutus grins widely, though it falters and he looks anxiously at her stomach. "Though I'll be real careful and we won't really get too into it, so you know…"

Katniss' grin turns into a fond grin and she waves him off.

"I'm just about two months now, according to the doctor, so some exercise is good. Nothing rough, like you said, but I don't have to be fragile."

She's very sure her decision to bring Brutus away from the others was a good one, seeing how he's enjoying learning to string up a bow the old fashioned way and she's watching him struggling to wrap the handle around his knee and bring the string up. He's got the strength, but he's a bit…new to the fact he'd have to actually coordinate 'bolts and pieces' (his words, not hers) together.

"Crossbows are better," he huffs, once he finishes and looks on proudly at his work.

"Lazy."

He snickers and happily starts grabbing arrows.

"Want me to trek up and snatch some lunch for us to eat here?" she offers and he shakes his head.

"I'm good. 'Less you're hungry. You were good at surviving without food, if you couldn't hunt it, right? I'm going to rough it out too," and it's so ridiculous that Katniss giggles in her head, even as she watches Brutus randomly start shooting. She was just going to watch for a bit, see his handling of a bow and arrow first, but his handling makes her cringe with how atrocious it is.

She thinks she'll have lunch a little after, and worriedly comes over to Brutus, not wanting to leave him alone with the weapon and come back to find him maimed or worse.

_**Afternoon Tea:** _

She and Brutus are laughing as they come back up to see the others, who are even drunker than before and are now happily and straightforwardly drinking plain ol' alcohol from bottles as they sing another rendition of "You're a Mean One, Mr. Snow", but they're mixing up words and verses and it just makes Katniss smile and forget a little more of the heartache she feels at missing her home.

Her door is loudly knocked upon and the victors all immediately become silent and stare in the direction of the entrance. Katniss is nervous and glances at them, but she leaves them behind and travels a few hallways before making it to her door, where she opens it and finds her Head Peacekeeper, Marcus Seneca (his surname having always amused her and something she'd always teased Seneca about), solemnly standing at her doorstep. He holds up a familiar bird, one she remembers temporarily loaning to a quiet and lonely girl to serve as company in the same way Seneca had given him to her for the same reason.

The jabberjay titters and tweets before settling down.

"Hello, Hermes," she murmurs quietly, for some reason feeling dread at seeing her precious bird.

"Katniss," Lucilla Snow's childlike serious voice echoes, somehow, through the house and she's shivering awfully now. "I'm sorry to be so abrupt, but it's an emergency. Grandfather is coming over there right now, so I wanted to warn you immediately before he could catch you off guard. It's just a visit, so don't worry, but I wasn't sure what you would be doing. Please take care. I'll leave Hermes with you."

She's frozen up and Marcus Seneca nods at her and turns to leave.

"Get all the others!" she barks out at him before he could leave her. He's just as frozen as she'd been a second ago and stares at her. "Get them all and into the house! Wash your hands and start eating! Ignore the food I brought into the Guardhouse."

He hurries to do her bidding and she rushes back inside. As she explains to the others, who heard the message and was anxious but not as much as they wouldn't know who was talking or who 'Grandfather' was, they see the seriousness of the matter and also panic a bit more in the inside once they know the whole thing. As they scramble to rush to the secret bunker, with Brutus leading the way and showing the others where it is, Katniss recalls her introduction to Lucilla.

_The coronation reveal makes her nauseous and she runs out of that room to the nearest bathroom. She vomits up all the plums she's tastelessly eaten and cries to herself in the elegant but stoic bathroom, basking in the silence and hearing her sobs reverberate._

_She tries to quickly calm herself, going to the sink and splashing water on her face. She also rinses off her mouth several times, eager to get rid of the taste of vomit and feels her breath steady by the time she's done. Drying off, she looks at herself in the mirror after and knows she still looks horrible, especially with her eyes red and obviously showing that she'd been crying._

_Without further wish to stay in that man's home any longer, she hastily flees the bathroom, only to run into a pretty little girl sitting in front of the bathroom's door. Her back is against the wall and her knees are drawn up to her chest, with her petite arms wrapped around them. She looks to be twelve, around Prim's age, but somehow younger and more vulnerable, despite the serious look on her face. Her muddy brown eyes had been trained on the door, but now are intently staring at her._

" _Hello, I'm Lucilla Snow," the girl introduces herself. "My grandfather was talking to you, wasn't he? You're Katniss Everdeen. The Girl on Fire."_

_Katniss hears the awe, but it's also tempered and she's this very serious girl (who is trying to be very adult-like) and the only thing making her like a child is the hint of hero worship as she looks at Katniss. For a girl so very adult-ish, Katniss thinks she doesn't mind as much the usual Capitol reaction, if it will allow this little girl some semblance of childish veneer._

_She catches a glimpse of the girl's necklace and thinks it's one of those Mockingjay jewelry that's being sold out in the Capitol in commemoration to her and her games. But on closer look, with a sinking heart, she sees the bird in the shape of a nightingale perched in a cage._

" _Do you like it?" Lucilla asks, voice serious and grave. "I had it made after you first moved to the Capitol. It reminds me of you."_

_And Lucilla looks at her with muddy brown eyes that are too solemn and understanding, and Katniss thinks that one must have to become an adult and grow up quickly when growing up in the House of Snow._

_She smiles sadly at the little girl and holds out her hand._

" _Little Lucy, why don't I let you be a child with me for awhile?"_

She's in the middle of quietly dishing out some more food onto a peacekeeper's plate, all of them sitting at her table as if they had already been there and enjoying a meal, when Snow finally arrives. The knock is heavy and final on her door, and all of them quiet even more and stare in that direction. Once again, Katniss is heading towards her door, with heavy feet and heavy heart dragging her down.

The President smiles coolly at her once the door is opened and she offers a fake one in return. She lets him in and takes his coat, leading him to where her loyal peacekeepers are keeping up the illusion of being her Christmas guests. She's thankful for them and hopes the other victors don't do anything to reveal their presence.

Snow only looks at the gathered peacekeepers, simply raises an eyebrow briefly, before dismissing them and turning his attention straight back to Katniss.

"It must be lonely without your fiancé to keep you company for the holiday. You'd even resorted to having your guards come in and celebrate with you. I daresay, forgive my manners, Miss Everdeen. Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas," Katniss replies back dully, keeping her eyes lowered.

"Why don't we take this to the parlor? We'll just let your guards enjoy your wonderful cooking in peace."

Snow, actually, leads them this time and she's reminded of Snow's first visit. This was the same room where he had told her her fate in the Capitol, and made her the "offer" of prostituting herself for the safety of her loved ones. What bad news was he going to give her this time?

"I wanted to personally congratulate you on your pregnancy," Snow says first with a poisonous smile.

She flinches. "Thank you," she says acidly, unable to help herself.

"Now, now. Remember, your wedding is coming soon, as well as the coronation. That means we'll practically be family soon," Snow says congenially, and Katniss eyes the letter opener Seneca had left behind on the desk behind Snow.

"Family to you is worse than just being anyone else having to work under you," Katniss spats out, glaring at the man heatedly. "I know how you treat family."

Snow continues to smile. "Yes, so you say. Anyways, my dear Katniss –we _are_ family now, no matter what you may feel or like about it –I mostly wanted to drop off _my_ present. I thought you'd enjoy your storing your crown here, _Princess_ Katniss. I'll be on my way."

He looks at her expectantly and she grits her teeth before replying.

"Thank you…As you will, _Your Highness_ ," she bits out, and takes the ornate wooden boxes from Snow that she'd failed to notice in the beginning. He leaves and she grips the boxes tightly before screaming in anger and hurling them at the wall. They bang and rebound against it harshly, falling to the ground in disarray. One box is still closed and the other has been thrown opened, with her coronation crown tumbling out onto the floor.

"Woah, wait a sec –you mean that crazy rumor about this place becoming a monarchy is real?" Gloss' voice is loud and clear behind her and she turns to see the victors quiet and sober as they stare at her and the boxes and fallen crown. The peacekeepers are also there, hovering in the background and worrying about her in their usual way.

She's just glad Snow didn't stay and have Afternoon Tea, like all those other times she wants to forget and he won't let her. She hasn't failed, however, to realize that Snow had made it a point to come there when it was time for Afternoon Tea.

Katniss is never going to like that pastime or that point in the day ever.

_**Dinner:** _

Things are subdued when Seneca comes home. He blinks in confusion, seeing peacekeepers all over his home, tidying up and cleaning. They wear depressed looks on their faces and he can't stop any one of them to get an answer out of them for what's going on, why do they look like that, and where is his fiancée and the other victors. They just mumble something incoherently in reply to him before going back to work.

He tiredly searches through the first floor of the home, knows they're not outside, and tentatively decides that maybe he should check out the secret bunker. It's there where he finds everyone. The men are aggressively competing at the target range, and he would have thought they were all just having their usual competitions and getting too into it, had it not been for the angry looks on their faces.

Cashmere is humoring Annie off to the side, both of them doing jump rope for fun, but there's an edge of distraction in Cashmere's eyes and strained tinge to her, and Annie doesn't seem as bubbly or as energetic as usual.

He sees Johanna distracting herself by looking at the wall of swords, but he can just barely see her face and he can see that her mind is somewhere else.

Seneca finally sees his fiancée, who's by herself and sitting against the wall, watching everyone else with hooded eyes and a stoic face. He hesitantly comes over, feeling as if something really big had happened while he'd been gone…something bad. Swallowing down his dread, he's soon by Katniss' side, who has yet to acknowledge him.

"It's dinnertime. Doesn't anyone feel like eating?" he asks her quietly.

She finally focuses on him, tilting her head up to look at him. She smiles wryly, yet sadly, at him.

"I think everyone doesn't have an appetite right now."

Something did happen. He knows it.

"You want to eat though? Come on, I'll get you a plate and heat it up," Katniss smiles a little more heartily, getting up from her spot on the floor and leading the way out of the secret bunker.

He treads after her, glancing back at the others to see that it seems as if their exit wasn't noticed at all, though he had a feeling that they were all hyper aware of it.

In the kitchen, he's seated at the table and Katniss is loading up a plate from food in the fridge before she's heating it up. A peacekeeper pops in and goes over to the sink, washes his hand, and then leaves. Another one comes in sweeping from one end to the other. And another one comes in and gets a glass of water before flitting away.

Each time, Seneca watches incredulously, eyes following them from beginning to end. He has the urge to rub at his eyes, wondering if they were working correcting or had one of the experiments messed with his senses again. Before he has a chance to think about it, Katniss is sitting across from him, with his plate in front of him, and suddenly unloading everything that's happened that day. He listens patiently, amused at the retelling of the victors' antics, but grows more serious as Katniss starts in on Snow's visit.

"I see. No wonder everyone's a little pissed off and out of sorts," Seneca mumbles, before sighing and shaking his head, though it comes to a shock to him that the rumor of the conversion to a monarchy was actually true (he doesn't even let his mind compute the fact he's basically marrying a princess; he honestly wouldn't be able to handle it at the moment). He reaches into his inside breast pocket and fishes out something. "So…I know it's not much, compared to Snow's extravagant jewels...but Merry Christmas."

It's Katniss' Mockingjay pin, whose needle had broken off quite some time ago –to her disappointment –but it's been made into a necklace.

"It'll be easier to wear and hide it under your shirts, that way Snow won't see it and think to snatch it from you," Seneca explains. "It's not something that can be replaced, right? So you have to be careful with it, and a necklace is easier to keep and wear without surface detection."

"Thank you," Katniss gently takes it from him. "I thought I wouldn't be able to wear it again."

"I'm sorry I didn't put it in a fancy box or something," he says sheepishly, but she just waves it off.

"No, I'm sick of pretty boxes," her voice is bitter.

"Well then, I must've read your mind," he lightly jokes and her lips slightly twitches up.

She leans forward and brushes her lips against his. "Merry Christmas," she murmurs and tugs at his hand.

He hmms in delight, but becomes confused at her expectant look. She rolls her eyes and gives a more significant look as she tugs at his hand again. He sees the pretty red ribbon she's been wearing in her hair all day and then looks back to her and her meaningful gaze and just stares.

She takes his hand and leads him to their room.

_**Midnight Snack:** _

Everyone's skipped dinner, so periodically they would all come out of their rooms to come to the kitchen and fetch a snack at different intervals. By midnight, everyone's already had their 'midnight snack' before it was actually that time.

Katniss is quietly reflecting at her kitchen table, a cup of hot cocoa in hand as she gazes off into space, though occasionally her mind drifts back to the handsome man she left behind in their bed. The doorbell startles her out of her thoughts, and she thinks the other victors have probably been startled awake but are forcing themselves to calm down and not react to the noise any more than they had. They're probably forcing themselves back to sleep right at that moment…

She goes to her door again, wondering if she should be feeling dread, but while there _is_ a Snow at her front door, it is a different one.

She can't fathom why Blasius Snow would be at her front door at that time at night.

"Um…I was just passing by. I was in the neighborhood," he tells her in his soft-spoken voice.

Both don't say how unlikely that is as her home is far off from the Capitol and no one is supposed to visit her; she's not even sure Snow's son himself is exempted from that.

"Come in," she invites him and he only hesitates for a moment, before he nods and treads into her house.

She shows him to her kitchen, where she'd been, and offers him something to snack on and a mug of cocoa.

"Oh…yes, please," he's flustered, but he's much more lively and more of himself (as she would guess) than the first time she'd met him.

His delight at a slice of her apple pie is muted, but considering that his personality is usually subdued, it meant much more. She smiles slightly and takes a seat from the other side of the table.

"Is there something I can do for you, Mr. Snow?" she asks congenially, much more at ease with the son than the father. His muddy brown eyes (so alike to Lucilla's, that Katniss doesn't know how she couldn't have ever connected the two and why she never thought Lucilla was Blasius' daughter) alight onto her and she's surprised by the unusual intensity he's displaying.

"Just Blasius, Miss Everdeen. Like…Father said," his mouth tightens into a scowl at the mention of his father before smoothing over, "With the coronation, we'll be family."

Katniss winces at the reminder of the event she'd rather forget, but manages to acknowledge his request with a nod.

"Then just Katniss," she returns quietly.

"As to why I'm here," he hesitates. "I…was recently informed of your pregnancy. You're only about two months long, right?"

Katniss blinks. "Ah, yes." Though, she's not sure why he would be informed or why he would care about it.

"If you…if you recall," he swallows here. "In the month of November, the first two weeks you were assigned to a specific person only. I-I know I don't particularly have a memorable face or personality; according to my father I'm a spineless, useless idiot…but in those two weeks, you were very kind to me. I'm pretty sure you don't _remember_ me, but before our official meeting where Father introduced me to you…you'd been forced to sleep with me."

Katniss is rather stunned at that revelation, recalling more vividly that time. She remembers that she _had_ been ordered to be with one person for the beginning of November, and while she had remembered the time clearly, she had always had trouble remembering a face. She knows she forgot him partly because it had been a strained time with Seneca, but also (as he resignedly acknowledged) his looks and the way he was had never stood out, especially with the Capitol people the two of them were surrounded with.

She also hears the part unsaid in his words where she just has that gut feeling that _he'd_ been forced to sleep with _her_.

"For the rest of November, you didn't have to be with anyone else…," he says quietly. "So by the timing…I'm very certain that's my…that's my baby."

Well…that certainly explains why he found out about the pregnancy or why he'd cared about it.

Started 12/8/12 – Completed 12/23/12


	18. Colors

_**Green:** _

Green. Katniss has been in love with the color green ever since she was little, and the different shades of green of the forest had drawn her to it. She's always thought, if ever she would actually agree to be married –she'd want a green wedding. Green flowers, green dresses for the bridesmaid, green decorations…

Before she began to love blue, because of her love of Seneca's bright, electrifying blue eyes, green had been her favorite color.

She sees green everywhere now. She sees green in Blasius' face at the anticipation and anxiety of being a father, and they talk about what to do in the future of things. He is so far from being like his father that she never feels uncomfortable with him and it's easy talking with him.

She wonders if she imagines the flecks of green in his muddy brown eyes.

Seneca comes in the bright, early morning, confused at Blasius' presence, but gives him a welcoming smile and her a warm one. He starts the coffeemaker, not saying anything. She knows he won't push for answers and will wait patiently for her to tell him anything, and she's grateful because she's still kind of processing the new twist in her world.

She sees green in Seneca when she tells him the news, but he doesn't say anything to either of them and Blasius is oblivious. Seneca is still the same towards the man and she's even more grateful than before because she thinks Blasius is rather fragile (if a Snow can be fragile), though she's sure that Seneca would know that more than she and probably does know it because he's known Blasius longer than her.

The different shades of green are all vibrant. And natural. Natural green of nature, the natural green of feeling sick, the natural green of an emotion that is natural to feel. All things that are a part of nature and can't be helped.

Just like the green of the landscape outside, that peeks out from the snow covered canvas –and the very naked Johanna Mason, who stands in the middle of it and basks in the rising sun.

Katniss can't help the hysterical laughter bubbling up, and thinks it's good to have met Johanna and that this strange but oddly delightful moment has lightened things in her mind for now.

_**Black:** _

Seneca is sitting quietly by the window, gazing outside as he sits sedately with a thoughtful look on his face. She comes closer to him and straddles his lap, laying her forehead against his as she gently holds his face.

"The year's off to a bad start," he says honestly, because he accepts everything and there's many he can't do…but he won't lie and says he likes much of it. "But I'll always take care of you," he murmurs.

She kisses him slowly, blinks back tears, and grabs his hand and leads it to her stomach. She thinks about the baby and thinks she's okay with having it now, with so many supporting her. But like him, a part of her will probably never be happy about it either –not unless Panem wasn't the way it was, Snow was dead, and the world was changed as a whole.

As far as she is concerned, everything is black because the whole world is surrounded in darkness, and it's not a world she wants to raise a child in.

_**Yellow:** _

The yellow of the sun is blinding, and the snow is melting as they loiter lazily outside. They're having a barbecue in the midst of the snow, but the sun's shining and yellow is prettily reflecting off of the snow, so it's all good and they don't mind the weirdness of the activity.

Seneca isn't cooking, despite being the best cook in the group. Katniss isn't either, despite being the next best cook. The two of them are relaxing by the pool, with one floating on her back and the other drifting in and out of sleep as he lays his head on his arms at the poolside, and keeps the rest of his body cooled in the water.

Brutus has been banned from the grill.

It's surprisingly Blasius who has taken control of the burgers and hotdogs and steaks and everything the group had wanted to stuff themselves silly with.

He calmly focuses on the food, not paying attention to the others and not aware of the wary glances the victors (minus Katniss and Seneca) send towards him every now and then. They were told of who he was, in relation to Snow and now to Katniss, and they're not sure what to make of him.

He's too passive to be a Snow, but he is. They can't really be on guard with him because he's so submissive, but that he is, nevertheless, a Snow makes them jumpy. That he is the father of Katniss' baby makes them angry, but at the same time he seems like a good person, both Seneca and Katniss approves of him, and he's trying to be supportive and kind and helpful to Katniss makes them not mind him as much.

They want to be angry and hate him, but when he's such a docile and meek man, they just can't do it.

In retrospect, they have a feeling that they would afterwards feel like bullies (or worse case scenario, like Snow when he's ridiculing his own son).

The scenery of yellow doesn't match their moods or the atmosphere, but Blasius makes an idle comment that makes everyone explode into words and excitement.

Katniss ignores the others and tells Blasius that she hasn't, actually, done any wedding planning.

"Let's make it as crazy as possible!" Johanna claps her hands, and everyone pretends not to see the glint in her eyes that bodes trouble for probably everyone.

"I want elephants," Katniss deadpans. "Lots and lots of elephants."

"And I want snow leopards. Preferably _skinned_ ," Seneca adds.

Katniss huffs. "I'm being serious. I really want elephants."

"Why would you want elephants?" Finnick blinks, but Johanna is all for it because she really wants to go for a crazy wedding and thinks it'll be hilarious and outright fun.

Katniss grins. "It'll be torture on Snow. He wants to push this so badly, then I want to make it as hard on him as possible. It's _my_ wedding and I should get what I want, right? So I'm going to come up with a lot of impossible or downright stupid or insane things for the wedding, even if I don't actually want it."

"Yes, bridezilla Katniss!" Cashmere cheers, and Johanna full heartedly agrees, though Annie looks at them weirdly.

Unnoticeably, Blasius gives a small smile and stays in the background, where he much prefers being and is used to, and he looks at the group and thinks he rather likes this small tight nit group and having what little part with them that he could.

Yellow was a good color to describe the day after all.

_**Red:** _

It was to everyone's consternation and apprehension that someone sent word that Snow was coming for Katniss to take her for her bridal fitting. They all wait in hiding in the bunker, with Marcus Seneca promising to retrieve Katniss and Seneca when Snow is close. When the time comes, her Head Peacekeeper, as promised, came for her and Seneca. The couple goes to their kitchen and pretends to be having tea there all along, talking to each other about the goings on of the Capitol as pretend idle talk.

Snow is there in no time.

Katniss gives Snow a mocking smile, because he wouldn't have anything less, and kisses Seneca's cheek in goodbye as she heads over to the President. They leave her home, and she no longer feels safe or prepared, and everything is out of her control. She feels cagey and the urge to lash out like a wounded animal cornered overcomes her.

She focuses on her breaths, trying to keep her mind off of those feelings and the situation she is stuck in.

Soon enough, they've reached the bridal dress store in complete silence. Once inside, she realizes that no one else is there and that Snow has probably had the store closed down for however long it would take for them to find a dress.

It is surreal shopping for her wedding dress with President Snow.

"It's an honor to have you here today, Miss Everdeen," the store's owner personally greets her after a respectful greeting to the President. He wears a large smile that accompanies his bright purple eyes and his dark green hair, and it oddly matches and she's sure it suits him somehow. "I've put out my best dresses for you. I hope you'll find one you like."

Katniss sends him a small smile that he beams at.

They're put in a private room, and several dresses are laid out fully on a table for her to shift through. One by one, she tries them on halfheartedly, not caring so much with Snow there. It feels disturbing doing this with him, but she understands there's only so much defiance she can deal out.

The last one, however, is the one she actually likes and the one Snow stops her with. She stands in front of the mirror, admiring the dress on her, and _just for the slight second_ she feels happy and excited about getting married. And then Snow ruins it, standing from his seat and going to stand behind her, his hands landing heavily on her shoulders. He smiles coldly at her in their reflection in the mirror.

"Beautiful choice. This is it, isn't it? _The_ dress. It's very lovely," Snow murmurs, his hands squeezing painfully on her shoulders, that she's sure it'll leave marks. "I wonder who'll be the first to slip this exquisite dress off of you. Your husband or a very eager client?"

It's like a slap to the face, the reminder of her duties. So busy thinking about the wedding and that she was going to have a baby (and then the new bombshell of Blasius being the father), she hadn't had time to think back to the 'Capitol dates' she had to go on. In a way, she had slightly thought that after her wedding, she wouldn't have to go on them anymore. Well, at least it'd been a vague thought anyways…

"I'll have to leave you for now, but I'll be sure to get this dress ready for the day."

Snow leaves her behind and she stares blankly at herself in the mirror. Her breath is speeding up without her knowing and she starts to see red, the beautiful white wedding dress on her tints in a scarlet red to match her vision. She doesn't even realize she's screaming and going on a rage around the room, tearing the other dresses apart and slamming her hands against the mirror. She feels hands around her wrists, restraining her, and she doesn't hear the soothing voice as she yanks a hand out of a grip and lashes out, landing a slap against the person's face.

She momentarily phases back into reality, blinking back tears as she stares up into the face of the owner of the store, who looks back at her with wide eyes. She looks around the wreck she's made of the room, the torn dresses, and the red handprint against his cheek.

"I-I'm so sorry," she says, and then she repeats it over and over until she's becoming hysterical in another way.

The store owner shakes his head rapidly and firmly grasps onto her. "No, no, it's alright. It's okay, Miss Everdeen. It's fine. Please don't be upset. Just don't cry anymore. How about some tea? Would you like some tea?"

She sees a hand gently touch onto his shoulder, and they both look up to see Johanna standing there with a tired expression. She jerks her head back.

"It's alright. I'll take over now. You go on and make that tea," she directs to the store owner, who hesitates as he glances in worry back at Katniss before nodding sharply and hurries out.

Johanna kneels in front of Katniss and grabs onto her shoulders, forcing her to look back at her. She smiles sadly.

"Haymitch wanted me to see you and pass on his drunken greetings."

Katniss stares at her and then she starts to haltingly laugh and cry at the same time.

 _ **Blue**_ :

Her wedding dress is laid out on the bed. The wedding tiara is laid on top of it, and she's ignoring both of them as she stares down at her hands.

"Isn't the bride looking a little gloomy for her wedding day?"

She can't believe she's hearing that voice and she nearly stands, but Haymitch's heavy hands are on her shoulders and they are so much more comforting and assuring than Snow's that she almost cries in relief.

"Come now, sweetheart. Your wedding is tomorrow. There shouldn't be any tears," he mutters, and she thinks it's so strange to see him sober and cleaned up. He steers her head back towards the mirror and she's still staring at him in awe, still disbelieving of his presence there.

"What's that old wives tale? Something a bride should have for luck on her wedding day. 'Something old,'" and he takes her mockingjay necklace and ties it around her messy bun. "'Something new,'" he places two beautiful pearl earrings on her ears. "'Something borrowed' –these were my Ma's. You can keep 'em. S'not like I'll have any use for them," Haymitch says as he slips on two silky gloves onto her hands.

"'Something blue,'" they both murmur, and her jaw drops slightly at the sight of the blue crystal necklace he drapes around her neck. It's shaped as a teardrop, with several blue diamonds spaced out on the chain.

"A gift from District 12," Haymitch pats her shoulder. "A wedding gift from all of us. You've been missed."

Her eyes tear up as she looks up at him through the mirror.

"'And a silver sixpence in her shoe,'" Haymitch reaches behind her ear and somehow pulls out an actual silver sixpence and hands it to her. "I can't be there for your wedding, sweetheart. But how about I get that first dance? Can't walk you down that aisle either, bastard Snow will probably do it, but a dance'll do."

And Katniss wipes her tears away and stands up, taking Haymitch's offered hand, and the two of them slow dance to a song that doesn't play and she cries into his front.

Home. A reminder of home was all she ever wanted.

A little later, the whole group is there and they hold their own private wedding practice, goofing around and being together, and Haymitch gets to walk her down this aisle since he can't the next day.

Seneca watches and wishes he can do more for his soon to be wife, than just sneak in an old mentor to comfort her.

_**White:** _

It's there. It's finally there. Her wedding day. She's going to be married today.

 _Married_.

She's wearing her wedding dress, with her lacy boat neckline and the wedding veil that hangs from her head. Her wedding tiara is placed onto her head, but Cinna's thread her mockingjay necklace through her styled hair and the mockingjay emblem is lying flat and clear on the long veil. She wears the silk gloves and the peacock blue necklace and the pearl earrings proudly, and she gathers the courage to go out there.

This is it. From then on, she is going to be a married woman.

She takes a deep breath and the doors open, and she's walking down the aisle with the whole of Panem watching every step. She's thankful that at least Snow hadn't decided to walk her down the aisle, but he is watching closely and has a front seat, sitting on her side of the wedding.

Blasius acts as Best Man, and Finnick, Gloss, and Brutus are the groomsmen, with her and Seneca pretending that they picked them because they were fellow 'victors' as an excuse to Snow. She'd used the same excuse, and has Cashmere as her Maid of Honor, and Annie, Johanna, and Enobaria –who she just met that day –as bridesmaids.

The chairs are filled with Capitol people she knows and doesn't, and there are cameras everywhere. She actually got her elephants and her green decorations and flowers, which she actually did want, and Seneca manages to sneak in the monkey mutts prototype he'd been working on, and everyone misses the private in-joke the two shares.

She needs whatever comfort, humor, and resolve she could scramble for, because this wedding is her resignation and her bowed submission to Snow, even though no one knows this. Not the other victors, and not even Seneca.

Because a part of her is so very tired, and she will do whatever she can to protect her family back home and here in the Capitol, Seneca, and now this baby coming on the way.

She is at least glad that her district knows the truth of her and Seneca's relationship, and hadn't been planning on killing him or thinking badly of her all this time. She thinks she is grateful and happy that she had managed to sneak back to her district all that time ago, and leave that message to a kind baker who lost his son and the brief reunion with her sister, both of which has managed to spread the truth of her and Seneca.

She looks to him now and he smiles softly at her.

Katniss smiles back and lets the chains be clamped on, because as long as she has this man she can endure whatever comes her way willingly.

Started 2/15/13 – Completed 2/17/13


	19. Interlude: Special Time With the Victors

_**Brutus:** _

"Where's Seneca? Working, huh?" Brutus asked boisterously as his greeting.

Katniss couldn't bite back her smile.

"Yup. Coming in still, Brutus?"

"Are you kidding me? Of course! It's more fun just you and me anyway –that stickler for the rules," he huffed, and slipped passed her and into her home.

"My room still here intact?" he grinned cheekily. Hermes immediately flew into the room and sought out the victor, happily settling onto Brutus' head like the jabberjay belonged there. Brutus cooed fondly and reached out with one blunt finger to gently stroke the bird's head.

That silly bird had an odd fondness and attachment to Brutus, and always came to the victor when he was over. It made Katniss smile and think it sweet.

"Yes, despite Seneca wanting to demolish it after that stunt you pulled," Katniss smirked at him. "You're lucky that I managed to convince him to let it go and that he'd calmed down enough to think it wasn't worth the effort."

"Oh, he knows he loves me," Brutus snickered, leading the way to her kitchen, where he sought out her fridge and then began rummaging through it.

"Are you hungry?" she asked sarcastically.

"Starving!" he exclaimed enthusiastically, and then found leftover schwarma that he grabbed. "Ohh, I want to try this!"

Katniss' lips quirked up a little. "Go heat it up, you big lug. I'll go get some wine for you."

He strangely hesitated. "I'm good on wine, thanks. I'll just go with water. And you're…sure I can have this?" he oddly sounded childlike and unsure.

Katniss stared at him, bewildered, though she tried not to show it.

"Brutus, you alright?" she asked, placing a hand on his shoulder worriedly.

His lips twitched and he gave her a halfhearted smile.

"Yeah…yeah, I'm good."

She watched him quietly as he heated up the food without another word, and then sat at her table and began to eat, still not speaking either. He had a faraway look on his face and he was uncharacteristically subdued.

She walked towards him and gingerly sat herself down on one of the chairs next to him. When she turned to him, he was staring down at his bowl tiredly.

"Brutus?"

"I get so tired sometimes," he blurted out passively. "Sometimes I get so bummed out and I don't know why. Sometimes I do know why. Sometimes I just don't _care_ anymore. I really like it here in the house, you know? You're always here –no offense, and I know you're actually really trapped and locked up and everything. It's just…I can count on you being here and it's not lonely anymore. I don't…I don't feel so lonely. You're always here, so I'm always here. The apartment Seneca gave me is great and all, but it's not the same. I just like spending all my time here. It doesn't feel so empty, like when I'm by myself."

Katniss looked at him in astonishment, but he wasn't done.

"I'm…" he started blinking his eyes rapidly, and she was caught off guard to see him fighting back tears. "I don't know what to do with myself this time."

"Oh, Brutus," she murmured, reaching out and touching his wrist. She was taken aback to see him hiss and roughly pull his arm away, before glancing at her with wide eyes. Her own eyes widened as she saw the sleeve of his shirt bleed red.

He audibly swallowed. "I…sort of fucked myself up last night."

Two drops of tears rolled down his face and then he was breaking down in front of her, shoulders shaking and quiet sobs escaping him. She reached over without a second thought, pulling him into her arms.

"Definitely no alcohol for you, Brutus."

"Yeah…I kind of drank myself to the point of passing out last night."

"You idiot," but her voice held no malice.

"I'm not being a burden, am I? I don't want to be bothering you and coming all the time, taking food, and annoying you," and it actually hurt her to hear and see him be so vulnerable and childish, with all the hesitancy with the expectancy of being rejected.

He hesitantly reached around her and embraced her back, still crying silently.

"It's just, before you –and even Seneca –everything seemed so lifeless."

Katniss sighed and ran a hand through his salt and pepper hair.

"You really are a silly, big lug."

_**Gloss:** _

"Where are we going?" Katniss asked Gloss in confusion, as the victor enthusiastically grabbed her hand and tugged her along.

The handsome man grinned back at her. "It's a secret~"

"I don't like secrets," she deadpanned.

He laughed lightly. "Don't worry! It's not bad! You'll like it, I promise."

Still skeptical, she sighed and allowed the victor to drag her after him. Her eyes widened when she saw just exactly where he had dragged her off to.

"Is this…?"

"Yup," he smiled widely at her. "A playground. It's a bit abandoned because it's old school and there's a high tech playground made a few blocks away, so we have this one all to ourselves."

"I've never been to a playground before," she murmured. "A real one, at least. At District 12, my dad and some of the others tried to make one a long time ago. We couldn't really manage one, and it fell apart a few years after. The swing is still there though," she added as an afterthought.

"Let's go to the swings then!" Gloss grabbed her hand again and led her there. She let herself laugh freely and go after him this time, going along more willingly now that she knew what he was up to.

They managed to go through all of the play sets there, before they settled on the merry go round, where she sat and held onto a rail as Gloss stood half on it and had a foot out as he pushed off and began gathering speed. She giggled a bit before full on laughing as they went faster and she enjoyed the speed.

As they slowed down, Katniss turned to Gloss in confusion, only to see he'd plopped down with his back to her, slumped slightly as his head hung over his lap with his legs stretched out on the merry go round. Crawling over to his side, she hesitantly touched his back.

"Gloss?"

"I wish the Games were fun like this," he muttered.

She flinched and stared at his back. Hesitantly, she reached around him and embraced him from behind, laying her face against him.

"Seneca's a lucky bastard," his voice was strained. "I wish…I wish I had met you before him."

She said nothing, but squeezed him slightly.

For awhile, they were like that, with Gloss quietly crying and Katniss holding onto him and respectfully not forcing him to show his face and his tears.

_**Cashmere:** _

There was loud banging on her door. Katniss stared at it in confusion and tried to think of who it could be. No one really banged on her door like that, not even Brutus who had the brute strength and personality to do so –but he, despite his sometimes boisterous self, was usually a contained individual.

Warily, she approached the door and looked out the peephole, only to see –to her surprise –that it was Cashmere, of all people, that had been the one to be banging raucously on her door like that. She couldn't see the other woman too clearly, but she looked slightly off.

Opening the door, she was caught off guard when the older woman embraced her as soon as the door was opened and had revealed Katniss to the other.

"Ah, Katniss darling! There you are!"

Katniss sniffed lightly and could smell the slight alcoholic scent clinging to the woman.

"Cashmere? Are you alright?"

"Fabulous," Cashmere leaned back slightly, smiling lazily. "Is Seneca here tonight?"

"No, he's staying late at work," Katniss furrowed her eyebrows.

Cashmere gave her an exaggerated pout. "Too bad. I was hoping for a threesome with you two. Ah well! Let's have a girls' night then, Katniss! Just you and me."

And despite her odd words, the hopeful smile she had made Katniss smile slightly and help her in.

"Do you want some tea or coffee?" she asked, hiding her worry so as to not alarm the other and let her know that Katniss knew she was drunk and out of it. And she was hoping the other would accept, so that the hot drink could help sober up the other. Even water to hydrate the other female…

"Nah! Let's break out the alcohol cabinet!" Cashmere giggled, slumping against Katniss' kitchen table.

Aside from her pregnancy, which she still hadn't told the others about yet, she really didn't think it would be a good idea, with Cashmere's current state.

"Let me get you some water," Katniss insisted, and went to do that quickly.

"You know, I'm _really_ happy it's just you and me for girls' night," Cashmere hummed. "I don't really get along with Johanna," whom Katniss had yet to meet, "Annie…no offense to her or Finnick, but she's crazy and I don't really know how to deal with her. And the others are too old and Enobaria is fucked in the head as much as Brutus and I really don't know how to deal with her either. Really, you're the only girl I really, really get along with, despite being younger than me."

Katniss blinked at her, having not known that. It wasn't really obvious, but then again the only time Cashmere had been around the others, it had been a group thing and Katniss was there.

"Katniss~ I wish you were a guy," despite the sing-song way Cashmere had said it, she also seemed very serious. Katniss stared at her. "I'd want to be with you…You'd be gentle with me, wouldn't you?"

Katniss swallowed heavily and gave her a strained smile. "Of course, Cashmere. I think we should get you to bed and let you sleep this off."

She went over to the other female victor and helped her up, letting the taller female lean on her.

"You'd be the type to make me happy, won't you?" Cashmere murmured against her hair, leaning more heavily. "Hey, Little Red, how are you dealing with all the wolves around you? Can I devour you too? I want my own piece of Katniss."

Katniss inwardly sighed as she gave Cashmere a sad smile. She led her to a room and helped her to lie down on the bed. Cashmere splayed out on the bed, still looking beautiful as she smiled sleepily at Katniss.

"Please be kind to me?" she asked, voice rather childish.

Katniss brushed back her hair, letting Cashmere grab her arm and awkwardly let her plant small kisses on it and to her wrist and then to her palm.

"Men are such pigs," Cashmere murmured against Katniss' skin. "I'm gonna steal you away from Seneca, 'kay?"

"Sleep," Katniss said softly, taking her hand away before brushing it through Cashmere's hair. "Sleep, sweetheart."

"I…want to…be happy," Cashmere mumbled, before falling asleep.

Katniss stayed there with her, long after she'd been asleep, sitting by her side.

_**Finnick:** _

She brushed her lips against his neck, and shifted closer. He buried his hand into her hair and moved her head, kissing her deeply.

This was not her fiancé.

This was _Finnick_ , one of her very good friends and someone she trusted completely. This was Finnick and she was kissing him and it was all very wrong.

And there was a couple nearby, watching them earnestly and it felt weird and she was so uncomfortable, but Finnick pulled back and gave her an easy and reassuring grin. So she forced herself to relax and let herself be touched by her friend.

Because it wasn't like either of them had a real say in this anyway.

She held his head in her hands, feelings her tears cling to her eyelashes. She kissed him sweetly and placed her face against his.

"Please don't tell Seneca about this," she whispered into his ear.

He kissed her back in answer, giving a smile full of understanding and sorrow after.

Besides, there was no need to drag Seneca into this "Victors' Paradise" mess, and pull him further into their misery and further guilt him about this whole mess.

Best to keep him ignorant as much as they could.

_**Annie:** _

"Katniss?" Finnick's voice was panicked on the other side of the phone line.

"Finnick? What's wrong?" she asked immediately, feeling knots form in her stomach.

"Jeezus, they fucking have me set up the whole day and night, but I'd brought Annie here. It would mean the world if you could take care of her for me, and let her sleep over," Finnick sounded frustrated.

"Sure, of course," she rushed to agree and reassure the other. "Bring her right over."

"Thank you so much, Katniss," Finnick sounded relieved. "I'll be there in a few."

When she opened her door next, Finnick stood there looking unhappy, while Annie oppositely looked bright and cheerful.

"Katniss! We get to spend time together! I'm so excited," Annie grinned, entirely bubbly and looking forward to the sleepover.

"I really appreciate this," Finnick muttered, running a hand through his hair. "I'll come back and get her tomorrow morning, I promise."

"Don't worry about it," Katniss took Annie and brought her further into the home. "She'll be fine here. I'll take care of her, Finnick."

Finnick gave her a grateful smile. "Thanks again, Katniss. Bye you two. Have fun." He leaned over and kissed Annie apologetically, before kissing Katniss' cheek goodbye. With one last backward wave, he was gone.

Annie pouted. "I'm going to miss Finnick…but I got Katniss instead at least!" the older woman tossed her arms around Katniss and hugged her tightly, rubbing her face affectionately against Katniss' shoulder.

Katniss sighed in fond exasperation, but patted Annie's head comfortingly.

After having lunch together, Annie pleaded for Katniss to brush her hair. Bewildered, Katniss agreed and set Annie up at her dresser, where she grabbed her brush before sitting next to Annie and having the other female turned to the side. She began gently brushing Annie's lovely red hair, saying nothing about Annie humming the song that Katniss usually sung to Prim, and had only recently sung it to a dying Rue –and probably where Annie had heard it from.

"Katniss is so motherly," Annie murmured. "I miss my mother…"

Katniss tentatively stopped brushing, reaching around Annie to hold the other's hand.

"I love Finnick and he's mine and I don't like sharing him with all those other people," Katniss was a little disturbed and worried that Annie seemed to know about Finnick's "appointments," having thought the other was oblivious. "But Katniss is okay because she really loves Seneca and she – _you_ –love Finnick and you love me and you love Brutus and Gloss and Cashmere and all the others and everyone loves you too," Annie rambled.

Katniss reached up and ran her fingers through the top of Annie's hair, who leaned further into her hand.

"That's right, it's 'you.' Remember not to speak in third person or talk about others in that way," Katniss said softly, focusing instead on that. Because everything else just made her feel like having a panic attack.

"Can Katniss –you –braid my hair like your braid?" Annie tilted her head slightly so she could look at Katniss with wide eyes.

"Whatever you'd like, Annie," Katniss said fondly.

And when they were going to sleep that night and Annie made her unusual request, Katniss couldn't refuse.

"Finnick usually stays by my side and holds me so I can go to sleep," Annie scuffed her feet anxiously on the carpet. "Can Katniss hold me and stay with me until I fall asleep, before she goes off to wait for Seneca?"

She couldn't say no, so she lay down with Annie and held the other, even humming what she'd silently dubbed as "Rue's Lullaby" to the other female victor, who was quickly lulled to sleep.

_**Chaff:** _

"So, Katniss, I'd like to introduce you to Chaff –he's a victor from District 11. He's a friend of your mentor Haymitch," Plutarch smiled, introducing the tall dark-skinned man, who grinned largely at her and then –to her surprise –stepped forward and kissed her quickly on the mouth.

Shocked and bewildered, Katniss stared at the laughing duo, with Seneca muting his amusement (though he couldn't seem to not smile).

"Um…nice to meet you. I'm a bit familiar with you –if only because I've spent years watching you and Haymitch passing a bottle back and forth on television," Katniss made herself say, refusing to be the only one as the butt of a joke.

Chaff burst out laughing, guffawing loudly as he smacked his knee in amusement.

"Ah, a spitfire, this one!"

He slung an arm around her shoulders and Katniss smirked to herself. Hah! She can tease back too –all of them better watch out. Gloss, Cashmere, and Finnick were especially prone to teasing her…

"So, if you don't mind hosting Chaff for the day, while Plutarch and I head over to work, I would really appreciate this," Seneca asked her, smiling slightly. There was a bit of a twinkle to his eyes that she caught, but didn't know what it meant. She was growing suspicious.

Katniss agreed, but was still curious and slightly wary about what was going on. And for sure, she knew something was up. She had a gut feeling, and her gut was usually spot on about these things.

"Katniss, I have some gifts for you," Chaff announced suddenly, catching her off guard.

"Gifts? What do you mean? And really, you shouldn't have –"

But Chaff slowly took out a bundle from his bag and she lost her voice staring at what looked to be a large amount of letters.

"Haymitch passed it on to me –said that the whole of District 12 were dying to write to you. A Peacekeeper named Darius and a young man named Gale were especially insistent that their letters were included and would make sure to make their way to you."

She sucked in a harsh breath, feeling tears pricking her eyes.

"Your district would go to hell for you," he said softly.

Her voice was strangled as she spoke back.

"And I would walk through fire for them."

_**Haymitch:** _

It was a happy surprise to have Haymitch there. Though she was a little sad that he wouldn't be able to walk her down the aisle for her real wedding, she was happy he was there at all. He felt like a rock in a sea of turmoil she was going through, and aside from Seneca, it was hard for her to find anyone to truly be able to hold onto and let herself show any kind of weakness.

"I'm as glad to see you as you are to see me, sweetheart," Haymitch grinned sloppily at her.

"Are you really?" she asked sarcastically, though she let herself grin playfully after to show that she wasn't as caustic about him as she had been before.

Too much had happened and she missed whatever link to her old life she could have.

"Are you really happy here, Katniss?" he asked softly.

And Katniss could honestly reply with, "Yes. I, despite everything Snow throws at me, I can say I am. Seneca has made me happy, despite it all, and through whatever problems, I've gained so many unlikely friends. Hell, ironically, I've gained more friends now than back when I was in District 12 –as messed up as the other victors are, I really love them all."

Haymitch snorted. "Only you would seem to get along and collect the victors, and train them to be lovable pets."

Katniss rolled her eyes, smacking his arm in warning.

He smiled grimly. "Still, I'm relieved you are really happy with Seneca and actually with him willingly. And that you'd managed to win so many people to your side and gain more friends and family, even in this new caged life."

She found it was hard to believe as well, but in the end, she was honest about being content in this place.

It was a strange epiphany.

When she started crying, she didn't know if they were happy tears, sad tears, or even tears in between…but Haymitch was quick to pull her into his arms and hold her, rocking her back and forth.

"Shh now, Katniss," Haymitch murmured. "Seneca's done a good job with you, and making you happy. He's done a good job…"

And Katniss agreed, so she dried her tears and continued to hold onto Haymitch.

_**Johanna:** _

"I lost everyone and everything," Johanna surprisingly told her, the morning of Katniss' wedding.

Katniss slowly put down her mug of coffee, watching the other woman warily.

"Snow took everything from me. That's why I don't give a fuck. And I can't wait to see everything just blow up in his ugly face," Johanna grinned maliciously at the thought.

For a moment, there was a comfortable silence between the two.

"Make sure to fuck him up real good, won't you?" Johanna turned to her, with serious eyes. "Make him pay for all of us. Burn that motherfucker and his empire to the _ground_ , Girl on Fire."

Katniss studied the other with solemn eyes.

"I'll leave a trail blazing behind me," she made her silent promise to Johanna.

Johanna grinned at that, before leaning back precariously and folding her arms behind her head as she gazed at the sky.

Started 11/9/13 – Completed 12/1/13


	20. Body Parts I

_**Ear:** _

Katniss is quiet, knowing that her wedding is over and there is still more to come. More that she doesn't want to deal with. Unfortunately, it comes still.

The reception almost just comes and goes, and she admits that she had enjoyed it in the beginning, but it is reserved and Snow is there and watching. She manages a dance from each of her male friends, and Gloss and Finnick are fair dancers in their waltzes and manages to keep her from stumbling and making an embarrassment of herself. However, Brutus is as unconfident and clumsy in his steps as she is and they both stumble several times. She still enjoys it the best of the dances, aside from the first dance she takes with her new husband, because it feels so natural somehow in its imperfectness and feels right in that.

As they turn away from Snow, Brutus bends slightly to whisper in her ear.

"I'm sorry I can't dance," he's definitely embarrassed.

Snow is still watching, so it's hard for Katniss to find a way to reply.

"Pick me up," she mumbles against him.

And he does, grabbing hold of her and picking her up slightly in the dance and out of characterized from a waltz (but by then it's obvious to everyone that they're not natural dancers or have any clue). It's enough though, for her to bend slightly down and accommodate his tall height so she can unobtrusively whisper back in his ear.

"It's okay."

He puts her back down and since her back is to Snow, she can send him a warm, reassuring smile.

Brutus is also unable to show he's relieved, but at least they had as meaningful an exchange as they could in the presence of Snow. Seneca, herself, Brutus, Gloss, Finnick, Cashmere…they are all aware of themselves and their interactions, and know all they can do is whisper into each other's ears secretly.

But, as Finnick would know, secrets come easily into their ears as well, so it's an action that can benefit them.

_**Mouth:** _

Katniss is unsurprised when Snow approaches her after the reception. She glances at Seneca, whose face is blank. But she can see the anger and the helplessness in his eyes.

But they both knew this was probably the outcome, and they'd expected it. Katniss is glad to have given herself to Seneca when she did, but it doesn't take away from the fact that her wedding night is ruined and that this would tarnish her memories of her wedding.

Unsurprisingly, she is made to go into a car after the reception and sent off to wherever she has to be, leaving her new husband behind. At least (hopefully), the others will be there tonight, but she doubts it. For tonight, she thinks, they would be watched carefully and staying at the hotel they were stationed at for the wedding, once Snow had first found out who and why they'd chosen as part of their wedding party.

The scrutiny is unnerving and puts them on edge, and their inability to help either Katniss or Seneca ups the tension.

But Katniss keeps her mouth close, because speaking out now would put them all under more scrutiny and suspicion.

They couldn't afford that.

_**Tooth (Teeth):** _

She is only a little surprised to find out that the client she is to entertain is the man who owns the wedding dress boutique that had made her dress. Snow escorts her in and then thankfully leaves, but Katniss is awkward and not sure what to do.

"You look beautiful in your wedding dress," he says sincerely, proudly even (of course, it's his wedding dress design she wears).

"Thank you," she says simply, wondering if she is to kiss him. She misses Seneca already and wishes she was with him right now, but understands Snow's games that he plays are what keeps them from being completely suffocated in his grip.

"My friend is part of this system, but he let me know and pulled some strings," he starts to ramble, obviously nervous. "I was relieved and happy that I was able to get you for the night."

She nods, not sure what to say to him, except maybe apologize again for that outburst she had in his shop. He continues anyway.

"Um, I have a few dresses I hope you don't mind modeling for me –"

Katniss clutches onto her nerve and leans in to kiss him, shocking him still and silent. Surprisingly he is the one to pull away, even though he's completely red.

"I know you're supposed to be here for that," he starts off reluctantly, "but I only wanted to help you and keep you happy for your wedding night, when you probably wouldn't have been if it had been someone other than me. I just…if you model some dresses for me all night, that would be completely fine."

She's astonished at his request and his consideration (and the implication that he'd gone to such lengths to procure her for the night, so that her wedding night wouldn't have been ruined). Somehow, she keeps running into all these Capitol people who continuously have been or are beginning to just do their best to find ways to make her happy and sincerely care for her. She used to believe that all Capitol people were shallow and stupid and selfish, but since living there and being around them has shown that not only are there those who aren't like that at all, that the ones that are and are the Capitol usual are also capable of changing or containing different sides to them as well.

She can only smile widely at him, a smile of teeth and sincere happiness and gratefulness.

Katniss willingly models all the dresses he excitedly hands to her all night, to his complete delight.

_**Thigh:** _

When she finally returns home to Seneca, she's relieved and happy to find him waiting up for her, even though it's early in the morning and he looks like he hasn't slept. But he smiles at once, when he sees her, so it's all good for the both of them.

"Good night?" he asks dryly, because she has a secretive smile on that intrigues him. She can't keep it quiet though, so she easily spills what happens. He barks out a laugh. "You really do spin them all around, don't you?"

"I suppose I do," she answers dryly, but she's in such a good mood that she doesn't bother to hide it.

She's still wearing her wedding dress and his eyes rove over her body. He gestures her closer and she plays along, coming closer and swaying her hips like Finnick and Cashmere had taught her to. His smile brightens and she even deigns to place a foot on his lap and lean closer, smirking slightly.

"You really have been hanging too much around the others," his laugh is both breathy and light, but his steel blue eyes have darkened.

He reaches under her dress, finds the garter that's around her thigh, and slides it down slowly.

"I don't think that's a bad thing," she smirks back and then pulls him into a kiss.

_**Ankle:** _

She has beautiful ankles. He's noticed it before frequently. The way they curve. She's a hunter so the way she moves most of the time is very careful but graceful, a dangerous elegance that belies how capable she is of hunting you down.

Seneca has never failed to watch her carefully, in awe and knowledge, whenever she moves around.

Being pregnant, her hormones are all over the place. There are days where she's exceedingly aggressive and tense, and he tries to reluctantly resolve it by programming the arena to be a forest and watch her as she hunts down the various animals and mutts that he places in there for her to release the tension in the arena. It's at these moments, these times where her hormones act up in a certain way, where he's reminded of how scarily beautiful she is, and that she is a dangerous but awe-inspiring being.

If he were anyone else, he would be afraid of his wife. He is not. So he just watches her carefully.

Seneca admits he does face fear whenever a few of the other victors join in and have a ball in the arena. Brutus is especially in his element and happy about it, and he's starting to decorate his apartment with the mutt pelts (Seneca has nothing to say about Katniss being the one to volunteer to show how to skin them, being the only person in the group who has any experience in skinning animals).

At one point, all the victors of their little group join in and Seneca has to avoid watching closely (he still watches a bit, to make sure everyone's okay and doesn't get really hurt). He's only the slightest bit worried over their mental states when they decide to camp in the arena and have a campfire, and they're skinning and eating their kills.

He sees her ankles, remembers the way she's light on her steps, and subtle in her movements.

He doesn't forget his wife is a dangerous, beautiful thing.

_**Cheek:** _

Katniss is talking with Seneca and Brutus, while slicing up chicken for their dinner. She is in a good mood, and she's glad Brutus is too and not as upset as he tends to be sometimes (after that one time he broke down in front of her, he comes to her and eventually Seneca once she told him about Brutus' behavior). He's learning to cook chicken alfredo from her, and Seneca watches from the table in amusement.

She's amused too, when she watches Brutus and he's so serious and so concentrated that she just had to do something to lighten him up.

She dips a finger into the sauce they made and flings it at Brutus, the sauce landing on his cheek. He blinks, lifts his head, and stares at her in bewilderment and shock. Then he has a vicious grin on his face that says she's going to pay for that, and she laughs and gets ready to flee.

She's saved by the bell (literally), and the three of them trade wary looks. Brutus gets ready to hide if he needs to, and Katniss goes to answer the door.

Cashmere is on the other side, and she has a different kind of stain on her cheek, the result of a big, ugly, purpling bruise.

_**Shoulder:** _

It's one of those "cry on your best friend's shoulder" situations, only Cashmere doesn't cry and Katniss hadn't realized she was actually Cashmere's best friend.

"You're getting bigger," she murmurs and Katniss makes a nonchalant noise. "Did you ever figure a name for the kid?"

She hasn't. She's tempted to name him or her after a flower or a tree or plant or something. Her name is a plant and Primrose is a flower name. Obviously, she's not yet sure and she avoids the talk, because she also is sure that it might be fair to ask Seneca about his side of it (but she's not too sure if she wants a Capitol name).

"Brutus Junior is a good name," Brutus interrupts cheerfully, which Katniss is glad for because she doesn't like where her thoughts were and she had been staring too obviously and too hard at Cashmere's cheek.

Cashmere lifts her head from Katniss' shoulder. "Really? And what if it's a girl?" she asks dryly.

"Brutalia!"

Katniss barks out a laugh that Seneca tries hard not to share in.

"I'll keep it in mind, Brutus," Katniss struggles not to grin too wide, but it's a sure thing.

"Chantilly is pretty. Or Damask if it's a boy," Cashmere adds, sitting up more and getting into the conversation.

"Those are names common in your district," Brutus says just as dryly as she had.

"Better than naming them directly after myself."

"It's just as bad."

Katniss cuts in before the two could actually start fighting about it, because she knows them and they would.

"I like Rue," she blurts out.

The other three stare at her and she tries not to cringe.

"My family does plants and flowers, so…if it's a girl, I'd like Rue," Katniss starts awkwardly before ending quietly.

"It's a good name," Seneca gives her a small smile. "It's a good name."

They know who Katniss is thinking of, and they stay quiet a moment.

Cashmere stays quiet and doesn't tell them what happened to her, or why her cheek is bruised, but she falls asleep on Katniss' shoulder and then put to a bed. Katniss and Brutus finish up dinner, and then they eat together before going to sleep, with Brutus deciding he'll stay over as well.

In bed, Seneca holds her close and murmurs in her ear as he reiterates "Rue is a good name. It really is."

Katniss is sad in remembrance and regret, and it's ironic that rues are symbolic for regret itself.

If it was a girl, she really would like to name her Rue Rosemarie Crane.

Regret and remembrance.

_**Fist:** _

Katniss has contacts now, just as Finnick does. Secrets spill into her ears as much as they have into Finnick's. So it isn't hard for her to find out what happened to Cashmere and how the other female victor had been punched by a client.

Her ire is hellish and her right hand curls into a fist that's dying to punch the culprit.

But she and the other victors can't and it grates on her, because she knows word would get back to Snow if she did anything. Not even Gloss would dare, though it pisses him off because it's his sister and he would do whatever he could to protect her, despite their sibling squabbling.

However, Katniss has learned how to work the system now. She has learned how much meaning she has to the people, how much pull she actually has. If with every other client she meets with somehow ends up listening to her woes and worries, how upset she is over Cashmere's "brutal" assault (it wasn't really that, but it was bad enough in Katniss' eyes; she would never be happy about any hit against Cashmere at all, even if it was a single hit), then all's well with her if they decided to take revenge on her behalf.

If they start shunning Cashmere's assaulter, take it upon themselves to talk about him and ruin him, and some of the braver few corner him and attack him…

Well, perhaps it's just practice for her ability to incite rebellion.

(She smugly tells Cashmere about all that's happened to the man as she'd learned from her faithful companions, because Cashmere's always been the motive and reason for this, and whom needs to be reminded just how beautiful she really is.)

_**Hand:** _

She's definitely a lot bigger. The coronation came and went and the baby grew. The districts, after the coronation, had gotten a bit too loud and violent in their "celebrations", especially District 12, but Katniss is glad to see how she is when she plays it back.

She's definitely not happy-looking, but she bore it with grace and she didn't look unhappy enough to warrant Snow's wrath. But she was stoic and cold, and she wouldn't play it too far to go against Snow in the face of everyone. No, she'll speak her mind, as he condescendingly asked, when they are alone and private. But as she promised on her wedding day, she would allow and keep her chains, smile for the public if she needed to, and play the part of his caged bird.

She wouldn't drag her precious people down with her, make them fight in this war she was quietly waging against Snow. She couldn't do that.

And as she looked to Lucilla and Blasius, who were quietly in her home and being the way they were raised under Snow's roof –quiet and subservient –she would liberate them as much as she could as well. Those two had been born into their chains, living under Snow's iron fist from the beginning. Watching them now, bonding as they only knew how and were raised to, it was so sad.

She and her child wouldn't be like this, and she wouldn't let them be like that with her and her child.

Looking over at Seneca, who was watching father and child as well, she reached out and grabbed his hand. He turned to her and gave her a knowing look. He wouldn't either.

She would be everyone's Mockingjay, even those two, and liberate them from their chains, even if she had to bear hers.

And she would start with Blasius, who she and Seneca knew had been looking longingly over to her and his twitching hand that had wanted to reach out and feel his second child.

_**Belly:** _

Blasius isn't sure what to make of them. Or of the fact they'd invited him to come with them to Katniss' first ultrasound.

Lucilla, as much as he quietly loves her, was produced to continue the Snow line and there had always been a distance between them (that is now only beginning to close thanks to Katniss and a little of the others). This time though, he actually feels excited and nervous and anxious for the coming baby, and all these other feelings he knew he should have had when Lucilla was to be born.

He'd only felt dread then and a sense of numbness.

He hadn't even known Lucilla's mother. She'd been handpicked by his father and they had met only for the times for her to conceive, and once she had he hadn't seen her again. And then Lucilla had been born away from him, and when she had finally been placed in his arms, he'd felt only a huge sense of trepidation and fear.

She would not grow up a child, not in the House of Snow.

But now Katniss is with child, and he finds himself in a different state than he had been. Maybe because he feels that this child would not have to grow up too close to his father; that the influence of Coriolanus Snow will not overreach and be overwhelming over this child that he had helped conceive and will bring into the world. Especially not with the ones that will certainly be around to give it their support.

So he hesitates and tells them he'll think about it, because he doesn't want to bring any more influence of the Snow over the child than there had to be, not even if it was him. But Seneca pulls him aside.

"I don't think I would be a good father either," he tells Blasius.

And only one look into his eyes tells him all he needs to know. They are both Capitol men and they have both been brought up and lived as flawed men until Katniss came along.

That's why he stands there with him, while Katniss lays back on the upright hospital bed and her belly is exposed. Gel is spread on it and then they see the baby on the monitor, and his breath hitches.

He wants to cry, he wants to laugh, he wants to smile happily.

Blasius can't help letting Katniss and Seneca grab one of his hands and touch her now clean belly, and he feels the baby kick.

He's happy and excited to be a father this time around.

Started 11/30/15 – Completed 12/13/15


	21. Body Parts II

_**Eyebrow:** _

When Katniss wakes up early in the morning, too early and knows it by how dark it still is outside, she sneaks away from Seneca's sleeping figure and heads to the kitchen for something to eat. She woke up hungry and is craving something sweet.

She's just opened the lights in her kitchen and finds Brutus at her fridge rummaging through it. But once she makes her entrance, he straightens up and looks embarrassed.

She raises an eyebrow at him that he pointedly ignores as he looks out the kitchen window nonchalantly.

"I'm not even going to ask. Hand over the chocolate ice cream."

He goes for the freezer immediately and snatches the ice cream tub.

By the time Seneca is awake, the two of them are passed out at the table, tub of ice cream mostly gone and the rest melted.

He raises his own eyebrow at their sleeping bodies.

_**Arm:** _

If her arm hurts, it hurts. She has no problem masking the pain and not revealing anything. She knew if she did, come hell or heaven, she has too many people that would raise a fuss and do something about it. Do something _to_ who caused it.

But Katniss says nothing about her arm, letting how it ached and throbbed be just a thought in her head. She just forgets that Finnick has a matching pain in his own arm, and they are both casualties of the same session.

Finnick has no qualms telling the others.

Katniss finds herself surrounded by the others, and she and Finnick are treated to a harem of victors who playfully act like servants and pretend that Katniss is Cleopatra (like her stupid moniker) and Gloss begrudgingly allows Finnick use of "Marc Antony".

Her ever loving "Caesar" laughs it all off in bed that night, caressing her pained arm in deep thought.

She doesn't know what's going through his head.

_**Eye:** _

Plutarch has always had a good eye about catching things. Like how he knew there had been something very, very tangible between Seneca and Katniss even before their engagement was announced. He never saw it as superficial, never believed that it had started as anything but sincere.

He knows they didn't get attached to each other after being forced together, like some members of the rebellion thought. Nor was it ever a farce, and to the naysayers still about, he'd like to smack some sense into them and show that it was all very real between those two, thank you very much.

The truth is, this very tangible bond between the two didn't even start when Katniss was forcibly kept away from her home and made a resident of the Capitol.

It started when Katniss volunteered for her sister, and Plutarch entered the control room one of the days of the Hunger Games to see Seneca watching her avidly on screen with familiar steel blue eyes that usually radiated ice but melted under the force of the Girl on Fire's warmth.

From that moment, Plutarch understands the inescapable grasp she has on Seneca and how it culminates in a new rule that would have otherwise caused Seneca's death, had Peeta Mellark survived.

It is only because he had not, that Seneca is alive today.

He needs only one eye to see and figure all of this out. And it makes him wonder what would have happened if things had gone the other way…if Peeta had lived, would Seneca be dead? Would Katniss be as stable and have so much support, especially from those so unlikely?

He wonders about these things sometimes, and most of the time, he closes his eye to such things and tries not to think too much on them.

They are just what ifs after all.

_**Leg:** _

One day, Lucilla breaks her leg. It hurts so much and she wants to scream and babble to everyone how it hurts, but she is a Snow and she knows that it is not appropriate to show weakness.

But it hurts and hurts, and she just wants it to stop.

The Academy calls home, but she's not sure why it would matter. No one would be sent to her, and she is not going to be allowed home for such "a silly thing" as a broken leg. Her father is preoccupying her grandfather anyway –today, her grandfather wants her father to survey over something and be in charge of it. It worries her –or it did before she broke her leg, and that is all she can think about right now.

To her surprise though, someone does come.

Lucilla's jaw drops (so, so unbecoming of a Snow), and she wants to run and wrap her arms around Katniss, because someone came and it was her and someone really does care –

She isn't sure when or how, but Lucilla is shedding tears and Katniss just smiles at her.

"Hey," Katniss sits by her and her strapped up leg. "I hear you broke your leg today."

"It hurts," she sobs out, hiccupping.

"Well, one good thing about this place is how good their medical equipment is," Katniss says wryly. "Let me take you out of here and head to the hospital."

Lucilla's never been to the hospital. She has always seen her doctors in her home, and been taken cared of there.

"Are you going to stay with me?" she asks hesitantly.

"Of course," Katniss gives her a look, smirking. "Just because you think you are grown already doesn't mean you are. You still need a grown up to go with you!"

Lucilla grins widely through her wet face and is glad (when she finds out later) that her father had changed the emergency contact to Katniss, and she feels warm inside for being cared for.

Grandfather is just told that there was a message left to inform him of what happened, and nothing is amiss for now.

And, well, Lucilla finds it amusing that those in charge of the cameras around the city and monitoring things like Katniss so much that it becomes so much easier these days to go around her grandfather's back.

She won't say how she found _that_ out though.

_**Elbow:** _

Gloss and Finnick are annoyingly elbowing each other, glaring at the other in irritation. Cashmere is not happy with them. But this is momentous and she doesn't want to be anywhere else.

Katniss went into early labor. She is about to give birth.

Seneca is with her at the moment. Right now, it's her, Gloss, and Finnick outside. Lucille is quietly there with Brutus to the side, standing instead of sitting with them, and the little girl is holding the big man's hand so tightly that Cashmere would have been worried had it not been Brutus and she knew for sure the other could take it. He is good with pain and compared to Lucille's little size, it probably won't faze him.

"If you don't quit, I'm going to elbow you both in the face!"

Just then, Blasius makes his way there, bursting through the doors.

"Am I late?!" he says in a panic and Cashmere just grabs onto him and shoves him into the delivery room to be with Seneca and Katniss.

_**Buttocks:** _

Her buttocks hurts. Annie is waiting in the delivery room, having snuck in. But she's sitting somewhere and hoping the doctors and nurses isn't going to notice her and kick her out. She can see Katniss is straining on the hospital bed, with Seneca hovering next to her and holding her hand. He looks calm, but she can see that he isn't by the sweat gathering at the temples of his head.

Blasius is a wreck on her other side, wringing his hands.

Katniss throws out her other hand and waves it around wildly, and Blasius hesitantly grabs it. She yanks him closer and squeezes their hands, and they're good enough to not say anything or make a noise in pain or protestation.

"I hope it's happy and healthy," Annie whispers.

She thinks her buttocks can help to be hurting a little longer. She just hopes they numb up soon.

_**Hair:** _

Seneca repeatedly brushes back Katniss' hair. She's sweating heavily and it's matted to her forehead because of that. But she still looks beautiful to him this way, and he wants to take care of her and make all the pain stop.

"It hurts!" she gasps out, and he hates that he can't do anything.

It's like the Hunger Games all over again and he's helpless once more.

He hates, hates, hates it.

So all he can do right now is hold her hand and brush back her hair

_**Bottom/Bum:** _

Katniss doesn't know what's taking so long for the baby to just get out of her. She's been in labor for almost a day and she doesn't know what's wrong or why it's taking so long. It hurts so much and she just wants the baby out, but most of all, she just wants the baby to be healthy and okay in the long run.

She's terrified that it might not be.

She screams one last time and finally – _finally_ –the baby comes out of her and she's laying back and breathing hard. She hears nothing though and she starts panicking. And then she looks over to see her baby in the doctor's hands, and it's still and quiet and she's about to start crying.

The doctor moves to smack its bottom and the baby starts crying, and she's so thankful she starts to cry in relief.

Poor baby's bum probably hurts a bit though.

_**Toe:** _

Blasius is lightly touching his baby's toe, watching in fascination as it curls inward and trying to be away from him. He has no words right now. It's amazing and he's so happy.

He's a father to a baby boy, and while Katniss is sleeping and resting from that stressful and long period of labor (with Seneca looking over her), Blasius gets to be here with the baby and watch over him.

They all haven't come up with a name, but he doesn't need a say in it. He's just happy to be part of the baby's life; that he's allowed to be there and with them at all.

Blasius hopes for a happy ending, but he knows his grandfather won't allow it. Not without some fight from everyone.

He's willing to fight for it alongside them.

Once again, he smiles as he touches his baby boy's toe.

_**Eyelash:** _

The baby has long eyelashes. Finnick can't help grinning about that. He's going to be such a heartbreaker, especially with long eyelashes like those.

It makes him worry though.

He doesn't want the baby to grow up and be such a pretty thing. He knows what happens to pretty people.

He and Katniss are victims of that.

It would be ironic and too much to have the baby grow up in his mother's footsteps. He guiltily wishes that instead the baby grows up like his fathers –wealthy, lucky (in some ways) Capitol men.

He worries about the future and he can't stop that.

_**Forehead:** _

Katniss is exhausted from all of that. She can't be blamed for passing out and just sleeping for a long time. She's comforted by the fact the baby is okay and Seneca is right by her side. The others are there as well, which makes her happy and comforted too.

Things are okay for now, even if she knows that it might not be that way for long.

She has her worries. She knows that things can and probably will be troubled in the future, especially with a baby in the mix now. She and the others can be together and hold strong, but she also knows that Snow is a bastard and will do anything to hurt everyone around him.

Everyone close to _her_ and who _she_ cares about.

"Your forehead will get wrinkles if you keep frowning and worrying like that."

Her husband's voice feels like a balm and she opens her eyes to find him smiling gently down at her. He places his forehead against hers.

"Share your burdens. You're not alone, Katniss. I love you."

And she can't help but say it back.

_**Finger:** _

Brutus is afraid of approaching the little baby. He's so _tiny_. He's not sure he's ever seen anything so small. He's too scared to touch the baby, much less handle or hold him in any way. He just wants to be near him, watch over him.

Be a good role model and someone the baby boy will come to regard highly and love like family.

But he still can't resist reaching out and tentatively tickling the baby's soft belly with a finger. The baby squirms and he thinks he hears him giggle (can babies _giggle_ already?), and he starts to move his finger away.

But the baby's arm knocks against his finger and he freezes. He tentatively moves it closer and he's surprised by the baby grabbing onto his finger and gripping it with a surprising strength.

The little baby boy holds on and he feels a warmth encase him.

He'll do anything to protect this family he's found.

Started 4/8/16 – Completed 4/10/16


End file.
